My car failed it’s emissions test today!

Fuming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
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A revolutionary new way of cutting carbon emissions, shortcuts under hills that can only be used by cars with more than 2 occupants

I call it Carpool Tunnel

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Raymonator88
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2020
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Getting an emissions test

I walked into an auto repair shop last week to get my parents' car's emissions checked. The guy behind the counter was a jolly old fellow, most likely a dad.

  > Me: Hi! I need an emissions test for my car.

> Guy: Did you study?

 

I told my dad when he got home; he laughed, of course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gothiccheesepuff
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2014
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Nocturnal emissions should be called snoregasms.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danonymous84
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2015
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My neighbor blamed my gravel for making him fall…

But it was his dumb asphalt…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2017
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What do you call emissions controls on cows?

Cowalytic converter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dahelmholtz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
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Getting my car tested for emissions, still not safe from dadjokes.

I brought my car to the emissions check for Colorado. For those not aware, most information is based on the car, not the owner, so they don't really take any information from you when you first arrive. After my car was done getting its emissions tested, they called me from the waiting area. The lady opened the door and loudly called out "Oldsmobile!" I had to ask how she knew that was my name.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spongebue
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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I farted and blamed it on the dog.

It was a lie of emission.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KaleMcDouble
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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My kid said "I left my backpack in the STUPID car!

I replied "don't call the car stupid! It passed it's emissions test!!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shortbusaz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
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I had just bought my first car and decided to take my dad out for a ride...

It was a used and fairly old car, so it was a little smelly...

Dad: So how many horse power does this car have?

Me: About 250, why?

Dad: I think one of them died.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2014
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My brother pointed out that my check engine light is on.

"It's because it has emissions problems." "How did it pass safety inspection if it has emissions problems?" "I guess the tests weren't very exhaustive."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/osofoxy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2014
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The car wash.

I've been too busy to go get an emissions test, so while my mom and I went out to run some errands, my dad did that and also filled my tank and took my car through the wash.

Dad: Did you notice anything different about your car?

Me: No.

Dad: I got you a carwash. I heard that the dirt needs to be changed every 6,000 miles.

Edited because I'm a dummy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nogoodverybad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2014
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