A list of puns related to "Drive My Car"
Me: Stop consuming petrol.
In unison dead pan my wife and mother: βall of themβ
Because Adams make up everything!
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
I said, βSure. Bad brakes have never stopped you before.β
I guess it is an autumnmobil now.
"For he would not speak of his own Accord"
She ordered Graco "convertible" car sets
He didn't make it.
I replied, "thanks, I'll get it tested for Corollavirus".
It was a treadful, deflating experience which left me feeling flat and tired.
especially when it's on cruise control
I had to call a toe company.
That's why we take my car during the summer.
My wife yelled at him to close it immediately, as it wasnβt safe in a moving vehicle. I told her it wasnβt a big deal since both of our vehicles have umbrella insurance.
The kids didnβt get it but it elicited a nice groan from the wife, so Iβm pretty sure it counts.
They were pirates of the car I be in.
They were the Pirates of the car I be in.
I named him Carson
At least I avocado
Now, he has nokia.
My mum asks my dad βWhat gear are you in?β
My dad replied βTshirt and jeans, why?β
Bet he doesn't have the guts to do it again...
... he said "This takes me back."
I guess it had faulty automotives
My son and I were driving home from his baseball practice when we see a car with a vinyl wrap. All digital camo. I point it out and said βthatβs a nice car huh?β And he replies βwhat car? All I see are wheels.β It took me a second to realize what he said. So I looked over to him he had the biggest smirk on his face. I almost teared up.
We are directed to turn right by the GPS.
GPS - "Bear right."
Dad - "There is a bear to the right!"
Everybody in the car just sighs and he just chuckles.
We went to pick up my mom's red Fiat 500, and as we turned right my dad remarked on a green Fiat that passed by us. He said: "I guess that one isn't ripe yet."
I chuckled.
Normally, my dad drives a more luxurious car, but he's rented some model of Toyota since one of the tires on his car is blown out. My brother and I are sitting in the back and as he's fiddling with the buttons, my brother says,
"Hey, dad, where are the buttons for the heated seats?"
To which my father sharply replies, "They're in the Jaguar."
I said "I know, I can smell their dairy air from here!"
There was no food in my car... >Dad: It smells like Doritos back here.
>Grandpa: You want one?
So we went out and got some ice cream and I drove. My car desperately needed to be washed and she noticed "Your car needs a bath. There's bird poop all over it" -her "Yea, it's a real shitty situation" -me Groans and eye rolls ensued
...and my little brother from the back seat says,
Brother: we just made four right turns in a row.
Dad: it's a good thing we haven't made any wrong turns yet.
Dammit Dad.
"It was a hairy situation at Great Clips..."
It took me a second to catch it but when I did I had to chuckle.
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
... keep reading on reddit β‘A warning to be careful about drink driving as we are getting close to Christmas and the police are out there checking on people. Tonight, I was at a friend's house for a few drinks. One thing lead to another and I had a few too many Jack Daniels and then went onto the Bailey's. Not a good idea. Knowing I was over the limit, I decided to leave my car at my friend's house, and took the bus home. Sure enough, I passed a police checkpoint at the top of the road where they were pulling over cars and performing breathalyser tests. Because I was on the bus, they just waved it past. I arrived home safely and without incident, which was a real surprise as I've never driven a bus before and Iβm not even sure where I got it from...
Limestone! This was made up in the car by my 8 year old son as we were driving home from our Fathers Day outing. Promised I'd share it.
Now whenever I'm out driving, people point to my car and say: "Look at that S car go."
What else have you got?
But hey, bad brakes have never stopped me before.
They were pirates of the car I be in!
A giant list of puns
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itβs a little fishy.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itβs tearable.
Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.
How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.
I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.
I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.
My cat was just sick on the carpet, I donβt think itβs feline well.
Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.
How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.
What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.
Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.
Thereβs a new type of broom out, itβs sweeping the nation.
What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.
What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.
Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.
Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.
How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.
The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."
A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."
Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.
What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.
I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.
What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.
I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.
Towels canβt tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.
Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"
Do you know sign language? You should learn it, itβs pretty handy.
What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.
Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.
What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.
What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.
A cross eyed teacher couldnβt control his pupils.
After the accident, the juggler didnβt have the balls to do it.
I used to be afraid of hu
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