Mini-golf players have no drive.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/D-World
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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For years, my family has always taught me that alcohol and golf don't go well together.

That's why I don't drink and drive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M1ST3RT0RGU3
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
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I dropped my son off at the golf course the other day.

He said β€œdrive safe!” And I said β€œdrive safe!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jollyben
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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Why aren’t children very good at golf?

They can’t drive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Homer_Simpson2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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I went golfing with my wife and her friend the other day...

But I stormed off the course when I realized she was trying to drive a wedge between us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DadBodDeadpool
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
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My colleague unintentionally: "Yeah I gave up golfing ....

I lacked the drive."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dplhollands
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2014
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Golf puns

My wife: Don't forget tomorrow we're going to the driving range.

Me: I'm sure it'll be a ball.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/workgorilla96
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Where are you allowed to drink and drive?

A golf course.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Tamassran_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2016
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At the Driving Range

My dad and I were at the driving range hitting golf balls. He steps up to take a big shot, strains himself a little too hard and simultaneously rips a fart as he hits the ball.

"Hit the shit outta that one!"

I still chuckle when I think about it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/poppinwheelies
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2014
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Golfing with my dad

My dad who is an avid golfer steps up to the first tee today and says "You know why they call me BMW?"

Me: Why?

He proceeds to crush his drive down the middle of the fairway and says "because I'm the ultimate driving machine".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bethrin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2014
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Golfing with my dad today...

... His drive went straight into the woods, bounced off a tree limb, and ended up right in the middle of the fairway.

I said, "Nice bounce."

He said, "Nah, that was my Irish caddy: Rick O'Shea."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bwsullivan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2014
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My brother lost a brief argument to a dad joke.

Bro: A bike's the only thing you can drive without a license.

Dad: That's not true. What about a hard bargain?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dude_Dudeman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2014
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So I was at the driving range with my Dad

It was cloudy, so the golf ball was hard to see when it was hit. I said to my Dad "I can't see the ball because of the cloud cover." The next ball I hit was painfully bad and rolled onto the grass. My Dad says "There it is".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Captain_Caribou
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2014
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A handful of short Thanksgiving Jokes I put together that are worthy for any dad to repeat this upcoming holiday.

Why did the police arrest the turkey? > They suspected fowl play.

What would you get if you crossed a turkey with a ghost? > A poultrygeist!

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? > To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

What key won’t open any door? > A turkey!

If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? > Goblet.

Fruit comes from a fruit tree, so where does turkey come from? > A poul-tree.

What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad? >They turn into blueberries.

What kind of cars would pilgrims drive today? > Plymouth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Taylordprints
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2017
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My wife was hooking our daughter up in her car seat....

And while I was waiting, I was standing on the front lawn beside the car absent-mindedly swinging a golf club (to test my sore shoulder). Daughter starts freaking out because she thinks I'm not coming. My wife tells her not to worry, Daddy's driving. And I told her "actually, it's a wedge."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laughing_pug
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2016
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Dessert Puns

I saw a white, fluffy thing swinging through my local cake shop. Suspect it was a meringue-utang.


I was out driving the other day and I spotted two packets of cheese & onion crisps walking down the road. I said, β€œDo you want a lift”. β€œNo thanks”, they replied, β€œWe’re Walkers”.


I was in a cake shop the other day, they were all Β£5 apart from one that was Β£10. I asked why it was so expensive, the shop owner said β€œthat’s maderia cake”.


Bought some cream, it said β€œstore in a cool place”. So I left it in the Doctor Who studios.


Local ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands. Police say that he topped himself.


I used to love doughnuts, but I got bored of the whole thing.


A man says β€œI keep finding custard in one ear, and jelly in the other”. The doctor says β€œI’m afraid you are a trifle deaf”.


I bought a waffle iron the other day. Get really annoyed with wrinkled waffles.


How do you make an apple puff? Chase it around the garden


What do they call a man who abandoned his diet? DESSERTER.


Ice cream is exquisite… –what a pity it isn’t illegal.


The optimist sees the doughnut, the pessimist sees the hole, and the realist sees the calories.


Why did Eve bite the forbidden apple? Because it tasted better than Adam’s banana.


Why did the students eat their homework? Because the teacher said that it was a piece of cake.


Why do we put candles on top of a birthday cake? Because it’s too hard to put them on the bottom!


When is a birthday cake like a golf ball? When it’s been sliced.


What did the cake say to the fork? you want a piece of me?


Why was the birthday cake as hard as a rock? Because it was marble cake!


What happens when no one comes to your birthday party? You can have your cake and eat it too.


What do they serve at birthday parties in heaven? Angel food cake, of course!


A birthday greeting: For someone special as you, only ANGELFOOD would do. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!


Did you hear there are two suspects in Two Ton Charley’s death? BEN and JERRY.


Don’t eat too much fudge, or else you will have so much pudge you won’t be able to budge.


You know you’re a mom if… Popsicles have become a staple food.


Mexican candy makes my taste buds say β€œOLE!”


FORGET LOVE… I’

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2017
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How I learned my business law professor is a dad on the last day of class

In my business law class we were discussing this court case. In the case, a woman named Courtney was hitting off the tee box at a country club and sliced the shot off the course. The ball hit a guy who was working on a nearby roof, and gave him permanent brain damage. Our professor then asked us who we thought was responsible for the damages: the golf course, the course designer, or the woman. A student in the back asks "Well what if Courtney was drunk while she was playing" to which our professor responded

"Well then we would just have a classic case of drinking... and driving."

I'm still not sure which was louder, my friend and I bursting out laughing or the collective groan that filled the room.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bip213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
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Dad just dropped this one on my brother and I

We were driving down the road and I look out my window to see a "Golf & Guns" store connected to a gas station (good ole' Tennessee...). I point out how ridiculous that is to my dad.

He turns to me and says, "Hey, at least you'll be shooting birdies all day!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Bow_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2014
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Some... Thing... On the plain...

So my dad and I are driving through Colorado and see a handful of structures that look like giant golf balls on the plains. We start discussing what they are when I muster up my best William Shatner voice and go "There.. Is some... Thing... On... The plains..." and die laughing. Made dad proud. Rest of the car, not so much.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bamhm182
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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