Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrandMoffTarkan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ant colonies ever get sick?

.... because they’re full of anty bodies

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Finneagan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
They just don’t taste right!
πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gacha_gurlOwO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Personally, I don't believe in bros before hoes, or hoes before bros.

There needs to be a balance.

A homie-hoe-stasis, if you will.

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A____K
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife told me she’ll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

I’m not too worried, I think she’s jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf

πŸ‘︎ 506
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.

Please don’t resort to violins and anger if you don’t notice.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koukasen_np
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.

I said okay... Bi den.

πŸ‘︎ 19k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhillala7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store. I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

I told him, β€œI don’t think they have what you’re looking for, sir.”

πŸ‘︎ 195
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The barman says, β€œSorry, we don’t serve faster-than-light particles in here.”

A faster-than-light particle walks into a bar.

πŸ‘︎ 266
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snrckrd
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I've had a hard time figuring out why I don't consider cottage cheese truly "cheese"

But it's just a curd to me

πŸ‘︎ 337
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_22_14_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t mean to brag, but I just put a puzzle together in 1 day...

and the box said 2-4 years!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Now days, people don't use the name Lance very often

In medieval times, people were named Lance a lot

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t get why people buy into the flat earth theory.

I mean, the arguments for it aren’t even well rounded.

πŸ‘︎ 349
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedShirtCashion
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t ants get sick?

Because they have little anty-bodies.

Edit: THANK YOU!! Kind stranger whoever you are out there, for the silver!! Just trying to keep the kids facepalming and the wives eye rolling. You guys are awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 234
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BelleskaTROn-
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When I left home to go on a business trip, my wife said "Don't forget to write"

I thought, "That's unlikely... it's a basic skill, isn't it?"

πŸ‘︎ 385
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Bilbo Baggins suddenly wakes up and hears someone singing β€œDon’t stop Believing”.

It was an unexpected Journey.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me, β€œWhy don’t you treat me like you did when we were first dating!?”

So I took her to dinner and a movie then dropped her off at her parents’ house...

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t ever make Sodium angry.

Otherwise you’ll be charged with aggravating a salt.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dusk118
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.

Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't trust stairs.

They're always up to something or they always let you down.

πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
They don't have enchiladas in Europe

They have centimeterladas

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/duckbeachdog
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Cake day original joke! Why don’t penguins like eating clown fish?

Because they taste funny!

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't put it on him
πŸ‘︎ 405
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t expect to hear yourself urinate after taking the Pfizer vaccine.

I had a doctor tell me the P was silent.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
*calls mum * son : I'm in hospital but don't worry everything is fine

Mum : you're the daym doctor and this wasn't funny the first time

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJonesy007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t people use bulls to travel?

Because they go when the stop light is red!

(Sorry if this was bad)

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Yeet_Boi21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: I really don’t trust these trees

Son: Huh? What? Why?
Dad: They seem kinda…. shady

πŸ‘︎ 409
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daudelin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t know how to properly share with this but I have included the name of the original, most people didn’t get it(third line)
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't need a lot for Christmas

My driveway is big enough...

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/postymcpostface21
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

It's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BamaPaul
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't always joke about stillborn Greek gods...

...but when I do, it's all about dead Pan delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alterom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week

I think they called it Allah carte

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ledgerdemaine
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Don’t blame others for the road you’re on.

That’s your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicomagnifico
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't plan to put up solar panels.

But if you do, more power to you.

πŸ‘︎ 42
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't try to eat the chickens in Minecraft.

They're too gamey.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/YDAQ
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I don’t like bread jokes.

They get stale really fast.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TugBoatAugust
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know why people are afraid of flying...

Most crashes happen at ground level.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife has been complaining that I don’t buy her flowers. Tbh I don’t even know she started selling flowers.

Couldn’t post it earlier. Doing dishes, making everyone’s bed, taking trash and all the other household chores ate up all my evening.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shishir-nsane
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

πŸ‘︎ 567
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't forget you
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetropolisCourier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t Chinese kids believe in Christmas

Because they make the toys!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffro4140
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t crabs give to charity?

Because they’re shellfish

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't keep grudges. My dad kept grudges....

I hated him for that.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don’t you want to fight Santa?

Because he has a β€˜black belt’

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NTIMPORTANT
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Wanna know why I don't trust stairs?

They're always up to something...

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lahkli
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't blame others for the road you're on.

That's your own asphalt.

πŸ‘︎ 128
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
"I don't trust stairs."

"They're always up to something."

πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PersonWalker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why don't ants get sick

Because they have little antibodies

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/manukitten2144
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
What rock group has four men that don't sing?

Mount Rushmore.

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rtedith
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report

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