Dedication 5 Puns

When the friend finally got the location to run the shop he tried to get some experienced and dedicated employees. However, he soon realized that all the good employees for a gelato shop were already working at some nearby locations. So he had to deal with some mediocre people who didn’t care that much about gelatos. Then a day before the opening of the shop the person who was supposed to provide the materials for the gelatos called in as sick. Finally there were also some teenagers who decided to steal some of the decorations.

When the friend told this story the other friend then said,

#“Man, you have gelat of problems.”

For his dedication to world hominy

And they says to me, "so you think you are too good for us " And I says to them, I says, " No nothing like that, I am just going to be a nudist for a while."

(Dedicated to my inspiration: Norm Macdonald)

After decades of dedicated and concentrated practice, I finally achieved my goal.

I can play guitar very badly.

I was sitting at a moderately crowded bar last night enjoying dinner when an older couple came up and sat next to me. We exchanged hellos and I continued eating my jambalaya. After a bit, the husband finally knew what he wanted to drink.

Husband: "Do you have (so and so) beer?"

Bartender: "Hang on a sec, I'll check."

As the bartender walked away, the husband held both of his arms in the air, closing his hands into fists right above his head, a la Steve Holt. After about 30 seconds, and you could tell she really didn't want to, the wife asks what he's doing.

Wife: "Honey, why are your arms in the air?"

Husband: "I'm hanging on."

The wife rolls her eyes and I laugh inappropriately loudly. He grins.

So at this point, the joke has been made. It's over. But no! He's in it for the long haul. He kept his arms in the air for a solid 3 more minutes, just so the bartender could get in on the joke. She returns with his bottle of beer.

Husband: "Can I stop hanging on now?"

Bartender groans.

Wife: "Yes, please."

I admire his dedication. And his taste in beer.

After weeks of hard work and dedication, his grades start picking up.

A month passes and the semester is finally over.

He approaches his father and shows him his grades.

The father looks dramatically into his son's eyes and says:

"long time no C".

They both dedicated their life to convincing people the universe doesn’t revolve around them.

My name is Sam. My younger sister is two and a half years younger than I am. My dad was going to name her Ella so we would be Sam & Ella (Salmonella) but my Mom caught on and named her something else. He was so close!

I wouldn't have been mad at all, such dedication is worth it.

So I am a major fan of puns and play on words and I pretty much have an entire folder on my computer dedicated to awesome puns I have found over time from the internet. I don't want people to get pissed for reposts. Post anyways or check every pun posted in the past month to make sure?

He let out a little wine.

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If you're interested in listening to a podcast dedicated to dad jokes! :)

https://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/episode-1-ten-brilliant-dad-jokes/id1389788846?i=1000412264010&mt=2

While out walking with the family we saw a bench with a dedication plaque. It read "In Memory of Helen, she walked these meadows with joy". Of course I had no choice but to remark "Why didn't Joy get a bench too?"

Cue involuntary snort of laughter from the wife. Mission accomplished.

DEDICATED SERVERS

I asked him if it was a tough job, and he said it took a lot of training and dedication, but the hardest job to get in the circus was the human cannonball. I asked him why.

He responded, "It's hard to find someone of the right caliber."

I mean really, how is there a subreddit dedicated to jokes just about dads?

A while ago I was sat down to dinner with my family, a delicious meal as it always is, ta very much Mum. Throughout dinner and the usual post-dinner chatter Dad had been muttering "My my myyyy Delilah..." to himself. Usually you can ignore a bit of a quiet singsong someone outside of a conversation is having to themselves but every 10-15 minutes he'd go "My my myyyy Delilah...". A good 2 hours after starting our dinner my sister feels the need to ask "Dad, why do you keep singing my my my delilah? Was there a song on the radio or something?". Dad gives a confused little look and goes "Hmmm? What? Oh dear oh dear oh dear... It's actually a medical problem. I went to the doctor about it recently" then raises his head trying to conceal that grin that we all know and dread. "He said I had Tom Jones Syndrome. I asked if it was common. He just shrugged and said it's not unusual". I gave him two thumbs up and a look of respect, most of the table gave a horrified groan. 2 Hours! the dedication on that man!

So I work in a gift shop and a major portioin of our merchandise is dedicated to a large display of stuffed animals of varying sizes. Mostly everyone that comes in spends some time looking at them all but I got a special treat with this family today.

The parents and their two kids come in after supper time to look around. The daughters are looking at all the stuffed animals as the dad comes over. Dad immediately grabs the largest stuffed owl we have and holds it out towards his two daughters and wife and asks "WHOOOOOO is this??"

There was a collective sigh from the shop as the father and I crack up laughing. The best part was the stuffed bird's actual name.

Owliver.

First and foremost, I've decided to add a rule 7. Please, for the love of God, have the slightest bit of creativity and do not put the punchline of the joke in the title. The reasoning being as follows.

Most importantly, putting the punchline in the title ruins the joke, unless it is a one liner!
*
Secondarily, this is a puns subreddit dedicated to wordplay, if you lack the creativity to restate something in a humorous way rather than regurgitating the punchline as the header, perhaps this isn't the subreddit for you...

#Secondarily,

I've made a few minor spam filter tweaks. Your post will be caught in the spam filter if:

1. Your account has less than +3 combined comment and link karma.
2. Your account is less than 7 days old.

What will happen if your post is filtered is it will automatically go into the spam queue, and I'll try to have it unfiltered in the span of a couple of minutes/hours, but sometimes I do sleep so sadly it may take longer.

My post isn't appearing! How do I fix it?

If your post is not appearing and it has not violated any of the rules, feel free to drop us a mod message and I'll get a mobile notification within 30 minutes or so of the post removal, putting it on the fast track to being restored.

Allow me to regale you with a couple tales illustrating my late dad's sense of humor. Last names faked because I'm not that stupid.

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(1). At a routine PTA meeting about me in my Georgia school, everyone found themselves packed into a hot and stuffy room waiting for the boredom to end. Shoulder to shoulder fun, can you picture it?

My dad lets one rip. It's loud, smelly, and echoes. The room falls silent as the fart invites itself unfavorably to the nostrils of those in attendance.

He turns to my mom and with his best shocked face says, "... Patty!"

I like to think he slept on the couch that night.

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(2). During my old man's wait for us to arrive at the new home he had bought, he had to deal with ongoing construction and roughed it at a hotel for a few nights. He was a retired Master Chief Machinist's Mate, so cramped quarters reminded him of the sub's nuclear engine room. No biggie.

An interview comes up for a civilian nuclear power plant nearby, and before you know it my dad's sitting before these stuffy, serious, wrinkly old board members and managers, having his (mostly military) resume picked through.

"Well Mister Smith, we're impressed. Twenty two years is no small amount of time to dedicate to the service. But do you feel you're qualified to operate and audit a civilian fission power plant?"

My dad thinks on it for a second.

"Well no, sir, but I did stay at a Holiday Inn Express last night."

He got the job immediately.

(For those needing the reference)

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Thanks for caring to read. I miss him a lot and this subreddit always reminds me of his sense of dry, quick humor. Take care!

There is a room dedicated to sea anemones, a big space with low light coming from these glass tanks full of beautiful, fragile creatures. My son and I stood admiring them for a moment, and I commented, "Well, at least they'll never be lonely here."

"Why is that, Dad?"

"With anemones like these, who needs friends?"

A loud universal groan went up and I hastily retreated.

My gf and I were discussing having a dedicated small tank just for shrimp

Me : but where could we put it?

Her : how about by my side of the bed?

Me : what, so you'd have it all to yourself?

Her : yeah

Me : that's very shellfish

Me- Did you know, <random author> dedicated her book to her dog?

Dad- No I didn't know that, ButtStuffYes, but, if you ever write a book, you better dedicate it to your dad and momicate it to your mom.

Mom-"thats it im done"

Dad- makes the usual triumphant face

I propose that today, March 4, should be Annual Dad Joke Day. This is dedicated to my father, who has asked me, once a year, "What day of the year is a command?"

My dad and I were working on a 150+ year old house recently.

We go to fill the outer walls of one room with insulation, and while cutting out holes in the tops of them we smell something funny. Rats had made a single section of one wall the dedicated toilet. Without missing a beat my dad says "That's some shitty insulation."

Me, reading from Christmas card: "Dedicated to all those who have passed this year."

Dad, nodding in agreement: It's good to recognize those with a C-average, at least.

My teacher had been explaining to us that he cared about teaching us, and said he went through 6 years of school and 6 figures of debt. He told us he was very dedicated to making us some of the best.

My friend leaned over to me and snickered: "More like debt-icated."

I laughed for awhile.

Because of his dedication to world hominy.