The 00s.
I also haven't played a game of tennis in over a decade.
when I put my grandma on speed dial.
No one's posted here all decade...
(Regards from New Zealand)
It happens only once in 10 years
It’s just a curd to me.
It was my longest running joke of the year.
A comedy of eras
I mean, they are so last year.
In the Alpine mountains of Switzerland, a young carpenter has just learned that his wife is with child.
Looking for advice, he consults his own father, to better prepare for fatherhood. The old man tells him, ''You should build something to await the arrival of the child. Something which will have your purest thoughts, your kindest emotions encapsulated within, to gift to the child when it is born. ''
On the way atop the mountains, the young man gets an idea forming within his head, whilst walking past a field with horses about. He will build a small wooden race horse on wheels, for the child to ride around in.
He spends hours, tirelessly carving, polishing, measuring, until nine months later, the child is born. The man's life is suddenly filled with intense joy, and he forgets about his gift for a little while. That is, until his son begins to take his first steps, and his balance becomes more assured. The carpenter decides to take the wooden horse out of his workshop, and gift it to his son. The son, is instantly magnetized by the toy, and instinctively learns how to ride it forth, and about the house.
With time, the child grows up strong, smarter every day. With age, he began neglecting the wooden horse, and soon, his mother had tucked it away, as a keepsake into the attic of the house.
A few decades pass, and the child has become a man. He followed up in his father's footsteps, in some ways, and in others he varied. He went on to study the Arts in Zurich, but still chose to work with wood, like his father did.
His sculptures became famous, as he managed to catalyze the aesthetic, literary and artistic movements of the time. His first exposition came, and he stood there, proud, in this artistic intelligentsia coffee house, surrounded by cigar smoke, thinking of his dad, who had since passed.
Suddenly, a man sporting a cigarette perched atop fine lips, approached him, and asked inquisitively in Swiss German, but with an undeniably thick French accent.
''Are you an artist?''
''Non, but my Dada ist.''
Hindsight will be 2020.
(In chronological order)
2010 2011 2012 2013 2014 2015 2016 2017 2018 2019
Said in a discussion of whether the movie “The Page Master” was pre or post “Home Alone”.
now the amount of girls I made wet this year is -1. :(
For the love of God, don't let Kevin Bacon pass away
"You're not holding on to last year's shit"
My wife beat me to the first dad joke of the year. Damnit
Finally, he was given arrest.
"Welcome everyone to Dads Anonymous. Again my name is Bill and you will notice that we have a new member, please welcome Gary -- Can you tell us what brought you to us today?"
"Well I have a very embarrassing confession. It's even hard to get the words out."
Bill reassures him, "We are all dads here and have been meeting for decades, we've been through all the highs and lows, births and deaths, tragedies, we've heard it all. Just tell us what's on your mind son, we are here to support each other."
"Well, a couple months ago, I broke both my legs in a motorcycle accident and couldn't walk, so I let my wife use the lawnmower." He says through the sobs...
Bob, one of the other dads, starts to get pale. "...and she didn't even cut it in a crisp geometric pattern, it was just random..." Bob starts to sweat and get dry heaves. "YOU BASTARD", he screams. "HOW COULD YOU LET THAT HAPPEN." The dads rise and get ready to beat the crap out of Gary, when Bill stands between them and breaks it up.
"Guys! Guys, we all get weak sometimes and things happen outside our control. Doug, you remember when you were in recovering from Chemo and you gave your wife a hammer, and she used it to hammer a roofing nail into the drywall to hang a picture!" Doug, looks down in shame, "Yes, that was a bad day, I was so weak. She missed the stud and left a dent in the wall, and she just hung the picture over it, crooked!" There was dead silence. "Thats ok Doug, it was twenty years ago, you were young and foolish, you can let it go". Then all the dads shook hands and sat back down.
Bill starts the meeting up again. Then Gary says, "..theres one more thing, Right after I got out of the hospital, she wanted to make a special dinner for us, so I let her grill the steaks..." "OH LORD THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!" screams Dave, another dad, his face turning red. Gary continues "...she burnt them one one side and they were dry and chewy." Now there is a bedlam, one dad immediately passes out cold, chairs are thrown, broken bottles, Gary is on the ground being kicked in the ribs. After a few tense minutes Bill managed to get the dads off of Gary. "Stop it, Dave you're killing him. Come on, you remember that time you let your wife go to the repair shop for an oil change?" Dave hung his head, and muttered yeah. "They convinced her to change the cabin filter, wiper blades and the radiator collant..." Bill kept prodding "and, aaand" ...Dave broke down, "and she bought a jug of blinker fluid!" T
... keep reading on reddit ➡After all, they’re still stuck in the last decade
I did New Year's Eve away from home, and my parents left on 1 and 2 (and I didn't see them on 1 because I came back after they left). They have just returned home and my father said to me: "I haven't seen you since last year". And I was like "Why? Why?"
It was at least last year
"See you in a decade"
Just another case of long time, no see.
It would be a Song of Ice and Fire.
Then you'll be sorry you tossed out all of your grandparents polka music.
BREATHE YOU IDIOT, BREATHE!
It decade.
Making it all the way home and realizing that they forgot one of the containers:
Riceless.
He says "Bartender, get me a beer."
The bartender says "We don't serve your kind here."
The string is pissed. He goes into the alley, twists himself up, messes up his hair, and storms back inside.
"Bartender. Get me a beer."
The bartender eyes him suspiciously. "Hey, ain't you that string I sent out earlier?"
The string shakes his head. "I'm a frayed knot."
After decades of dedicated and concentrated practice, I finally achieved my goal.
I can play guitar very badly.
It's like they're a decade ahead.
http://i.imgur.com/5MNBPFb.jpg
I haven’t logged on in a decade!
(••) ( ••)>⌐■-■ (⌐■_■)
Those jokes are a decade old now!
But ovary decade ago there vas deferens
Seriously, I've heard them for the entire decade so far.
