Date Movie Puns

A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away.

Wee e e e e e e e e a week away

"Don't look now, but your wife is sitting right behind us."

She said, "How does popcorn sound?"

I said, "Crunchy."

Should get a no bell prize.

Her: What can I do for you?

Me: I'm looking for a date.

Her: Oh, what kind of dates?

Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)

I'm a female and my dad asked what I was doing this past Saturday night.

Me: "I'm going to see that movie Lone Survivor with Mark Wahlberg!" Dad: "Wow! You got a date with Marky Mark? I'm impressed!"

We were at her place and watched a movie - I know, really romantic, right? She had a kitten who was climbing all over me, sitting in my lap, shedding all over me, pretty much the whole night.

At the end of the date before I turned to leave, I said "You know, I was hoping I'd get a little pussy tonight!"

Little did I know that dad joke was the start - she's now my wife and mother to two wonderful children.

Currently watching the movie Straight Outta Compton while texting this girl that I have a date with tomorrow night.

She mentioned that she is drinking a glass of wine but put a bunch of ice in it. Six big cubes.

I responded with "wow 6 ice cubes? This movie that I'm watching only has one ice cube in it"

She laughed. Looks like our future's set.

So me and the girlfriend had date night tonight and at one point prior to the movie she talked about how everything is changing and I should know she is afraid of change. Shortly after the movie as we pull out of the theatre I reach into the handle of the car door and grab a couple coins and toss them at her while she's posting how great the movie was. She gets startled and does a Eep I immediately just go hmm... I guess you are afraid of change and she just sighs in aggravation

My girlfriend and I decide to watch through every Peter Pan movie made to date one lazy Sunday because we were going to see the play later in the week

Me: Alright babe, one more movie to go and we're done!

Her: Can we please do something else for a bit, we've been watching Peter Pan all day.

Me: Sooo... you're all petered out....?

I should preface this by saying this was on of the best dates I've ever been on, but the relationship also subsequently fell apart because of it.

Anyway, a few years ago, my girlfriend and I had been going out for a few months, and things were great. I met her through a mutual friend of mine at the hospital, weirdly enough. Our friend had gotten in a very bad accident and had to get a glass eye. He would always dab it with cotton to stop the bleeding at the beginning. Anyway, this is all relevant because my girlfriend (not girlfriend at the time) bonded over how disgusting our friends eye was. This got us to talking, and before you know it, we started going out. Things got pretty serious months and months down the line, and I was just laid off from my job. This meant that in general, we would go on cheaper dates. Nothing too drastic. Just like a movie and dinner instead of say the Opera and a fancy five star restaurant.

So, about a year and a half into the relationship, Joe, the mutual friend of ours, suggests a double date with us and his girlfriend. He knew the situation I was in and offered to pay for the whole thing. Great right? Well... no. I was actually planning on proposing to my girlfriend. Except Joe suggested the plans in front of my girlfriend too, so she accepted for both of us. I didn't want to propose to her on a double date, so I pulled her aside and told her to just skip the date and come over instead. Joe had bought us all tickets to a baseball game, and believe it or not, my girlfriend chose the baseball game instead of me. I stayed home alone as she went out with Joe and his girlfriend. Moral of the story is, if it hadn't been for Cotton Eyed Joe, I'd been married a long time ago.

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken