'Cassie'...how do you spell your name?
Usually with my vocal chord
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︎ Apr 10 2021
English is the crème de la crème of all languages.
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︎ Sep 10 2016
Conor McGregor hates Cinco de Mayo...
It's nothing personal, he just cant stand Mayweather.
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︎ May 05 2021
My girlfriend wanted to get vaccinated in Rio de Janeiro but instead lost all her hair
She asked for the Brazilian vax
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︎ May 12 2021
I'll be bringing my Cinco de Mayo leftovers to work tomorrow.
Looks like it'll be tacos de reincarne for lunch!
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︎ May 06 2021
My favorite song goes a little something like this: "De Spa..."
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︎ Apr 07 2021
A cheese factory had exploded in France
There was nothing left but de Brie.
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︎ May 07 2021
When asked if he had family in Salt Lake City, Robert de Niro replied,
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︎ Apr 10 2021
What kind of ant smells the best?
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︎ Mar 14 2021
My son asked me to make a joke about totopos de maiz...
I said the joke would be too corny
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︎ Feb 28 2021
What do you call the rich Russian elite?
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︎ Nov 03 2020
Can someone recommend a better way of de-icing my windshield?
I used a discount card but I only got 20% off.
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︎ Feb 22 2021
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
βNoah walked out onto the ark and saw....β
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︎ Nov 08 2020
9yo shared this one with me: What do you call a cow who just had a baby?
De-calf-inated!
Edit: it's been pointed out some people pronounce calf as cΔlf, so its taking a second. Pronounce it like decaffeinated coffee.
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︎ Feb 24 2021
If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off
Then you will de-feet him
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︎ Apr 08 2021
I think my postman is an organ donor.
His truck says, βWe deliver for you.β
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Whatβs a crΓ¨me brΓ»lΓ©es favorite song?
Pour some sugar on me by Def Leppard!
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︎ Sep 27 2018
What job would spiders most likely get into?
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I resigned from the ironing board.
Too many pressing issues and no way to de crease the number of suits against us.
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︎ Mar 26 2021
What is Cruella de Vil's favorite brand of footwear?
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︎ Dec 27 2020
I just saw a stray dog with the Eiffel Tower stuck in his fur, along with Arc de Triumph and the Louvre...
...poor little guy, covered in Paris Sites.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
What car does Jango Fett drive?
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︎ May 08 2021
A Little Town In Mexico And Their Love Of Mayonnaise
There was a little town in Mexico, right across the border from Texas. They got a taste for Mayonnaise from the Cowboys crossing the border to eat. Soon they created a festival for their love of Mayonnaise. Theyβd have every type of mayonnaise you could think of. Folks loved it. The 10th anniversary of the festival was coming up and they decided they wanted to do something special. They heard of a place in England that made the worlds very best. They placed their order and was told it would be shipped overseas to them by boat. Because they had placed such a large order, the only ship capable of carrying it was the Titanic. The folks were waiting excitedly until the morning that the Titanic had hit a iceberg. When the news came that they wouldnβt get their shipment and to honor those lives lost, they decided to rename their festival. It became known as βSinko De Mayo.β
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︎ May 05 2021
Did you hear that a judge has demanded Dr. Pimple Popper grab any person off the street and remove pus-filled sacs within their skin?
It's a seize and de-cyst order!
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︎ Apr 29 2021
What did the river-tourist call his mom to say while he was in Africa?
"mom, I can't believe it; I'm in de-nile!"
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︎ May 12 2021
Who is William DeFoeβs arch enemy?
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︎ Mar 31 2021
I saw an add for Tinkle radiator service.
The #1 place to take a leak.
It is in Des Moines look it up!
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︎ May 08 2021
There's been an explosion at a cheese factory in Paris
There's nothing left but de brie
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Stop de-pressing
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︎ Oct 24 2020
My wife works in animal medicine and rolled her eyes at me. "Where does a vet who specializes in neutering live?"
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︎ Mar 20 2021
How does a food critic keep their identity a secret?
They use a Nom Nom Nom de Plum
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︎ Apr 26 2021
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Cow jokes that are great for making your kids' eyes roll :
What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef!
What do you call a cow with 2 legs? Lean beef!
What do you call a cow after it gives birth? De-calf-enated!
Did you hear about that cow that jumped over a barbed wire fence? It was udder destruction.
(After they beg you to stop, hit them with: "Ok, it's time too mooooove on to some different jokes. These cow jokes are getting udderly ridiculous.")
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︎ Feb 22 2021
What do Australians call lazy English men
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︎ Mar 31 2021
Did you hear about the woman who bought 101 donuts?
She known as Cruller de Vil.
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︎ Mar 28 2021
Got to stud-dee to get my de-gree in my fave subject, Pun-o-graphy !
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︎ May 29 2020
What is the meaning of the word "demise"?
Demise is what de cats eat?
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︎ Feb 28 2021
What is the quickest stage of the Tour de France
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︎ Aug 29 2020
What did Miguel de Cervantes call his donkey?
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︎ Aug 17 2020
To make a chicken pate...
...one has to de-liver the chicken.
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︎ Mar 13 2021
I used to love going to the post office
but the Postmaster General has really taken DeJoy out of the mail.οΏΌ
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︎ Mar 12 2021
A Good Waiter
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︎ Jan 23 2020
I just saw my wife tripping and dropping a bunch of clothes she just ironed.
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︎ Sep 02 2020
What is the most disgusting perfume ever made?
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︎ Mar 04 2021
What do you call a cow after an abortion?
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︎ Apr 22 2021
A cheese factory in France exploded
There is de Brie everywhere
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︎ Feb 20 2021
Did you hear about the explosion at the cheese factory in Paris?
There was nothing left but de Brie.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
What do you call a cow that just gave birth?
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︎ Feb 25 2021
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