My doctor told me I could get a trophy from being on crutches

but all I got were smaller, weaker leg muscles.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobatea
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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I’d just like to say something to the man dressed in camouflage and using crutches, who robbed my wallet earlier

You can hide, but you can’t run

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CdotBigz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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My 12yo's first big pun. I'm so proud.
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
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Some asshole cut off both my arms and a leg a while ago. But it's ok...

...I don't hold crutches.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnxiousYYC2018
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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Paraplegic dad, uninjured sense of humor...

Made an account just to share this. My dad is paraplegic--he broke his neck at a college wrestling tournament when he was 19. There's a story my mom always tells about him that just sums up how he can be so lighthearted even in the darkest of circumstances.

During his long stay at the hospital immediately after his injury, a nurse checks in on him, making sure his condition hasn't gotten any worse.

She asks, "Can you hear okay?"

He says, totally deadpan, "No, I can see fine."

Even then, lying in a hospital bed after a life-altering injury, my dad couldn't give up an opportunity to make someone laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StevenSongtime
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2013
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This morning while waiting for a nurse to take the cast off my leg.

Nurse walks past my bed, trying to find someone else. She looks at me and asks, "Kane?" I replied, no thanks.. I already have my crutches.

πŸ‘︎ 646
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snoop_cow_grazeit
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2014
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Accidental Jesus dad joke

I recently tore all the ligaments in my ankle and I’m still in rehab. I was on the sidewalk concentrating on my crutches when a construction worker popped up in front of me. Initially I thought he was going to tell me I was walking under something dangerous; halfway through I thought he was going to ask me out; then Jesus happened:

β€œHey, that looks like it hurts!”

β€œNaw, it’s not bad, it’s much better now.”

β€œRunning? Skiing? How’d you do it?”

β€œRock climbing.”

β€œRock climbing! Wow, so you must be strong, eh?”

β€œYeah, I’m ripped.”

β€œ … ripped? Really?”

β€œYeah, I’m super ripped.”

β€œ … oh. Wow. Not joking.”

β€œYeah, I’m joking. I’m not actually ripped.”

β€œ … ahaha … hah. That was good.”

β€œYep.”

β€œSo, I’m Christian.”

β€œHi, Christian.”

β€œ... and I don’t know if you’ve read the Bible, but the Bible says that laying on of hands, especially for our fellow Christians, will heal. And I’ve …” etc.

It took me a block to realize that I’d accidentally made a Dad joke.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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There’s a magician

who claims he can heal anyone with magical crystals. He announces to a crowd, β€œanyone who needs something healed, step right up and I can heal you with my powers!” Someone steps up, on crutches. β€œHi, I’m Phil, can you fix my leg?” He asks. β€œYes! Of course! Phil, step behind the curtain!” Answers the crystal guy. Then, another man steps up. β€œYou seem fine! What’s the problem?” The crystal guy asks. β€œI h-h-have ha-had this st-stutter since I wa-was five.” He said. β€œOk, I can fix you right up!” The crystal guy says, motioning the guy with the stutter behind the curtain. Then, he says some sort of chant, moving crystals around. Once he is done he shouts, β€œPhil, throw a crutch over to prove you’re healed!” A crutch goes flying over the curtain. The crowd gasps. β€œNow, sir, with the stutter, say something!” He shouts, showing off it worked. β€œU-uh Ph-Phil fe-ell d-down.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaucyyThomas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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My first (decent) dad joke!

Girlfriend "oh and my credit card is now disabled" Me "is it in a wheelchair or on crutches?"

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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Brightening my BF's recovery from surgery with Dad Jokes

Background: My boyfriend is stuck on crutches after having hip surgery and likes to sit in the recliner with his legs propped up. Since he can't move his hips, I have to lower the footrest for him to get out of the chair.

Him: Can you put my feet down so I can go relax in the bed for a while?

Me: Feet, you're stupid and useless and no one likes you!

Him giving me silence with a side of contempt while I cackle.

Laughter is the best medicine...

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuskeyG
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
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My overly dramatic daughter this morning...

is hopping around on one foot and saying it's broken. It's not (as she was running around all day yesterday). She asks if we have crutches to which I reply, "No, but you can get around the house by wriggling across the carpet."

She's protesting, so I ask her, "Well, you DO like Harry Potter don't you?" She says, "Yes," failing to see what Harry Potter had to do with a tender ankle.

"Well," I explain "Just pretend you're at Hogwarts, but instead of being in Gryffindor you'll be in House Slytherin."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RickShaw530
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
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My husband has been working on Dad joke humor.

Me: You’re a good support system.

Husband: I know, I bought crutches and everything.

Me: LAUGHS! That was pretty good.

Husband: I know. I got a leg up on you.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2014
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He never used to be so bad...

We're sitting at dinner with some friends of the family, one of which is sitting in a wheelchair. My father looks up and begins to tell a story about his time growing up living with the heavy metal crowd.

"You know, the wheelchairs, the crutches, the walkers, all those heavy metal bitches."

Face-Palm

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lascivioustwerk
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2014
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Sprained my ankle, Dad delivers

I sprained my ankle and have to use crutches Dad says "hey now you can get a job at I-hop!" Nice one dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kayaree3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
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No point

I work with disabled people and one child and I have a routine where whenever he hands me his pencil, I hand him his crutches and we leave. Today he hands me his pencil about 2 minutes before we have to leave and says "I would do more work but there's no point."

Before even thinking I respond "Well how were you writing this whole time!? And started cracking up, I actually got a smile...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shroomenheimer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2014
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To the man in camouflage on crutches who stole my wallet earlier:

You can hide, but you can't run.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drummerdanneh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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