He shouted into the room, "Everywhere I go, there's a black bird that sticks to me. He sticks to my fleece jacket, my wool hat, even my velvet gloves!"
The concierge shakes his head and says, "Oh, that's just the Vale crow."
Announcer 1: did that puck just hit a penguin on the bench?
Announcer 2: no... I think it hit a player.
A donkey-whisperer rapper-wanna-be, I was able to back that ass up, yo. Uh huh.
But Washington is Rainier.
I told him "Good luck in all your future en-denvers."
These four states are all against the Oklahoma panhandle.
"You know, if they lost the first game of the season they wouldn't be able to sell beer the rest of the year"
"Why's that?"
"Cause they would have lost the opener"
Edit: Format
Officers say they have nothing to go on
...the hair is just thinner in the Rockies
I read license plate - "Where do you think he's from?"
Dad - "Well I think he's from Krypton."
a conundrum
We live in Texas...
Son: How do we get to Colorado?
Dad: WE drive to Kansas and make a left.
As we pass a sign that reads, "entering Missouri"...
Dad: Well, kids, we're not in Kansas anymore.
Goddammit, dad.
Dad: "So how is the whole marijuana thing going out there?"
Me: "Frustrating, everybody drives slow, prolly cause they're stoned. There's a ton of traffic all the time."
Dad: "Well that's a.......drag HAHAHAHA"
I could hear the knee slap over the phone.
"I guess she was too high." - Dad.
