An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas

An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
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What do you call a Christmas elf from Chicago?

Chance the wrapper

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πŸ‘€︎ u/egstein01
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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Inside I wrote "Half your elf a very merry Christmas"
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheZenPsychopath
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
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What do you call an elf with no Legos on Christmas?

Legolas

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CeeMooreButts
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
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Why is Kendrick Lamar such a great Christmas elf?

Because he's an incredible rapper.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SamSusich2015
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2017
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Some Christmas Dad Jokes

Why are Santas reindeer generally drenched with water?

Because they are rain-deer.

Why did Santa have to visit the psychologist?

He had low elf esteem.

source

Why are Christmas trees so uncoordinated when it comes to sewing?

They always drop their needles.

What do you get when you cross a snowman with a hungry mosquito?

Frostbite

​What did Adam say to Eve on the night before Christmas day?

It's Christmas Eve!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bmantis311
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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Santa wakes in a start and turns to Mrs Claus

"I just had the weirdest dream, and I can't make any sense of it."

Mrs Claus sits up and replies "Why don't you tell me about it dear?"

"They're I am, doing the Christmas eve rounds, checking in on the workers and I see one of them topping up the sleigh with gas. It's just routine work, but it woke me up tonight. What do you make of it?"

"Oh I see," Mrs Claus says, "very interesting."

"Well?" Santa says expectantly.

"This is a classic example of an elf fuel filling prophecy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/djott3r
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
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My dad's favourite.

Growing up in Sydney there was a 'Baby Health Centre' across the street. My dad was an older guy so had the typical 'old man pun' sense of humour. Around Christmas one year I was walking by with my dad and he goes 'Hey. Where do baby elves go when they're sick? To the baby ELF centre!' Face palm.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kangawhat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2013
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Dad joked my wife on Christmas Eve .

We were putting up Christmas lights outside our house and I noticed the power lead was laying across the ground in front of our front door. I told my wife we had better tape it down because it's a (dramatic pause for effect) ELF HAZARD! The groan was priceless !

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mywifeh8sme
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2014
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