Chat room Puns

I'm sitting at the dining room table with my mom just chatting about nothing in particular, when my dad walks with this shit eating grin holding something behind his back. Now for a little background info, my dad NEVER does surprises. And I mean never. So I immediately knew something was up. My mom turns around and asks him what's going on. He tells her to close her eyes and hold out her hands because he got her a surprise. At this point my mom gets really excited and asking, "what is it?! What is it?!" To which my dad replies,

"Do you remember when we went out the other day and you were looking at those new running shoes, but you decided not to get them because they were too expensive?"

To which she responds, "ahhhh! Yes I remember!!"

He then says, "well I saw how much you liked them so I decided to get you a pear."

And he puts a fresh pear in her hands.

She still won't talk to him.

I'm working on a project for another company. Every morning we have a quick chat over videoconference. They had to move rooms, so we sat on the line and waited.

When they came back, they said "Hey, we're back."

I replied, "Hi back, we're Initech."

The sigh was the best part.

So I've only known my biological father for a few years. We hardly see each other except on holidays because of his work schedule, my work and college schedule, and distance. So today, he decided to visit me all afternoon and take me out to dinner. Before we left, he sat in the living room and we chatted.

Dad: "Well, young'in, I think I'm ready to eat."

Me: "Yeah, me too, I've been hungry for a while."

Dad: "Oh, really? I hadn't realized you changed your name."

Groan

So it was MT friend's birthday, to celebrate she invited us all over to her house for some dinner.

They've got a pretty big house, and a sweet sound system set up with speakers in each room, so you could play music and everyone in the house will hear it.

So we're all talking and joking around over dinner, my friend hooked up her iPod to the sound system and Ed Sheeran is playing in the background

At this point, her dad comes over to chat

Dad: "So, how do you guys like my house music?"

Friend: "That's not house music dad..."

Dad: "Yeah it is! This is my house, and there's music playing in it, so it's house music!"