My hand slipped off the handle of the casket while carrying it to the hearse and left a deep bruise on my leg.

I was appalled.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into an open casket funeral and approaches the widow at the front. He asks: "Mind if I say a word?". "No, go ahead" she replies.

"Bargain" the man says.

"Thanks" the woman replies. "That means a great deal."

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftfrom
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
🚨︎ report
After a Viagra salesman died from the effects of the drug, the company gifted his family a casket of a new, high-end material.

They call it mourning wood.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jay-overthinks
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
🚨︎ report
afterhours at the casket
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SailorNebula
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the casket sent to hospital?

It's coffin.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeHL
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What did one casket say to the other casket

Is that you coffin?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnooMachines7712
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I was walking down the street after leaving the pharmacy and noticed a casket was chasing me. Well all I had was a bottle off cough syrup so I threw it at the casket...

...and then the coffin stopped.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
It's as transparent as Kim Jong Il's casket
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElsonDaSushiChef
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a new trend in glass caskets.

Success I guess, remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Acerbicsam
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Open casket funeral?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RugsbandShrugmyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday a casket at a funeral home magically came to life, and immediately got sick

It watched the news and became convinced it had contracted the coronavirus from it's intended inhabitant, a Chinese woman from Wuhan who had died of the disease.

The casket went to the emergency room at the nearest hospital.

After overcoming her initial shock at diagnosing a casket, the ER doctor ran a blood test and determined the casket definitely did not have the coronavirus.

"But I feel like I'm dying doctor, and I only just came to life. If it isn't the coronavirus what is it?" worriedly asked the casket.

"I'm not sure," answered the doctor, "we'll have to run some more tests."

"But my fever, the pain in my lungs...what could it be? Doctor if you had to give me your best diagnosis right now without the tests, what do you think could be causing these terrible respiratory symptoms?"

The doctor thought for a moment then answered, "SARS cough I guess."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Y2KoNo
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Two sick Caskets in a Coronavirus isolation ward. One says to the other...

...was that you Coffin ?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2020
🚨︎ report
What does a necrophiliac get at an open casket funeral?

Mourning wood.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SansCulture
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2018
🚨︎ report
What are caskets made of?

Mourning Wood

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tallpapab
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I had a guy try to sell me casket.

I looked at him and said β€œForget it man, that’s the last thing I’ll ever need.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewblaylock
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
A gravedigger exhumed Beethoven's casket.

He opened the lid and there was Ludwig... maddenly erasing sheets of his greatest works. "Just as I thought!" said the gravedigger. "He's decomposing!"

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Melspop
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my wife if I should have an open casket when I die and she shrugged...

β€œHey, it’s your funeral”

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Waziot
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the casket ask for cough drops?

Because he couldn't stop coffin!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/placebo1218
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What did one casket say to the other?

Is that you coffin?

H/T to /u/ctp2nd for the early morning phone call dad joke.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ethridgeag
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Why are caskets unnecessary?

They are nothing but dead weight.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aw_Hell_Naw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2016
🚨︎ report
From my bus driver: What did one casket say to the other at the funeral?

Is that you coffin?

The first one was for when I got on board. Here's the one from when I was getting off the bus: What did one strawberry say to the other? If you weren't so sweet we wouldn't be in this jam!

He's a fantastic bus driver.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RustyRook
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2015
🚨︎ report
What did one casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coffin?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spiff-o-matic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coughin’?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotMetheThree
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What did one casket say to the other casket?

Why you coffin?

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sukablet69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy tried to sell me a casket today.

I said, β€œLook buddy, that’s the last thing I need!”

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaxsnyder
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coffin?

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SummerRoberts1989
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the casket say to the other sick casket?

..is that you coffin?

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/somekindahuman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2017
🚨︎ report
What did one casket say to the other casket?

Is that you coffin (coughing)

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fredtheuser
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2018
🚨︎ report

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