What do you call a very capable teddy bear?

Talented.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
📅︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Ozymandias, king of kings, had a very capable army of snakes.

He is best known for the quote:
“Look on my worms, ye Mighty, and despair!”

👍︎ 4
💬︎
👤︎ u/BinBender
📅︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
"Attention passengers: I'd like to personally welcome you to my first day as a railway conductor. Not to worry though, you're in very capable hands...

I've been training for this."

👍︎ 18
💬︎
📅︎ Jan 28 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're capable of making a post without misspelling your and you're

Do you get a-post-trophee?

Your welcome!

👍︎ 13
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
there is a species of Antelope that is capable of jumping higher than a house.

this is due to its powerful hind legs and the fact that a house cannot jump.

👍︎ 15
💬︎
👤︎ u/Valdagast
📅︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that in the last stages of a Terminator's lifetime it becomes so weak that it is only capable of killing small animals?

At that point it is fired and becomes an ex-Terminator.

👍︎ 138
💬︎
📅︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I’ve heard about new technology capable of building houses way faster than a human

But i need concrete evidence

👍︎ 17
💬︎
👤︎ u/schwenger
📅︎ Mar 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between America and an yogurt

The yogurt is capable of growing a culture after 100 years

👍︎ 14
💬︎
👤︎ u/RDRC
📅︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I knew I was capable of circumcising wolverine.

I just needed hubris.

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What light source is capable of doing everything?

The can-dle.

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/Pdonkey
📅︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
As the title suggests, this is how to successfully catch an elephant: First, you need to dig a hole in the ground that is capable of holding an elephant. Fill the hole with ashes. Line the hole with peas.

And when your elephant comes to take a pea, you kick him in the ash hole.

👍︎ 27
💬︎
👤︎ u/SoDakZak
📅︎ Jul 18 2017
🚨︎ report
Scientists have discovered a new kind of bee that is capable of producing milk.

They refer to it as the boo bee.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/dimick1
📅︎ Oct 30 2014
🚨︎ report
The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

👍︎ 2
💬︎
📅︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the capeless hero get fired from his job?

He wasn't capable to do it.

👍︎ 4
💬︎
📅︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I live in an apartment where the floor above mine is occupied by Dwayne Johnson

I've been living under a rock

👍︎ 24
💬︎
👤︎ u/andoopam
📅︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
There was once a mole who loved oranges...

However, the mole couldn't reach them from the high trees and he struggled to climb them. Luckily, there was a tall giraffe who offered to help and got the oranges down for the mole.

The mole would go up to the giraffe every morning and ask him for some oranges. The giraffe would happily oblige but little by little he would get more irritated. One day, the giraffe finally got mad and told the mole to see the badger who could make a tool to help him get the oranges down from the tree.

The mole trundled over to the badger and asked him to make him a tool to help with the orange problem. The badger happily agreed to help and went into his shed. For a few days after: cutting, grinding and sawing could be heard coming from his shed when he finally emerged with a 4-pointed tool. He then proceeded to demonstrate the 4-point tool by sticking it into an orange and allowing the juice from which to drain down the arm of the tool.

The mole was extremely happy and excited by his new magnificent 4-point tool and showed everyone it's amazing capabilities. After a while, however, he realised he had shown it to pretty much everyone. Then he remembered the black cat resting under the oak tree. So he walked over to the tree and tried to show the black cat the 4-point tool. The cat said he couldn't see it properly and asked the mole to come closer. The mole took a few steps forward. Again, the black cat requested the mole to come closer and the mole cautiously stepped closer. Finally the black cat lunged forward and ate the 4-point tool.

The mole couldn't believe it and exclaimed, "Why did you do that?"

To which the black cat replied, "Oh haven't you heard? I am a 4-point tool eater Jaguar!"

👍︎ 2
💬︎
👤︎ u/alecroc
📅︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Story time!

A baker and his wife had a child. A lovely, healthy boy. Since the wife was mad about history, she wanted to give the boy a name suitable for a man destined for great things. Jokes were made, names proposed, but in the end the decision was made - they named the boy Attila.

Attila showed great potential from an early age - he excelled at sports, grew strong, but his other capabilities were astonishing as well. He learned and went through encyclopedias like a fire through forests. Surely enough, he was bound to become a great man some day.

Apart from being an exceptional young man, he loved animals as well. He was kind and compassionate, equally cherishing all forms of life. Since his parents loved him so much, they bought him all he ever wanted - but he did not ask for much, he was never greedy.

Growing up, he has received many animals as pets - there were cats, dogs, hamsters and even exotic animals - tarantulas, snakes, scorpions, you name it.

Their home became a sort of an animal sanctuary, and Attila took care of all animals with love and passion. But, the family business was starting to suffer when his father the baker got ill.

Being the amazing young man he was, Attila stepped up and started learning secrets of the trade - he started baking like no one else.

But, since he devoted his time to the bakery, the animals were starting to be neglected. He tried feeding them, petting them, but nothing helped.

Slowly, one by one the animals passed away leaving behind only the most resistant ones - the snake and a few spiders.

The spiders were easy to take care of, but the snake wouldn't eat, no matter what. Saddened, Attila came to his mother and asked for advice as he was all out of ideas. Of course, being the caring mother she always was, she passed on her knowledge to Attila:

"This anaconda don't want none, unless you got buns, Hun."

👍︎ 24
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 13 2016
🚨︎ report
What did the muffin say to the other muffin

Since when can do we have the capability to verbally communicate

👍︎ 6
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Fun fact

Researchers have found that some insects are capable of learning human language, these insects are called spelling bees.

👍︎ 8
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to call my dad a donkey...

Ok so when I was about 11 I went through a phase when I was nearly ok with swearing or calling my parents names but still not mentally capable of swearing in front of my parents so I would call my dad a "donkey" whenever he was being a dick. After a while of calling him a donkey he would then respond with this every time I called him it....

"EEEEEEEOOWAYS CALLS ME THAT!"

He would then laugh for about 5 minutes at his own shitty joke. Pissed me off so much that I refuse to say the word donkey around him at all.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
👤︎ u/BazzaDazza
📅︎ Dec 11 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my Dad

Dad: I bet that head of cabbage could make some good coleslaw.

Me: I don't think cabbage is capable of making coleslaw.

👍︎ 30
💬︎
👤︎ u/THeRUSH12
📅︎ Jul 23 2014
🚨︎ report
[Request] Dad jokes needed for wedding toast.

I have to give the toast as the Father of the Bride and I'd like to make it bit more entertaining than I am capable of on my own. Does anyone here have some dad level jokes that are good for the occasion? Maybe the Father of the Bride at your wedding made you laugh or groan?

👍︎ 3
💬︎
👤︎ u/mgoflash
📅︎ Mar 30 2015
🚨︎ report
Got us at dinner the other day

I was out at dinner with my parents a few nights ago, though I'm only getting around to posting this now. For some background, my mom is basically the nicest person in the universe, but my dad, brother and I are all capable of being assholes on a whim as long as we think it would be funny. This came up in conversation, and we got the following exchange:

Mom: I don't understand how you can be so rude when you live with me.
Me: You're too nice. We have to balance you out.
Dad: We're regressing toward the mean.

It actually wasn't all that bad at first. He didn't over-enunciate "mean" or anything. It really only became a true groaner once he added the ultimate joke killer:

"Get it?"

👍︎ 15
💬︎
📅︎ Sep 19 2014
🚨︎ report
/u/TopRamen247 found dadding in the wild.

Found on this ELI5, /u/TopRamen247 proofs to be capable to be a dad.

👍︎ 5
💬︎
👤︎ u/Gerbie3000
📅︎ Mar 24 2015
🚨︎ report
My great uncle just dadjoked me with this email.

I have been in many places, but I've never been in Kahoots. Apparently, you

can't go alone. You have to be in Kahoots with someone.

I've also never been in Cognito. I hear no one recognizes you there.

I have, however, been in Sane. They don't have an airport; you have to be

driven there. I have made several trips there, thanks to my children, friends,

family and work.

I would like to go to Conclusions, but you have to jump, and I'm not too much

on physical activity anymore.

I have also been in Doubt. That is a sad place to go, and I try not to visit

there too often. I've been in Flexible, but only when it was very important to

stand firm.

Sometimes I'm in Capable, and I go there more often as I'm getting older.

One of my favorite places to be is in Suspense! It really gets the adrenalin

flowing and pumps up the old heart!

At my age I need all the stimuli I can get!

I may have been in Continent, but I don't remember what country I was in. It's

an age thing. They tell me it is very wet and damp there.

PLEASE DO YOUR PART! LOVE EACH OTHER! YEP!

My job is done! Life is too short for negative drama and petty

things. So laugh insanely, love truly and forgive quickly!

From one unstable person to another. I hope everyone is happy in your head -

we're all doing pretty well in mine!

Just kidding. All my travel plans are to doctors and the bathroom.

👍︎ 9
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 06 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.