Bit of a long shot...
but does anyone know a sniper?
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Stretching it a bit
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︎ Feb 22 2021
He never bit on the burger invite...
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︎ Mar 10 2021
Just a little bit of meat.
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︎ Feb 25 2021
Ok this needs a bit of context: ็ซ is a Chinese word that is read as 'mao'
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︎ Jan 31 2021
Not to brag, bit I aced the recent drug test at work today
Nobody got higher than me.
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︎ Mar 07 2021
So last week i got myself in a bit of trouble when i mixed up the words jacuzzi and yakuza
Now I'm in hot water with the Japanese mafia
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︎ Feb 25 2021
someone said that the name scar was a bit on the road
but then i say "no its a big one on his eye"
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︎ Mar 09 2021
My therapist just told me I have extreme difficulty in picking up social cues.
I think she is in love with me.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
My dog kept getting bit by a duck at the park today...
It's probably my fault because he's pure bred (pure bread).
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︎ Feb 28 2021
When I was first learning Photoshop I got a bit creative. I could hear my friends roll their eyes.
๐︎ 11
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I was talking to my neighbor's wife and she told me that her dog had bit her husband, so they had to put him down.
Then she asked if I could take out the trash weekly.
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︎ Feb 19 2021
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
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︎ Jan 06 2021
My Child's Paediatrician is usually a bit short tempered when we visit, but then again..
..She always had little patients.
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︎ Jan 23 2021
Every summer I get bit by one thousand and twenty four bugs.
My wife told me to get over it cause it was just one byte.
๐︎ 22
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︎ Jan 02 2021
I arrived early to the restaurant. The manager said do you mind waiting a bit? I said no.
Good, he said. Take these drinks to table nine.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
You know it's a bit chilly out when you walk outside
And it's a bit chilly out.
๐︎ 3
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︎ Feb 12 2021
When the road is a bit rocky...
๐︎ 32
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︎ Dec 26 2020
2 of our friends came over at around 1 AM and to be honest, I was a bit embarrassed to let them in
Hadnโt cleaned the house all year
๐︎ 25
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︎ Jan 01 2021
The sky looked a bit foreboding this morning, so I asked Siri "Surely it's not going to rain today?" Siri replied "It is, and don't call me Shirley."
I must have left my phone in Airplane mode.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
๐︎ 90
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︎ Dec 16 2020
My dog was acting a bit angry since I took him to the vets and get him neutered
But Iโm not worried, since he doesnโt have the balls to do anything
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︎ Jan 20 2021
Switching things up a bit, today.
Going to sit on the television and watch the recliner
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︎ Jan 30 2021
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︎ Nov 27 2020
I turned off the fan because I was a bit cold...
I wonder why everyone else on the helicopter is panicking?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
A bit later than usual, but here's Dadvent day 9!
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︎ Dec 09 2020
Let me give you a bit of advice....
๐︎ 25
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︎ Dec 14 2020
My employer asked me to tell a bit about myself
๐︎ 11
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︎ Dec 18 2020
My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...
She has a nice piece of asp!
๐︎ 5
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︎ Jan 01 2021
I'm going to open a pizza joint where they shake a box a bit before they hand it to you.
I'll call it Little Seizures.
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︎ Sep 20 2020
Imade a similar one a few days ago bit i fpund more squirrels
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︎ Nov 01 2020
I know, I know... This pun was a bit nutty
๐︎ 9
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︎ Nov 20 2020
A girl came up to me and said she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. I was a bit confused.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Punny & a bit wholesome.
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︎ Oct 08 2020
What's the best bit about a Covid cake?
It'll never run out as the Government is always adding new tiers.
๐︎ 2
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︎ Dec 20 2020
my friend bit me and told me I was transgender
so I said โoh wow, I didnโt know it could transpireโ
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Many Folks Donโt Know that Santa Often has to Clean the Small Bits of Poo from his Reindeer Butts.
They call them Jingle Berries.
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︎ Dec 09 2020
What do you call a guy who comes across a bit rude and abrupt?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
My pet seal was getting a bit old and wrinkly
... so I bought a seal iron
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︎ Oct 08 2020
What kind of shoes do bakers wear?
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︎ Jan 22 2021
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company....
I am now the main stake holder.
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︎ Mar 05 2021
Why are 0 and 1 the only numbers with genders?
All the others are non-binary
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︎ Jan 24 2021
Looking to learn a bit more about the foods we traditionally eat on Thanksgiving...
Can anyone recommend a good bog about cranberries?
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My 4y olds temp is a bit high this morning so I told her she was as sick as a dog we have to take her to the vet.
She was a bit scared a very confused until we showed up at grandmas house as usual. Happy Veterans Day to my mom and those who served ! and thanks to all of you that are AD | NAD | TRS | TAMP for your service.
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I had a happy childhood. My dad used to put me in tires and roll me down hills
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I am not proud of this... okay maybe a little bit
๐︎ 8
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︎ Sep 21 2020
Bit of a long shot....
Does anyone know of a good sniper?
๐︎ 7
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︎ Mar 01 2021
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