I took 2 aspirin pills yesterday and I ran away from my kids

Because I read the label and it said to keep away form children

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
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If Dad takes too much aspirin, what should mom do?

Give him a headache.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Why is there no aspirin in the jungle

Because the parrotscetamol

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darth-cool-dude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
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My mom's sister once mistook Ritalin for aspirin...

It really upped the aunty!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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What do you get when you take aspirin?

A hadache

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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Why doesn't Darth Vader take aspirin?

Because then he'd be Anacin Skywalker

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2020
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Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the parrots eat em' all.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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Why is there no aspirin in the jungle?

Because the paracetamol.

(Thank you The League of Gentlemen, Season 1 Episode 1).

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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
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Doth Thou Have Any Aspirin? ipfs.pics/QmaUpMkNiUyKrnz…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/interfect
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2015
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I took some aspirin before getting on a plane

Because I knew the flight would make me soar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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What did one painkiller say to the other?

"You're what I'm aspirin to be."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/insane_eraser
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
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Why are elephants big, gray, and wrinkled?

If they were small, white, and smooth they would be aspirin.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
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To the man who stole all my crops,

Take an aspirin, because you have my grains.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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What do you give a bird with a headache? A Parakeetamole.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Edddie1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2016
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My father's favourite pharmaceutical jokes.

"Why is an elephant big grey and lumpy?"

"Because if it was small, round and white it would be an aspirin."

Mild titters, interrupted by:

"Why is an aspirin small, round and white?"

"To stop you from taking an elephant for a headache!"

Cue groaning.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Badgerfest
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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Dad cracked this one during breakfast

My brother was taking some aspirin Dad: Why isn't there any aspirin in the jungle Me: damnit go on Dad: because the parrots-eat-em'all (paracetamol)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/willx500
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2014
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Why is there no aspirin in the rainforest?

Because the paracetamol.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JinglePrivates
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2015
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