I used Apple Watch to monitor my workout when I was at Orange Theory ...

Basically my overall performance was compared with Appleโ€™s and Orangeโ€™s.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Hahaha_Joker
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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My dad knew I wanted an Apple Watch...he delivered!

https://i.imgur.com/9IrzGtD.jpg

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/D4rkr4in
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2018
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Apple Watch
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Gasmask_Boy
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 28 2019
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New Apple watch
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Deathlysin
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
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Apple Watch
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Verto05
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 29 2018
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Apple Watch
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ZombieG4mer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Guys, I got a new Apple Watch for Christmas!
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ItzYaBoi25
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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If McDonald's and Apple merged we would get Big MacBooks, Apple Watch Pies, and get free Wi-Fries in store.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/singleandavailable
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
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Her Apple watch was broken, and now she is too.
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/danlsn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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I finally got an Apple Watch for my birthday.

Dunno what the hypeโ€™s about. Didnโ€™t taste anything like an apple, I donโ€™t have time for false advertising.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jadekinsjackson
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 20 2019
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/layover_guy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2017
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My friend accidentally dialed 911 from her Apple Watch.

Now she's on a watch list.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Shadydave
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
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I got an Apple Watch for Christmas.

But my apple is non-intelligent and can't read a clock.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ChocolateMonkeyBird
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 28 2016
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Showing my daughter my new Apple watch....
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/misterdob
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 16 2015
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"Why would anyone buy an apple smart watch just to text?"

Because the watch has more minutes.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/graves2dig
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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Coming home from apple picking this morning, my wife saw a sign from a Jewelry store that read, "Watches 20% off."

Wife, "Wow, watches 20% off. That's not a bad deal."

Me, "Ehh, I'd rather they tell the correct time."

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Platinum_Mattress
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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The crowd watched in suspense as the man attempted to scale the building whilst eating an apple

They feared he may have bitten off more than he could chew

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/lucaewings27
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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What kind of watch does Snow White like to wear?

An Apple Watch.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/AT360306
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I took my wife to an orchard for her birthday and we stood there looking at the trees for about 30 minutes

Not the Apple Watch she was expecting apparently.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Nymphomanius
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I donโ€™t think theyโ€™ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but donโ€™t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. Itโ€™s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

โ€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, โ€˜The good news is..itโ€™ll feel better when it quits hurting.'โ€

Whatโ€™s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind itโ€™s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

โ€œIโ€™ll call you later!โ€- โ€œPlease donโ€™t do that. Iโ€™ve always asked you to call me Dad!โ€

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

โ€œMy dad literally told me this one last week: โ€˜Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.โ€™โ€

โ€œWhenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, โ€˜No, just leave it in the carton!โ€™โ€

I got so angry the other day when I couldnโ€™t find my stress ball.

If I had a dime for every book Iโ€™ve ever read, Iโ€™d say: โ€œWow, thatโ€™s coincidental.โ€

Iโ€™m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

How does a penguin build itโ€™s house? Igloos it together.

โ€œMe: โ€˜Dad, make me a sandwich!โ€™ Dad: โ€˜Poof, Youโ€™re a sandwich!โ€™โ€

โ€œI heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there

A steak pun is a rare medium well done.

โ€œHow can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? Theyโ€™re all girls, otherwise theyโ€™d be uncles.โ€

Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth โ€“ its pasteurized before you even see it

โ€œWhatโ€™s Forrest Gumpโ€™s password? 1forrest1โ€

The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.

I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: โ€œDonโ€™t worry; this is a piece of cake.โ€ I said: โ€œNo, itโ€™s a math problem.โ€

I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.

I donโ€™t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. Iโ€™m just doing it for kicks.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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A whimsical tale...

There once was a princess named Emily, but the royal family called her Em for short. One day the king posed a riddle in order to choose a suitor for his eldest daughter, Elizabeth. The riddle was as follows:

Elizabeth has two apples, and Emily has one apple. Emily gives Elizabeth her apple as a wedding gift. How might you calculate the total amount of apples Elizabeth has presently?

Many days passed and no one could figure out the answer. Of course, on the first day a man came and answered, โ€œSire, to calculate the amount of apples Elizabeth has, you must add Emilyโ€™s apple.โ€ He was promptly executed.

After this, the kingdom was stumped. Nobody knew how to calculate Elizabethโ€™s apples if the answer was not to simply to add Emilyโ€™s apple, and none dared to try and answer unless they were absolutely sure of it.

One night, a young man, determined to find the answer, climbed up the palace walls to watch the royal family as they ate.

โ€œFather,โ€ said Emily, โ€œhave you made the riddle too hard? No one has been able to guess it yet.โ€

โ€œNo worries Em,โ€ responded the king, I have confidence that the time will come soon.โ€

The young man descended the wall, having learned the secret to the riddle.

The next day, dressed In his finest clothes, the young man approached the king with the answer to the riddle.

โ€œWhat is your answer, young man?โ€ declared the king.

The young man replied, โ€œIn order to calculate Elizabethโ€™s apples, you must ADD EMโ€™S APPLE.โ€

The king answered โ€œlol get it?โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Diezlk9
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 02 2017
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Pearl Harbor of puns

If your onion sang hip-hop, would that be a rapscallion?

I used to be an astronaut, but I got tired of eating out of satellite dishes. I wasn't allowed to eat the Milky Way, even though I had to look at it every day. The worst thing was, I never got to visit The Space Bar. Then, when I was visiting the dark side of the moon, I was bitten by a parasite. Now, you might think it's crazy, but the doctor who removed it called it a lunar-tick.

If "womb" is pronounced "woom" and "tomb" is pronounced "toom", shouldn't "bomb" be pronounced "boom"?

China recently tested a new steroid. It basically turns you into The Hulk. The side effect is it could turn you into a crazed zombie that tends to rip the upper extremities from people. People are saying that this could be the zombie apocalypse. In my opinion, lips have nothing to do with it. I call it ARMageddon. The only way to stay safe now is to not let anyone close enough to disarm you.

I recently was going to join the railroad union. I decided against it because it's complicated. If I received instruction on driving the locomotive, would they call it engineering, or training?

I got a sad story about a flower. I don't know who the heck she pissed off, but damn, now she's a Black-Eyed Susan.

I finally figured out what makes leaves angry. Fall. They get so mad they change color. Some are yellow. They're just afraid and run from their problems. The other ones usually just leave.

I went parachuting with my military buddies once. We landed on a department store. I told him I think we're at the wrong coordinates. He said: "Nope. We're right on Target"

I asked a psychologist if Native Americans have strong emotions. He said "Oh yeah, they're intense".

If a psychotic person thought something made sense, would that thought be psychological?

If Matt Damon were searching for a secondhand store, would he be Goodwill Hunting?

My friend is a Marksman for the military. One day, he went to the armory and asked for 3 snipers. They gave him a candy bar. It was a 3 Musketeers.

I want to be there if Dwayne Johnson ever uses a pizza stone. That way I can smell what "The Rock" is cookin'.

Christopher bought a lemon, and the car broke down. Now Christopher Walken.

Have you heard about the latest bank battle on Wall Street? Capital One and Chase got in a fight and Capital One.

You know what a pirate says to his wenches when he sees the shoreline? "LAND HO!"

A man finds a lamp in the desert and dusts it off. Poof! A genie p

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PraetorSolaris
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 26 2019
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Bacon Puns

Why didnโ€™t the drunk Mexican druglord find the Bacon Tree? Because he walked into a Ham Bush!


Whats green and smells like bacon? ย Kermit the Frogโ€™s finger! Why do we cook bacon and bake cookies?


Why did the pig go into the kitchen? He felt like bacon.


Which actor is now being quarantined for Swine Flu? ย Kevin Bacon


If you canโ€™t get Swine Flu from eating bacon what can you get? A1: Obesity A2: Heart Disease A3: Hardening of the Arteries


Whats the name of the movie about Bacon? A1: Frankenswine A2: Hamlet Why do pigs go to New York City? To see the Big Apple.


Why was the meat packer arrested? For bringing home the bacon.


What do you get when you cross a pig and a chicken? The best bacon-and-eggs of your life.


Why did the pig kill the farmer? To save his own bacon. What do you call a bacon wrapped dinosaur? Jurrasic Pork.


What do you call a pig that can tell you about his ancestors? History in the bacon.


How do they get up there? In pigup trucks. What do you get when you cross a pig and a centipede? Bacon and Legs.


What would happen if pigs could fly? The price of bacon would go skyrocket.


What did the boy bacon say to the girl bacon? Girl, youโ€™re bacon my heart melt.


What are they warned to watch out for? Pigpockets.


First Carter Page and now Betsy DeVos. Trumpโ€™s cabinet is like a game of six degrees of Kevin Bacon except with Russia.


Everything must be wrapped in bacon, including bacon.


If Kevin Bacon doesnโ€™t whisper โ€œHere comes the Baconatorโ€ before he has sex all my faith in humanity is lost


Iโ€™ll acknowledge Canada Day when they finally acknowledge thatโ€™s not bacon


If Donald Trump really KNOWS the average WORKER then where are the pics of Trump hungover in 7-Eleven buying bacon in sweat pants?


This guy ordered a vegetarian sandwich and then added bacon. It was like watching someone have a mid-life crisis and then find a cool hobby.


If we donโ€™t build a wall on our northern border, theyโ€™ll soon be maple syrup & Canadian bacon trucks on every corner.


I signed an Executive Order to make Saturday morning bacon and eggs and pancakes with triple butter and syrup non-fattening.


My bedroom smells like maple, bacon and beaverโ€ฆbecause Iโ€™m Canadian.


When the waitress calls you Babycakes you know youโ€™re getting extr

... keep reading on reddit โžก

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Punsville
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 27 2017
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My dad seems to think this is his best joke ever.

He told me he got himself an Apple watch, and proceeded to show me this: http://imgur.com/uptOlfj

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThisisMartie
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
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When is an Apple Watch not an Apple Watch ?..

when it's paired..

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/liesforliars
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 26 2015
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a few jokes that will make u laugh

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it's tearable.

I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I've ever seen.

Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.

How does a penguin build it's house? Igloos it together.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Why don't skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.

Ill call you later. Don't call me later, call me Dad.

What do you call an elephant that doesn't matter? An irrelephant

Want to hear a joke about construction? I'm still working on it.

What do you call cheese that isn't yours? Nacho Cheese.

Why couldn't the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.

What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.

I wouldn't buy anything with velcro. It's a total rip-off.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weeb123xD
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 19 2019
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