Had ambitions to become a plumber...

...but heard it would be too draining ๐Ÿ‘จโ€๐Ÿ”ง

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Rachelsfriendfriend
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
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One day I'll achieve my life's ambition of sticking an Irish cat onto an ice cream

It'll be my Magnum O'Puss.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MartyCrumboid
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
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My kid dreams of one day living in the attic.

He has lofty ambitions.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ryanooooo
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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I once caught a fish with a hundred dollar bill in its mouth.

I know this story may sound a little fishy, some of you may even consider it a whale of a tale, but if you take it in tide Iโ€™m sure youโ€™ll sea the porpoise isnโ€™t me just beingkoi or * squidding* around or fishing for attention; it was shrimply an act of cod that Iโ€™m hooked on sharing with others. If it reely makes anyone crabby or puts me on thin ice, just let minnow and Iโ€™ll gladly clam up. Iโ€™d hate to see this sub flounder or take a dive because of my own shellfish ambitions.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/MC_Minnow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 20 2020
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Watching Rogue One with my 8 year old on Fatherโ€™s Day

When Vader is force choking Orson Krennic and says, โ€œDonโ€™t choke on your ambitions.โ€

My son looked at my and said, โ€œHa Ha! Dad joke!โ€

So proud.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BockBock2000
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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Some of the gem's of Steven Wright

The work of Steven Wright, he's the famous Erudite (comic) scientist who once said: "I woke up one morning, and all of my stuff had been stolen and replaced by exact duplicates."

1 ย  - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

2ย ย  - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

3ย ย  - Half the people you know are below average.

4ย ย  - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

6 ย  - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

7ย ย  - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

8 ย  - If you want the rainbow, you have got to put up with the rain.

9 ย  - All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ...... But she left me before we met.

12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?

13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?

14 - If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

19 - I intend to live forever... So far, so good.

21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

22 - What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name.

25 - If at first, you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

26 - A conclusion is a place where you got tired of thinking.

27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.

33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

34 - If at first, you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ksbalaji
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 30 2020
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My friend wants to move into his parents attic...

He has lofty ambitions.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?

โ€œHas your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?โ€ I asked my friend.

โ€œHe wants to be a garbageman,โ€ he replied.

โ€œThatโ€™s an unusual ambition to have at such a young age.โ€

โ€œNot really. He thinks that garbagemen work only on Tuesdays.โ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/topsarah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2017
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Darth Vader's dad joke from Rogue One [Spoilers]

While force choking Krennic, Vader says: "Donโ€™t choke on your own ambitionโ€

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/frogspyer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 18 2016
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