I don't need to be "the" alpha male, I'm beta than that.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 17 2022
I asked my dog to retrieve a ball from Alpha Centauriβ¦
It was a little far fetched.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 06 2022
What videogame do radioactive materials play?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Jan 02 2023
Alpha, Delta, and Omicron walk into a bar and order a few Coronas.
"That'll be $20.21", the bartender says.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 07 2021
Who are the alpha baby frogs?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 28 2022
But did I win at Bingo?
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Aug 27 2022
I need to be stopped
π︎ 268
π
︎ Sep 13 2022
Also βraising branβ
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jul 16 2022
How did the pirate get to Alpha Centauri?
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 07 2022
If you steal a Tesla,
Do you now have an Edison?
π︎ 50
π
︎ Oct 20 2022
What do you call the best version of Catherine Zeta-Jones ?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 07 2022
My wife swears I told her I liked Alpha-Bits cereal.
I told her thatβs just putting words in my mouth.
π︎ 53
π
︎ Oct 07 2021
That's what my Dad told me, when we left Greece: "If nobody's laughing about your jokes there...
... you need a beta pun."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 17 2022
I wouldβve gotten it wrong
π︎ 3k
π
︎ May 30 2022
I lost my job at the zoo recently.
There was a sign that said do not feed animals.
So i didn't.
π︎ 330
π
︎ May 20 2022
How does an alpha-male gamble
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 09 2021
No need to ask a doctor, obviously
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Aug 24 2021
If Korean pop is shortened to Kpop and Korean Drama is Kdrama...
What, then, is Chinese rap?
Edit:
Notable mentions from the comments:
-
Spanish/Swedish/Swiss/Serbian hits
-
French/Finnish art
-
Country/Canadian rap
-
Chinese/Country/Canadian rock
-
Turkish/Tunisian/Taiwanese rap
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Jan 09 2022
My statistics teacher berated me for not understanding z-scores, but Iβm trying not to take it personally.
I know itβs just his normal distribution of insults.
π︎ 101
π
︎ Jun 25 2022
Falcons only live for around 10 to 15 years.
That means every falcon alive now is a millennial falcon.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Dec 14 2021
My robot will be called Epsilon Alpha, E.A for short
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 07 2021
A person can be alpha male or a beta male but
Hulk is always a gamma male
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 25 2020
Out of many baby snails we put in our fish tank, only one is growing
He must be the alpha snail
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 16 2022
Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
π︎ 29
π
︎ May 14 2021
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Oct 31 2013
So we have alpha males, beta males
why can't we have phi males?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
What did the chemist say when they found two new isotopes of helium?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
In case you haven't seen this one on Wolfram Alpha
π︎ 34
π
︎ Aug 18 2012
Two Italians in love with the same girl decide to show off their cars to see which would impress her more.
It was a competition to see who was the alpha Romeo.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Aug 22 2021
Is Google Assistant a dad?
http://i.imgur.com/KD1dxhgh.jpg
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Oct 20 2016
To be frank.....
I'd have to change my name.
.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 21 2020
Why can the queen-bat read
Because she knows the alpha-bat best
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 26 2021
My date last night didn't go so well...
She was looking for an alpha male, and I was into someone beta looking
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 23 2021
Happy Prime Day Tomorrow
To Optimus. Rodimus, and Alpha Trion!
Sincerely, The Rest of The Autobots
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jun 21 2021
I got both of my sons at the grocery store recently
While choosing a frozen vegetable to eat with dinner I handed my oldest a bag of peas to place in the cart. He looked at them reluctantly. I asked if they wanted to pick something different. After neither boy answered me I said, "speak now or forever hold your peas."
Both sons AND a nearby stranger gave eye rolls!
EDIT: I've never been to the front page before. Thanks for all the love fellow dad jokers!
π︎ 3k
π
︎ Mar 22 2015
Got my girlfriend's family pretty well...
"There are samosas in the kitchen for you both"
My reply: "What're Osas?"
Her Dad's reply: "When are you leaving again?"
π︎ 205
π
︎ Dec 22 2013
The Roman army never fell. They instead moved to the nearest star system.
They became the Alpha Centurions.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 24 2020
The alphabet had a bad case of indigestion,
So it took some Alpha Seltzer to help feel better
π︎ 8
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
I need puns with the word alpha. If this post breaks the rules, I guess al-pha-ck off.
Now that the title works, got any good ones?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 25 2021
Google Assistant telling Dad Jokes
http://imgur.com/22YJqvO.jpg
π︎ 75
π
︎ Mar 13 2017
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