What does a CIA agent do when it's time for bed?
You want the names of the tiny shrimp secret agents?
Sure, I could tell you...but then I’d have to krill you.
As a secret agent, my kids never know what I got them for Christmas..
I always keep the presents under wraps.
A heavily armed man runs into an estate agent....Screaming....
Why do secret agents get the best sleep...
Because they’re always undercover.
Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?
When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.
When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.
What do you call a former FBI agent who now works delivering packages?
Why do elements and chemicals make good real estate agents?
They have a lot of properties.
What do you call a Secret Agent Potato?
How to defeat Agent P in a swordfight.
hear about how deodorant lead to the capture of a cold war agent?
the scent of old spies gave him away
I was brewing my first batch of beer with a friend and he told me to add the seed cones that are used primarily as a bittering, flavoring, and stability agents.
Who were the most tired people in the Cold War?
Why did the FBI agent go to bed?
He needed to be undercover.
What does a CIA agent do when he sleeps?
Today my real estate agent showed me a house that had mirrors as siding
I could really see myself in it
Saw the damnedest thing at the airport. A vulture was trying to board the plane with a dead, rotting animal hanging out of its mouth. Gate agent tried to stop him...
...and the vulture said, "I'm clearly permitted one piece of carrion luggage."
The Pentagon has a bakery where government agents learn secret recipes by mixing the ingredients themselves...
It operates on a knead to know basis.
What does Perry the Platypus smoke?
If you were dating a FBI agent and you broke up...
When my friend, a CIA agent, arrived at the hotel in Syria, dead insects were scattered all over the floor...
He had to sweep for bugs.
Ya know why we had to make the FBI agent leave the bar?
Cattle Farmers respond to Federal Agents burning marijuana fields next door.
"In these troubled times, the steaks have never been higher."
Two male FBI agents went to dinner and a movie.
It was a federal man date.
The secret service agents no longer shout "get down!" anymore.
They shout "Donald, duck!"
It's important to lose closely at lawn signs during election campaigns....
Last time I cast my vote for a real estate agent.
when two german agent walks into the pub in London during WW2
, and one of them said to the waiter:
- Two martini please.
The waiter:
- Dry?
- Nein! Zwei!
Is he a field agent? Does he always make straw-man arguments?
Why do secret agents get the best sleep?
Because they’re always undercover.
(My first original Dad joke. Inspired by my son)
Did you hear about the real estate agent who attended finishing school?
She now shows her manors.
What do you give a guy with a cold that is pretending to be a government agent?
A photon was at the airport, checking in for its flight. The agent asks it if it has any luggage.
The photon says, "No, I'm a light traveler"
Did you hear about that Christian secret agent?
His name was Jason Bourne again.
Checking in at a hotel and the front desk agent tells me they don’t have a bell hop for the night.
I told her they should get the Nobel Prize.
She just stared at me blankly for 8 seconds until she said.... “check out is at 10”
Dad, I'm jacker.
Hi Jacker, I'm [muffled sounds as TSA agent tackles dad]
What is an agent who works for Starbucks & Tim Hortons called?
Did you know that Stephen King's son is Joe?
I'm not joking but he is.
This espionage agent was so terrible at his job, they sent him to raise sheep instead
What did the real estate agent say to the other agent?
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
