A ghost was arrested for haunting someone’s butt.

It was charged with possession of crack.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the spirit of a dead hen haunting a farm?

A poultry-geist.

Courtesy of my father while eating rotisserie chicken.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/valmian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I just bought a Van Gogh haunted house.

I have a eerie feeling about it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WarriorJax
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
You’ll do a lot of dumb things in your youth, son, and that’s okay, because most of the consequences won’t follow you into adulthood. But you know what will always come back to haunt you?

A ghost boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a haunted house drenched in gasoline?

Petrolfied

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Velvet_Thunder
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
There’s a ghost that exclusively haunts city hall in the evening...

He’s a Night Mayor

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/linkhandford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Our house is being haunted by a manic depressive ghost

I call it our bipolargeist.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/katskratched
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When I worked at the Haunted Mansion, a guest once asked me if we had any beer available.

I said, "No. We only have spirits here."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCPStudios
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What unlocks a haunted house?

Spooky

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghost that haunts the set of a day-time tv talk show?

The Phantom of the Oprah.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mumpledump69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to buy the world's most haunted house. I toured it, but it seemed like a normal house...

Nothing jumped out at me.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
A couple were interested in buying a haunted house.

The owner took them around the ground floor and everything looked perfect, even more so for the low price. The couple were suspicious that they saw no sign of anything supernatural, yet. The owner was pleasant and a little excited when showing them the house, until they got to the stairs. The woman stopped and looked incredibly uncomfortable as she stalled for time. Growing impatient, the couple asked her:

"What's upstairs?"

"Not much, what's up with you?" replied the stairs.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goaheadidareyou
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What haunts a chicken coop?

Poultrygeist

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/socrkng57
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m being haunted by a dead chicken!!

It’s a poultrygiest

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AnnoyingChef
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the thrift store in Boston....

... that's been plagued with unexpected phenomenon and ghost sightings recently? Well, Matt Damon has decided he wants to make a movie out of the story.

It's going to be called Goodwill Haunting

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackrabbits1im
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a ghost that haunts Santa?

A polargeist

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rawtistic-asian
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I once tried doing stand up at a haunted comedy club

I got booed off stage

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fenris752
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

That place was giving me the crΓͺpes

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordg52
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I attended a comedy night at a haunted mansion

All the ghosts booed at me.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zance21
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a haunted Kentucky Fried Chicken near my house.

They think it's poultrygeist.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto-McWrect
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you guys seen the Disney movie about the dancing ghost princess?

It's called polka-haunt-us

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MJStruven
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
What kind of ghost haunts a turkey pen?

A poultrygeist

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlumShadey
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I was trying to pick my favorite scare from a haunted house...

But nothing really jumped out at me

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
How does a ghost do to get ready to haunt somewhere?

Draw up some booprints.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/onthedown_lough
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm being haunted by the ghost of a French pastry chef.

He's really giving me the crepes

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dandehmand
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Ever since I killed one of my chickens with the lawn mower...

all manner of scary, haunting things are happening to me. I may have a poultrygeist.

πŸ‘︎ 105
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
We will never run out of puns now!

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/communist_scumbag
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to tour a haunted bathroom the other day...

In the toilet, floating just above the water, was a ghostly poop. I was so terrified, I shrieked a long sustained note until, finally, the feces disappeared.

Luckily I was able to remember that you can kill boo turds with one's tone.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife doesn’t want to buy a house near a graveyard, because she’s afraid it’ll be haunted...

Personally I’d love to, because it would be dead quiet...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RunningPup
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I rented a house that turned out to be haunted. My landlord let me move to another house that he owned; that one was also haunted.

I guess I chose the lessor of two evils.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fat_Hitchhiker
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2017
🚨︎ report
Why don't lions hunt in elephant graveyards?

So they don't become the haunted (hunted)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kekebolt12
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Reports of a new haunted bakery are surfacing

Customers report the bakery is giving them the crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevingcp
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2016
🚨︎ report
I visited a haunted hotel in France

It gave me the crepes

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VodkerAndToast
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Don’t annoy ghosts.

It might come back to haunt you!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Sent her a post about a kid haunted by Danny DeVito.

http://m.imgur.com/QVcsxjj

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SIacktivist
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2016
🚨︎ report
What kind of ghost haunts a hen house?

A poultry-geist.

This actually came from an NPC in WoW today...I groaned. He must have been a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Azsunyx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2013
🚨︎ report
Shaggy dog story?

I saw a shaggy dog on here maybe a month ago. It was about a couple kids in a haunted house. If anyone could put me in the right direction that would be much appreciated

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CmanSwish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a haunted bed and breakfast in France

I left.

The place was giving me the crepes.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What will you never find in a haunted house?

A living room.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/coot32
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A giant list of puns from r/copypasta

A giant list of puns

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn’t have the balls to do it.

I used to be afraid of hu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're being haunted by the spirit of a chicken, you have a poultrygeist.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jook11
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2015
🚨︎ report
I once told a bad joke about ghosts...

It still haunts me to this day

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GigaMike123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I killed a chicken last week

Now I Think I’m getting haunted by a poultrygeist

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smokycash
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2019
🚨︎ report
514 Dad Jokes

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Why did the cookie cry? Because his father was a wafer so long!

I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.

What do you call a belt with a watch on it? A waist of time.

How do you organize an outer space party? You planet.

I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.

Do you know where you can get chicken broth in bulk? The stock market.

I cut my finger chopping cheese, but I think that I may have greater problems.

My cat was just sick on the carpet, I don’t think it’s feline well.

Why did the octopus beat the shark in a fight? Because it was well armed.

How much does a hipster weigh? An instagram.

What did daddy spider say to baby spider? You spend too much time on the web.

Atheism is a non-prophet organisation.

There’s a new type of broom out, it’s sweeping the nation.

What cheese can never be yours? Nacho cheese.

What did the Buffalo say to his little boy when he dropped him off at school? Bison.

Have you ever heard of a music group called Cellophane? They mostly wrap.

Why does Superman gets invited to dinners? Because he is a Supperhero.

How was Rome split in two? With a pair of Ceasars.

The shovel was a ground breaking invention.

A scarecrow says, "This job isn't for everyone, but hay, it's in my jeans."

A Buddhist walks up to a hot dog stand and says, "Make me one with everything."

Did you hear about the guy who lost the left side of his body? He's alright now.

What do you call a girl with one leg that's shorter than the other? Ilene.

I did a theatrical performance on puns. It was a play on words.

What do you do with a dead chemist? You barium.

I bet the person who created the door knocker won a Nobel prize.

Towels can’t tell jokes. They have a dry sense of humor.

Two birds are sitting on a perch and one says "Do you smell fish?"

Do you know sign language? You should learn it, it’s pretty handy.

What do you call a beautiful pumpkin? GOURDgeous.

Why did one banana spy on the other? Because she was appealing.

What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef.

What do you call a cow with two legs? Lean beef.

What do you call a cow with all of its legs? High steaks.

A cross eyed teacher couldn’t control his pupils.

After the accident, the juggler didn

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Josvys
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report

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