911 Puns

A list of puns related to "911"

A man called 911 after his 76 year old mother wandered out of the family home during the night. When asked what she had been wearing and if she had any personally identifying features about her, he advised she was barefoot, half naked and had a visible scar from her hysterectomy.

The dispatcher replied, “So... no shirt, no shoes, no cervix?”

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👤︎ u/GhostsoftheDeepState
📅︎ Mar 13 2021
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I believe instead of 911 or 112, in case of a medical emergency you should call 12345678

Because that's the proper First Aid number

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👤︎ u/Sjoeqie
📅︎ Feb 24 2021
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My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.

I responded: So they can send the swat team.

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👤︎ u/OfficerBarbier
📅︎ Sep 18 2020
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What happens when you call 119 instead of 911?

The cop car comes in reverse

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👤︎ u/VoKai
📅︎ Dec 24 2020
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Hello, 911.
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👤︎ u/ZombieGombie
📅︎ May 20 2019
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Why'd the guy panic and call 911 when he realized an ocean was forming around him?

It was an emergent sea.

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ May 29 2020
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I called 911 on a guy because he was holding graph paper.

Pretty sure he was plotting something...

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👤︎ u/PeanutFreeMeatLoaf
📅︎ Dec 14 2019
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Why can't a blonde dial 911

She can't find the 11

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👤︎ u/andrizzle86
📅︎ Apr 17 2020
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Somebody call 911!
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👤︎ u/100kUpvotesOrBust
📅︎ Nov 18 2018
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A man rushed to dial 911 one evening when his wife displayed early signs of a stroke.

"Don't worry, sir," reassured the dispatcher. "Emergency services are on their way. Just try to remain calm and stay with her until they arrive."

"How long will the ambulance be?" the man asked.

"About eighteen feet," replied the dispatcher.

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👤︎ u/Muchacho1994
📅︎ Jul 03 2019
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Dad joke level: 911 EMEREGENCY

Not my dad but I saw this and automatically thought of dad jokes.. http://imgur.com/eZSMsbq

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👤︎ u/WildCard261
📅︎ Jun 17 2014
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911 whats your emergency?

Man: My wife is getting into labor i dont know what to do

Operator: is it her first born?

Man: no it is her husbend

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👤︎ u/TheMilkManOverThere
📅︎ Oct 14 2019
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hey...911 someone in our club just died

911: calm down...we don't want a panic! at the disco

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👤︎ u/Alay6308
📅︎ Sep 01 2019
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A man calls 911...

911 Operator: 911 what's your emergency

Man: My wife is going into labour and I don't know what to do!

911 Operator: Okay. Calm down. Is this her first child?

Man: No, this is her husband.

Sorry if the spacing is off, I'm typing this from my phone.

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👤︎ u/JaYbLeS68
📅︎ Sep 06 2014
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If you've ever seen a pair of crows while youre walking by, call 911.

There was an attempted murder.

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👤︎ u/KneeCola77
📅︎ Dec 25 2018
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911, I need to report a murder.
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👤︎ u/MoffKalast
📅︎ Aug 20 2018
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“Hello 911.” “What’s your emergency?” “These men won’t stop laughing.” “That’s annoying, but not a crime.”

“Wtf is manslaughter then.”

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👤︎ u/wannabetechjunkieee
📅︎ Dec 16 2018
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I called 911 twice today - and no answer...

I tell you: those guys at 1822 are the worst.

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👤︎ u/proborc
📅︎ Mar 06 2019
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My friend accidentally dialed 911 from her Apple Watch.

Now she's on a watch list.

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👤︎ u/Shadydave
📅︎ Dec 31 2017
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Dad joke that almost ended in 911 call.

I came downstairs from taking a shower. Everything was going great ... Until I looked out in the kitchen and saw my dad sprawled out facedown on the floor. I only saw his bottom half, and I was too afraid to look through the doorway and see what the hell happened. I instantly freaked out and started yelling. I don't even remember what I said, but it was something like "What's going on?!?" or "What happened here?!?!" I don't even know what was going on in my head. I thought he passed out or had a heart attack or something. My dog was standing over him staring, looking really confused.

I pulled out my phone and tried to dial my mom, but I was too nervous. Then I realized that was stupid and I should call 911. (Keep in mind I was so panicked/freaked out that I hadn't even seen his face... If he died or something I didn't want to see it. I was terrified.) The whole time I was yelling "What happened??! What's going on?!?!" I dialed the 9, maybe the 1...

And he stands up, laughing. He wanted to see how I would handle the situation. His explanation was he "thought it would be funny to see how I'd act."

I can't unsee it. I honestly thought he collapsed from a heart attack or something. He thought the whole thing was hilarious.

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👤︎ u/Saarnath
📅︎ Aug 27 2014
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911 Emergency

https://i.chzbgr.com/original/8128352512/1B332EFF/1

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👤︎ u/Roshambo_USMC
📅︎ Sep 05 2014
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Calling 911 (x-post /r/funny)

http://i.imgur.com/hTWLwtk.jpg

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👤︎ u/MakeFake
📅︎ May 14 2014
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