800 Puns

Because it was the time of knights.

Achthundert

If you, or a loved one, wear glasses and are being forced to wear a mask, you may be entitled to condensation.

“Boeing, Boeing, Boeing”

Arnold: I’m not a terminator anymore, I’m retired

Me: But my house is filled with cockroaches & rats, please help!!!

Arnold: How‘s that my concern?

Me: If you’re retired doesn’t that make you an exterminator?

Some people have too many dollars and not enough scents.

800 words a minute

I don’t know but we’re getting warmer

He thought it was a fine joke.

Your Kid in Me

Call 1-800-[(10x)(ln(13e))]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]

MOM: stares

DAD: clenches fist

MOM: HONEY, DON'T..!

DAD: starts sweating

SON: oh no..

DAD: HI GAY, I'M DAD..!

I don't remember what it's from, but I do remember that the scene involved a squad of soldiers with their sergeant coming across the enemy, and it went like this:

Sergeant: Fire at will!
Private: Uh, who's Will?
Sergeant: Just shoot, you idiot!

Dad (looking at a website) : "How do I change my profile?"

Me: "Cut off your nose"

Fried farts and vinegar.

I heard that joke at least 800 times growing up.

Phone rings and dad sees its and 800 number. Always answers and let's the telemarketer tell his whole spiel. Telemarketer: "would you be interested in purchasing this item?" dad: "hold on please let me go ask my goat"