My wife just texted me about a new mattress she found online for $600 off

I replied β€œDon’t you think we should sleep on it first?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Custer99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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What did the 600-pound canary say to the cat?

[[in your deepest possible voice]] Here kitty kitty kitty....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikerowave
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2020
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My friend said he couldn't play with us because he had to write a "600 words reflection" so I did one for him

900 ʍoɹps

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeviAEthan512
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
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A 600 pound man went to the doctor's office today

His nutritionist advised him to either start a new diet or exercise more but the man couldn't outweigh his options

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πŸ‘€︎ u/McDiddy2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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So I dropped 600 calories in one minute today.

My cheese burger fell on the floor.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjjsteen3
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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600 years in waiting

Exploring Blarney Castle, built in 1446, with my family.

Son: I found a new room!

Me: I imagine it's pretty old, actually.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2015
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The Irony Of It

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ford456fgfd
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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Made my dad cringe with this dad joke yesterday...

Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and he turned 52. I called him to wish him a happy birthday, find out what he wanted to do for dinner, etc, all the stuff you do on someone's birthday.

Then I said, "You're only ten years away from your one-minute birthday!"

He seemed confused so I had to clarify... "You know, your... Sixty-Second birthday!"

I could hear the cringe through the phone, and I heard my fiancΓ©e groan from downstairs.

Now I just have to hope he forgets over the next ten years so I can make this joke again.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamtowelieama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2015
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[At the therapist] Her: He’s always trying to jeopardize our relationship.

Therapist: And how do you respond to that?

Me: I’ll take β€œMy wife is being a big baby” for $600, Alex.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
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Little late, but I think /r/dadjokes would like to see a list of my New Years resolutions
  1. 1920 x 1080 (tower PC)
  2. 1366 x 768 (chromebook)
  3. 1080p (TV)
  4. 1024 x 600 (tablet)
  5. 360 x 480 (phone)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DupaZupa
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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What's the longest Broadway musical?

Rent. One of the songs is 525,600 Minutes!

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ‘€︎ u/AuthorTomFrost
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2016
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Every time were in the car and this sign shows up...

A head! where!?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zakcarroll1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2015
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What did the 600 pound canary say to the cat?

<in your lowest possible voice> Here kitty kitty kitty...

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/mikerowave
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
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