I replied “Don’t you think we should sleep on it first?”
[[in your deepest possible voice]] Here kitty kitty kitty....
His nutritionist advised him to either start a new diet or exercise more but the man couldn't outweigh his options
My cheese burger fell on the floor.
Exploring Blarney Castle, built in 1446, with my family.
Son: I found a new room!
Me: I imagine it's pretty old, actually.
Yesterday was my dad's birthday, and he turned 52. I called him to wish him a happy birthday, find out what he wanted to do for dinner, etc, all the stuff you do on someone's birthday.
Then I said, "You're only ten years away from your one-minute birthday!"
He seemed confused so I had to clarify... "You know, your... Sixty-Second birthday!"
I could hear the cringe through the phone, and I heard my fiancée groan from downstairs.
Now I just have to hope he forgets over the next ten years so I can make this joke again.
Therapist: And how do you respond to that?
Me: I’ll take “My wife is being a big baby” for $600, Alex.
Rent. One of the songs is 525,600 Minutes!
A head! where!?