Apple Pie is a ridiculous $5 a slice in the U.S., but only $1 in Jamaica, the Bahamas, & the Virgin Islands
Those are the pie rates of the Caribbean
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︎ Nov 11 2020
I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
I once got into a bar fight with the number 1. His friends 3, 5, 7, and 9 showed up to help him.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Aug 07 2020
What do 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9 do when theyβre angry?
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︎ Sep 12 2020
Why did Episodes 4, 5 and 6 come out before 1, 2 and 3?
In charge of scheduling Yoda was.
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︎ May 04 2020
Julie Andrewsβ Daily Schedule: 1. Impersonate Homer Simpson 2. Read about bushcraft 3. Watch ludicrously silly play 4. Replace button on blouse 5. Start making coffee flavoured bread
Dβoh, Ray Mears, Farce, Sew, Latte Dough.
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︎ Aug 23 2020
Why canβt the number 5 perform sexually when number 1 is on top?
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︎ Aug 14 2020
A mom angrily told her 4 year old son to say counting if he wanted to get his lunch. So the boy started... 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 9 10...
I don't think he need that lunch anymore. He already 8
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︎ Aug 17 2020
Last night I got beat up by the numbers 1, 3, 5, 7, and 9.
I guess the odds were against me.
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︎ Apr 15 2020
Why do 1, 2, 3, 5, and 7 keep attacking me?
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︎ Apr 13 2020
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︎ Jun 17 2020
Step 1: Name your dog 5 miles.
Step 2: Brag that you walk 5 miles every day
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︎ Mar 22 2018
When I reach home, my 1.5 y.o. son rushes out to the gate to sit in my lap while I park the car. Then he just grabs the steering and starts shaking it with brrrmmm brrrmmm sound. His cute antics always make me forget that he's suffering from a rare disease.
It's called Parking Son's disease.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger.
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︎ Mar 12 2018
Went to the local deli and ordered 1 lb of Swiss. The clerk gave me 3.5 lb instead.
I guess he went ham on that Swiss.
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︎ Dec 16 2019
I heard my teenager mumbling in her sleep. She kept repeating, "1,3,5,7,9"
Literally she can't even.
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︎ Jun 05 2018
1. Cockadoodle 2. Yabba Dabba 3. Voo 4. Sea 5. Didgeri
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︎ Sep 26 2019
My wife put food in front of our 1.5 yr old
She said "say your prayer"
He said "Prayer" then just smirked at her
So proud right now.
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︎ Sep 09 2016
I saw a sign at a roadside stand that read, ''Lobster Tails Β£1.5" so I stopped the car, walked over and handed my money to the proprietor. He looked me in the eyes, took a deep breath and said...
"Once upon a time there was this
lobster..."
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︎ Sep 09 2019
When I was in high school, our prank was to release pigs with 1,3 and 5 painted on them.
After looking for 2 and 4 like crazy they thought...... That's odd
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︎ Aug 14 2019
The parade has been on for more than 1.5 minutes and now I'm confused...
... because at the beginning, the announcer clearly said "Welcome to the 90-second Thanksgiving Day parade!"
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︎ Nov 22 2018
Son: Dad, did you know that 1 out of 5 children in the world still face hunger?
Dad: Why isnβt anybody turning the 5th kid around?
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︎ Jun 15 2019
I told my dad, βDid you know that 1 out of 5 kids today faces hunger?β
Dad: Someone should turn that 5th kid around.
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︎ May 16 2019
5 birds on a fence and you shoot 1 how many do you have left?
Zero. The rest would fly away.
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︎ Oct 30 2018
Statistics say you are most likely to get in a car accident within 1.5 km of your house.
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︎ Apr 06 2019
1,3,5,7,9,11,13,15,17
This might seem odd but I can't even
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︎ Apr 10 2019
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︎ Mar 04 2018
π︎ 3
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︎ Jan 24 2018
Probably 1/5 people make up random statistics.
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︎ Jul 16 2018
Why did the mathematician get stoned on 1/5?
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︎ Apr 21 2017
My husband started counting to the neighborhood kids - 1, 3, 5, 7, 9 and then asked the kids what he was doing....
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︎ May 26 2017
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in 4, 5, 6, 1, 2, 3?
Yoda: In charge of scheduling, I was.
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︎ Jun 29 2020
I challenged number 1 to a fight, but he bought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9
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︎ Aug 27 2019
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
Edit: Thanks so much!! This is my first award!
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︎ Dec 24 2019
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7, and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Aug 27 2019
Why did Star Wars 4, 5, and 6 come before 1, 2 and 3?
Because in charge of the schedule Yoda was.
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︎ Jun 30 2019
Why did the Star Wars movies come out in the order 4 5 6 1 2 3?
In charge of the sequence. Yoda was.
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︎ Oct 18 2019
This joke ends in 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 3, 2, 1
Itβs a four-gone conclusion.
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︎ Dec 10 2019
I challenged the number 1 to a fight, but he brought his friends 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Aug 30 2019
I had a dream about 1, 3 and 5 last night...
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︎ Jan 03 2020
I got into a fight with 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
The odds were against me.
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︎ Oct 22 2016
1,3,5,7,9...
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︎ Apr 24 2019
βDad, did you know that 1 out of every 5 kids today still face hunger?β
Dad: Why isnβt somebody turning that kid around?
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︎ Sep 03 2019
So, the other day I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9.
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︎ Jun 17 2018
This weekβs winning lottery numbers are 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9.
I mean, what are the odds?
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︎ Sep 02 2018
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8...9..9.1...9.2...9.3.. Are you counting?', they asked.
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︎ Apr 21 2017
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