What do you call a small insect that bites Muslims in their house of worship?
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︎ Apr 05 2021
In search of spiritual enlightenment, I travelled to India and encountered a mystic sage that worshipped flat bread and flat bread only.
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︎ Feb 01 2021
My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes.
Heβs a catholic converter.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Lunar new year in Vietnam is celebrated with lion dances, dragon dances, fireworks, family gatherings and meals, ancestor worship, and giving red envelopes to children and the elderly.
Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.
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︎ Feb 06 2021
What does water worship?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
What do you call a religion that worships cannonballs?
Some might say it doesnβt exist so it isnβt canon in history, but if it existed, it would be called.....
Cannibalism
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︎ Dec 10 2020
I think my wife worships me.
She puts burnt offerings in front of me everyday.
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︎ Dec 17 2020
In Ancient Greece, people who had beliefs contrary to the worship of Poseidon were executed for Heresea
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︎ Nov 16 2020
Islam, Judaism, and Christianity have been in conflict with each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
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︎ Mar 02 2021
Is anyone interested in my religion that worships pinto beans?
We believe they're holy frijoles!
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︎ Aug 08 2020
What do you call someone who worships diseases?
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︎ Sep 28 2020
My friend the artist made sketches of people worshiping gods and idols...
He drew praise for his artwork.
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︎ Sep 06 2020
How do mice worship?
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Who do the dairy people worship?
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︎ Aug 16 2020
Which deity did the Aztecs worship at lunchtime?
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︎ Jul 17 2020
What do you call insects that bite you during worship?
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︎ Jun 02 2020
What do you call Ancient Egyptian males that worship the sun?
Ramen
(Joke derived from u/praetorsolaris)
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︎ Feb 09 2020
I heard about a cult that worships the number zero.
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︎ Apr 15 2019
I'm EGGnostic I worship the egg
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︎ May 23 2019
The churches in Las Vegas
Did You Knowβ¦
In Las Vegas there are more Catholic Churches than casinos. Not surprisingly some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings. The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed In.
This is done by the chip monks.
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︎ Dec 03 2020
What does Keanu Reeves use to dry his tears when Keanu Grieves?
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︎ Jul 10 2019
Thinking of becoming a Satan worshiper
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︎ Jul 11 2016
Calcium Oxide went to India. And people there started worshiping him.
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︎ Jan 29 2018
Who do Texan Muslims worship?
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︎ Apr 16 2018
What do you get when you cross a blood sucking arachnid with a moon worshiping cult?
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︎ Aug 11 2018
In house of worship today, I prayed, "deity of choice, please help me to be less judgemental!"
Then I thought, "stop judging yourself, you bastard!"
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︎ Jan 06 2019
What do you call people who worship paper bags?
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︎ Mar 28 2017
Had to return this cookie it had a hare in it
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︎ Apr 13 2019
What do you call someone that worships The Fonz?
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︎ Dec 15 2017
I tried to join a worship group...
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︎ Sep 28 2015
Our church just replaced our giant wood pulpit for a smaller metal pulpit that is equally heavy.
We are now a heavy metal church.
We will be introducing Black Sabbath to our worship set soon.
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︎ Jun 14 2020
Raking at my place of worship gave birth to an unfunny dad joke
I was gathering the leaves from my huge pile of leaves and placing them in a garbage bag inside of a garbage can. To squeeze them down, I lifted my foot up and stomped on the leaves. One of my buddies who's like 13 says to me from the other side of the fence "All you can do is hurt leaves." I stare back at him and say "so the others know they better leave me alone."
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︎ Nov 23 2014
Do you know why I consider my warehouse job a sacred thing?
Because worshipping pallets!
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︎ Feb 03 2019
Coworker said, "if you do that again, I'll kick you in the shin."
"That's alright, I wore shinguards today."
"...why?"
"Just for kicks!"
All I got for my wit was a deadpan look and a slow head shake.
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︎ Oct 05 2014
What do you call a dyslexic Satanist?
Someone who worships Santa.
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︎ Oct 11 2018
Did you hear about the guy who got cooled to absolute zero?
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︎ Dec 08 2016
[I've extended the original!] // What do you call a blind deer?
No eye deer.
What do you call a blind deer with no legs?
Still no eye deer.
What do you call a blind deer with no legs & no genitalia?
Still no f*cking eye deer!
What do you call a blind deer with no legs & no genitalia that's been worshipping the devil?
Still no f*cking goddamned eye deer!
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︎ Sep 02 2017
Why are Christians so good at calculating perpendicular vectors?
They worship the cross product.
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︎ Dec 12 2016
New Religion
I was taking my daughter and her friend to get a snack and they started talking about starting a new religion where everyone worshipped food.
I said, "If a part of your congrgation breaks away to only worship the sweet foods, would you call them desserters?"
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︎ Oct 09 2014
He's not a dad but I'm pretty sure I got dadjoked at rehearsal this evening.
I lead the worship team at church and I'm the only one with a key to the instrument room. I went to get the key and when I came back, my keyboardist was banging his head on the door over and over.
I said, "were you just gonna try breaking it down like that? I do have a key."
He replied, "well, I thought I was making good headway."
He may have a head injury. Also, he's in his fifties.
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︎ Jun 11 2014
Calcium Oxide went to India. And people there started worshiping him.
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︎ Jan 29 2018
My dad dadjoked me on FB (longish)
His post, which I took at face value until the DJ:
This may come as a surprise to those of you not living in Las Vegas but there are more Catholic churches than casinos.
Not surprisingly, some worshipers at Sunday services will give casino chips rather than cash when the basket is passed.
Since they get chips from many different casinos, the churches have devised a method to collect the offerings.
The churches send all their collected chips to a nearby Franciscan monastery for sorting and then the chips are taken to the casinos of origin and cashed in.
This is done by the chip monks.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 28 2014
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