It’s Valentine’s Day today. 3 years ago today I asked my best friend, my childhood sweetheart and the most beautiful girl in the world to marry me
All three of them said no
Want to know what it’s like to have the best kid in the world?
You’ll have to ask Grandma and Grandpa.
Saudi Arabia grows the best damn weed in the world.
Smoke it once and you get stoned twice
My sister told me that the best excerise in the world was touching your toes.
I told her that was a stretch.
There is a restaurant in Italy that makes the best eggs Benedict in the world.
Apparently there's no place like Rome for the Hollandaise.
A man goes in to an international bakery and says "I want the best pie in the world!"
The owner thinks for a second and says "Well, that would definitely be a pie from either Jamaica, Dominican Republic, or Barbados, and those are $65 each." Angrily the man replies, "What!?! Those prices are outrageous!" "I know, but it isn't my fault", responds the owner, "blame it on the pie rates of the Caribbean."
The Rock used to be the best wrestler in the world….
… then along came a wrestler called The Paper
Why is Frances's navy one of the best in the world?
Because they have the power of french-ship
What's the best part about this world, in your opinion?
Personally, I think that the sun is a high light.
Turquoise is the best color in the world.
It's cyantifically proven.
I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it's the best ceiling in the world,
But it's definitely up there.
All of the world’s leading tea producers gathered to brew the best cups of tea. It was a steep competition.
I once collected 10 puns to see which one would qualify as the best pun in the world.
What's the best animal on the world?
There's one place in the world that makes the best milk, the best butter, and the best cheese
I think the best feeling in the world is when someone openly tells you how much you mean to them.
A while ago my wife told me, “you’re mean to me!”
Just wrote a review of the best tasers in the world.
For Mother’s Day, I sent my mom a gift coffee mug that says “From the World’s Best Son.”
I forgot to send it but I think she knows it’s true.
Happy Mother’s Day to all the Mothers!
I have the best circulatory system in the world!
Some say aorta be less vein
I asked my dad how he felt about having the best son in the world.......
He told me to ask my Grandad!
What’s the best place for a crane in the world?
Ukraine
(Courtesy of my 7yr old son)
What do you call the best tasting milk in the world?
Hi dad, what's it like having the best son in the world?
I don't know, ask your grandpa.
Do you know what is, objectively, the best lake in the world?
My son might not be the best roofer in the world
What is the best nation in the world?
Donation. Now give me those upvotes
I thought of that one earlier and you could change the ending to "Now give me those digits" to double as a pick up line
Where’s the best place to end a round-the-world race?
Bet Jay Z loves a 99. (Rest of world buddies, a 99 is the name of the best UK ice cream, not what you're thinking). (UK people, it is the best)
Did you know that Germany produced some of the best animal doctors in the world after WW II?
They were veteran Aryans.
I've made the best cups of tea in the world... What can I say?
If you asked me how I would describe the best cheese in the world....
I'd say it's legend-dairy.
The bible is one of the best-selling books in the world.
You could say it's very prophetable.
Once upon a time a broken sword told me it was the best weapon in the world...
What is the best Christmas present in the world?
A broken drum, you just can’t beat it!
I’ve just been looking at our ceiling, kids, and while I wouldn’t say it’s the best in the world…
It’s definitely up there…
I think the best web designers in the world might be
To everyone who wished a Happy Father’s Day to “the best dad in the world...”
I’m very flattered, but make sure you wish your own dad a happy Father’s Day too.
I’d make an argument for Swiss cheese being the best in the whole world
I’d make an argument for Swiss cheese being the best in the whole world, but it would probably be full of holes
I’ve been looking at the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, and although I’m not sure whether it’s the best in the world...
...It’s definitely up there.
I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world,
but it’s definitely up there.
I wouldn't say my house had the best ceiling in the world...
But it's definitely up there
I asked my dad how it feels to have the best son in the world
He told me to ask my grandpa
I don't have the best ceiling in the world
Ten years ago today, I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
I was just looking at my ceiling. Not sure if it’s the best ceiling in the world,
but it’s definitely up there.
5 years ago today I asked my childhood sweetheart, my best friend, and the most beautiful woman in the world to marry me.
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