The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.
π︎ 583
π
︎ Dec 08 2020
I used to work at a calendar factory
But they fired me for taking a couple of days off
π︎ 70
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
π︎ 86
π
︎ Dec 24 2020
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?
π︎ 61
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
π︎ 163
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
I was at the recruitment agency and the consultant asked me what I thought of voluntary work?
I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!
Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(
[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]
π︎ 34
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...
I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Nov 12 2020
Iβm in charge of the reader board at work
π︎ 4k
π
︎ Jun 30 2020
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, Iβve heard theyβre the healthier alternatives.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.
I walked into a chilly reception.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...
So there were 6 of us...
With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)
There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".
Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"
The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.
Best day of my comedic life
π︎ 12
π
︎ Oct 30 2020
I have a busy morning at work, but had to take a poop...
I ainβt got time for this shit.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
π︎ 86
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
Iβm worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coronerβs office
Itβs a pretty big undertaking
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 29 2020
Old [and lazy] guy at work says, βyou know what work out is best for lazy people?β
βDiddly squatβ. Dead pan serious as he says it too.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 01 2020
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldnβt make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
π︎ 348
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
10 years ago I promised to myself not to touch a drop of drink while I'm at work.
I haven't touched a job since.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
I was a Dad at work the other day
My coworker mentioned he needed to get a quote for 400 mice(Computer mice).
Coworker: "I need to get a quote for these mice."
Me: "I can give you a quote for those mice."
Coworker: "Yeah?"
Me: "Squeak Squeak."
Coworker: *Sigh*
π︎ 692
π
︎ Jul 20 2020
What kind of clothing should a sheriff at work not go anywhere without?
π︎ 2
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
Why was the electrician happy to arrive at his house after work?
Because thereβs no place like ohm.
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
My colleagues at work gave me the nickname βMr. Compromiseβ.
It wasnβt my first choice, but Iβm ok with it.
π︎ 509
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said
Good employees are hard to find nowadays
π︎ 94
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
π︎ 96
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small
It took us a while to work out a proper resolution
π︎ 16
π
︎ Oct 13 2020
Two women at work swap names occasionally
So I guess Sharon is Karen
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 10 2020
How did Samuel win the work talent show at the mobile phone factory?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I ordered the pasta at work today for lunch.
But then I realized I wasn't that hungry, so I boxed it up to take home and eat later.
Because a pennΓ© saved is a pennΓ© earned.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
I work at the mall as Santa Claus during Christmas. I'm wearing the costume for most of the day, but sometimes my colleague takes my place while I take a break
I'm the main Claus and he's my subordinate Claus.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I think I found the βG spotβ at work today..
π︎ 14
π
︎ Sep 03 2020
I just learned how the penny press at the mint works.
It makes cents if you think about it.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
Why are the soviets so quick at doing their work?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is
He told me he "saw orange vented".
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 02 2020
my boss found out I'm high at work
but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said
Youβve just been a-salted
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 23 2020
A lumberjack was at work one day and was just about to start chopping down a tree.
Suddenly the tree spoke βWAIT! Donβt chop me down, Iβm a talking tree!β
The lumberjack chuckled darkly and simply stated βAnd now you will dialogueβ
π︎ 17
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
Why did a dyslectic react to everything at work?
Because it was Causal Friday.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
It's amazing..to use the fridge at my work, you don't even need an appointment!
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jun 28 2020
My wife asked me to give the cat a bath today while she was at work
My tongue is soo sore right now.
π︎ 81
π
︎ Jun 25 2020
I work at a facility focused on helping drugged animals
This duck came in and I swear he was on quack
π︎ 61
π
︎ Jul 12 2020
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
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