The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.
I used to work at a calendar factory
But they fired me for taking a couple of days off
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?
I was at the recruitment agency and the consultant asked me what I thought of voluntary work?
I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
After my wife had a stressful day at work, I drew her bath. She then got mad at me!!
Some people are so ungrateful. I used an entire pencil adding details to it and everything :(
[Just thought of this. I'm pretty happy with myself right now.]
A friend of mine cut his finger off at work...
I suppose he'll be getting severance pay.
I’m in charge of the reader board at work
Pro tip: If you are looking for a cheap way to work out at home, consider using milk jugs as weights.
But be sure to use almond or soy milk, I’ve heard they’re the healthier alternatives.
People weren't happy with me for leaving the front door at work open overnight.
I walked into a chilly reception.
I dropped the perfect terrible pun at work last winter...
So there were 6 of us...
With freezing rain pouring down on us at the end of a long work day, and in the middle of a daunting task- pulling underground cables, linking four transformers together (a task where something goes wrong about 50% of the time)
There is a jet line (pulling line) attached to the head of the cable being ran, and as we are nearing completion I hear my foreman (standing at the endpoint) yell "THE JET LINE IS FRAYING!!!".
Without pause I scream back "I was a FRAYED this would happen!"
The tension on the line ceases, and I look around and see 5 blank expressions just staring back at me.
Best day of my comedic life
I have a busy morning at work, but had to take a poop...
I ain’t got time for this shit.
Feeling ugly? Work at a bee sanctuary and start helping the world! Everyone will think you are beautiful for that
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office
It’s a pretty big undertaking
Old [and lazy] guy at work says, “you know what work out is best for lazy people?”
“Diddly squat”. Dead pan serious as he says it too.
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.
Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.
10 years ago I promised to myself not to touch a drop of drink while I'm at work.
I haven't touched a job since.
I was a Dad at work the other day
My coworker mentioned he needed to get a quote for 400 mice(Computer mice).
Coworker: "I need to get a quote for these mice."
Me: "I can give you a quote for those mice."
Coworker: "Yeah?"
Me: "Squeak Squeak."
Coworker: *Sigh*
What kind of clothing should a sheriff at work not go anywhere without?
Why was the electrician happy to arrive at his house after work?
Because there’s no place like ohm.
My colleagues at work gave me the nickname “Mr. Compromise”.
It wasn’t my first choice, but I’m ok with it.
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.
He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.
My boss was looking for me at work today. When he finally found me he asked where I had been, and I said
Good employees are hard to find nowadays
I was asked to put either an inspirational quote or a joke on the message board at work.
We had a critical issue at work today, the icons on the monitor screen were small
It took us a while to work out a proper resolution
Two women at work swap names occasionally
So I guess Sharon is Karen
How did Samuel win the work talent show at the mobile phone factory?
I ordered the pasta at work today for lunch.
But then I realized I wasn't that hungry, so I boxed it up to take home and eat later.
Because a penné saved is a penné earned.
I work at the mall as Santa Claus during Christmas. I'm wearing the costume for most of the day, but sometimes my colleague takes my place while I take a break
I'm the main Claus and he's my subordinate Claus.
I think I found the “G spot” at work today..
I just learned how the penny press at the mint works.
It makes cents if you think about it.
I'm not happy because I have to work at the museum tonight moving suits of armor.
Why are the soviets so quick at doing their work?
My gaming buddy who works at Walter Reed told that he knows who the impostor is
He told me he "saw orange vented".
my boss found out I'm high at work
but I can't help being 6'1 so he didn't fire me after all
My cell signal always drops when I work the front desk at work and I can't get calls.
I work in a kitchen and my colleague threw a satchet of salt at me and said
You’ve just been a-salted
A lumberjack was at work one day and was just about to start chopping down a tree.
Suddenly the tree spoke ‘WAIT! Don’t chop me down, I’m a talking tree!’
The lumberjack chuckled darkly and simply stated ‘And now you will dialogue’
Why did a dyslectic react to everything at work?
Because it was Causal Friday.
It's amazing..to use the fridge at my work, you don't even need an appointment!
I used to work at a cutlery store, but I quit
I work at a facility focused on helping drugged animals
This duck came in and I swear he was on quack
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?
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