When someone makes a bad pun:

I will pun-ish you.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
No one will listen to White Snake with me

SO here I go again on my own

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wushock4
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
It's pretty obvious, that if you run in front of a moving car, you will get tired. But if you run behind it..

..do you just get exhausted ?

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2021
🚨︎ report
Cars ain't rocket.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in a snow storm?

You look for fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheHibernian
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Rick Astley will let you borrow any DVD from his Pixar collection, except from one

He’s never gonna give you Up

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/resilientiddle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2021
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever be popular?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I have a hunch you will like this joke
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HenkBlok
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
So Will Smith will smith
πŸ‘︎ 102
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
To whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 221
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kevjonesin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Only 90' kids will remember this
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m driving through England, and will be staying in Greenwich tomorrow.

Not sure what to do in the Mean Time.

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I told my suit cases just how There will be no holiday this year

I'm now dealing with emotional baggage

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
The fly fishing tournament will not have spectators this year.

But it will be LIVE STREAMED.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elster000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
🚨︎ report
What will you call it if an immigrant starts arguing with a priest?

Alien Vs Predator

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Esmeralda_i
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A last will and testament is...

A dead giveaway.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2021
🚨︎ report
Brain transplants will never work

You can’t change my mind

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AudenWolfe
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, β€œThis sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”

I said, β€œWhere the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I will never name my child Vince

They shall be invincible

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtilexx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I saw a blind man who said, "One day I will see it all."

Then he sat down with his hammer and saw.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/juksayer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
This support group will help you recharge
πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm worried that the supreme court will lack empathy now that Ginsburg is gone.

Without her they're ruthless.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dudefaceguy_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Wife: Suppose you hit a jackpot of a Million dollars in a lottery and the same day, someone kidnaps me and demands ransom of a million , what will you do?

Husband: I doubt if I can hit two jackpots in one day.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Woodblockprint
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
Scientists have discovered that, on occasion, an octopus will "punch" a fish for no reason other than spite

That's called Toxic Molluskulinity.

πŸ‘︎ 556
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NAtionalniHIlist
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm putting together a book of tried and true recipes, none of which will include thyme as an ingredient.

>!I've decided the title is going to be 'Thymeless Classics'!<.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2021
🚨︎ report
You're damn right it will
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftsamuel_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Aussies will understand
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
If you commit 90 sins, you will only get caught half the time.

Because sin90 = cot45.

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I wrote a will today

I really hope Mr. Smith gets back to me.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/neomachiino
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
If God posts anything on reddit it will definitely die in new...

cause all his worshipers will be devoting that post!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AmosArdnach_6152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter goes to a school that requires a uniform. Occasionally, the administration will reward the children with a free dress day.

For some reason, my daughter never comes home with her free dress...???

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
An actual conversation between my wife and my son yesterday.

My wife has been teaching my son to fold his own laundry but he complains about it everytime. My wife, trying to convince my son, said to him "If you pick up this habit, your future wife will love you very much."

My son replied "I don't want my future wife to love me very much. I want my future wife to help me fold my laundry."

I busted out laughing. But the end result is that now I have to fold my own laundry going forward.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/infinit9
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
"Will those lobsters share their food?"

"No, they're two shellfish."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChangeNew389
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a friend who will even go for a walk with you in the rain to listen to your worries?

A rainbro

(Recommended soundtrack for this joke: Bob Marley: Sun is shining. You’ll see why)

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rasmyn
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I have created living numbers! In fact, one of them is psychic and told me that certain things will continue to happen for a long time.

At least for the four-seeable future.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
🚨︎ report
This pandemic will most likely be remembered as the....

Pack-age.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepOrderDis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Elon musk will be disappointed
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chicluver
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
And the Lord said unto John, β€œCome forth and you will receive eternal life.”

But John came fifth - and won a toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Those who think the COVID-19 vaccine will modify their DNA

Should see it as an opportunity

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wibie90
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
If you have bee hive at your house, and you call a local bee keeper to take them away, the Bee keepers will thank you for the FreeBees.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2021
🚨︎ report
No one will ever make a successful video game about running a coffee shop.

Gamers would never put up with the amount of grinding required.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/overachievingogre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Prediction: There will be a minor Baby Boom in 9 months, and then one day in 2033 we will witness the rise of

The Quaranteens

πŸ‘︎ 27k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tecniklee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Will glass coffins become popular?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 400
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyewacket74
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you catch Will Smith in the snow?

You look for the fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/57r463rry_M4n
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

Follow the fresh prints.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymouspapayaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you track Will Smith in the snow?

Fresh prints

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jackfish270
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
Do you think glass coffins will ever be a thing?

Remains to be seen.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hallsguide
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
🚨︎ report
The salesman at the furniture store told me, "This sofa will seat 5 people without any problem."

I said, "Where the fuck am I going to find 5 people without any problems?"

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2021
🚨︎ report

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