I totally get the rage, I just don't get the Target.
I'd been doing yard and shed work on a hot day and bought some boardshorts/trunks from an op shop (goodwill) on my way home. Joked around with the older ladies at the register. They said I should try them on and give them a parade... As I was walking away I said "... nah, I'm too hot and dirty..."
As the words were still coming out of my mouth I realized what I'd done. I left in a confused haze of embarrassment and achievement. For a brief moment I touched the state of effortless dad joke.
Before today this guy had 22 subscribes. Since being posted on reddit, his subscriber count is much higher. Regardless, his Dad jokes are unparalleled.
"Do you know which president had the strongest stomach muscles? Abs Lincoln."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_owbX2VkcE
Edit: Au, thanks for the gold!
Me: Sanding dry wall putty, as I prep a room to paint
Wife: Walks in and says, “It looks like everything is going smoothly”
Me: “Yeah, but It started off a little rough”
I don't know if I should get an episiotomy or not, I'm torn.
... is still struggling to get off the ground."
My wife comes into the room where I'm changing our first son, and says, "Whats up."
I, busy and slightly frustrated with his wet clothes replied, "Urine trouble."
Afraid that this was indication of her bad mothering she asked, "What did I do?"
Took us a couple minutes to get through that one.
Was working in the medical field today, helping a coworker put in 30ish individually wrapped syringes into a bag. They weren't put in the best orientation and required slight bit of pressure to close fully.
I told him to be careful even though there are caps on the syringes.
He responds: "I see your point."
I notice her underwear has these big seams on each side so I say "Hmm seems like that would be annoying" She starts laughing. I say "What?? I don't get it... oh SEAMS annoying.. ugh". I made my self groan unintentionally.
https://youtu.be/Ri791tauGmU
So me and the girlfriend had date night tonight and at one point prior to the movie she talked about how everything is changing and I should know she is afraid of change. Shortly after the movie as we pull out of the theatre I reach into the handle of the car door and grab a couple coins and toss them at her while she's posting how great the movie was. She gets startled and does a Eep I immediately just go hmm... I guess you are afraid of change and she just sighs in aggravation
A former inmate was signing books at Alcatraz today. He was an inmate there for 15 years. It was later in the day, so I tried to make polite conversation. I asked, "have you been here long?"
He didn't answer...
My roommate is thinking of getting a dog.
"I don't know, they're so much work. It really gives me paws."
I found myself using my eraser and shaking the beers on the table which made a loud annoying sound. So, I picked them up, and put them on the floor, and said "you're grounded"!
I just made a dad joke while doing a dad action. I'm going to make a great dad, so watch out ladies.
A couple weeks ago my husband was complaining about how much work he tends to put off until the last minute. I said, "Weren't you reading that book a few months ago, 'The Procrastination Equation?'"
"I...well...I didn't finish it."
