What would you call a businessman with a face covered in whipped cream?

Occu-pied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2021
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They have milkshakes with whipped cream and cherries at Chick-fil-A, but nothing more elaborate...

Otherwise, they might have to work on sundaes.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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A little something I Whipped up
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
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I invested all my money in a whipped cream factory.

People told me not to. They said that it's a huge whisk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegreger
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Whipped this one out at work

One of my coworkers is a transsexual. He (formerly she) was telling me about some of his struggles.

"I had to go up to the corporate level in order to be able to use the restroom. Some people here were uncomfortable with me using either the mens or women's room when they found out."

"So, what you're telling me is. You had to fight for your right to potty?"

At first he facepalmed and sighed, admittedly I was a little worried I might have offended him... But he did get a chuckle out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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I really whipped tumblr to find this one.
πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VictoriousVacuum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?

...A trifle deaf

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Carrocko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
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What do you call a gun with whipped cream on it?

A dessert eagle

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrCamie
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I grew up in a rough neighbourhood. Kids would jump out and put whipped cream, glacΓ© cherries and chocolate sprinkles on people all the time.

I lived in the gateau.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Quasimodo say while being whipped?

Beats me, but I have a hunch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend whipped this one out on me today.

I've been hardcore PMSing lately, so I made brownies. I messed up the recipe somehow so, rationally, I started crying because I really wanted homemade brownies.

He walks in, hugs me, and says babe, it's okay. You're ovary-acting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flynngravy69
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2015
🚨︎ report
Mom whipped out this gem just now

We're at my Grandma's for Christmas and my uncle who lives with her works today.

Uncle Rob: "Well, I gotta get running." Mom: "A car would be faster."

~ba dum tsssss~

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darbymowell
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2014
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jar of Miracle Whip that’s falling to the bottom of the ocean in early May?

Sinko de Mayo

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Family_Whale
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room.

I just had no idea she was a superhero.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Need some good puns when I whip this bad boy out on the course today. Help me out you geniuses!
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mac-n-treez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I was whipping up some pesto when I realized I was out of an herb to add flavor. Luckily, my son's guitar was handy....

I was able to add some bass-il to my tasty sauce.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
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Once a man assaulted me with milk, cheese and butter

How dairy

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I can't believevits not butter
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bloodywolfeyes
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
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Why did the dinosaur whip Kim Kardashian

Because it wanted to make her bigassasaurass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me to whip us up some dinner to eat during the impeachment coverage.

I told her, "I am not a cook."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/all-base-r-us
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter: it's not healthy to have that much whip cream

Me: just trying to get whipped into shape.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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The Mayonnaise!
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Radish00
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is Cool Whop called Cool Whip?

Because who would buy boring whip.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fallout3boi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A guy has a rough day and stops at Dick’s Place...

...he tells the owner and bartender that he’s a surgeon down at the hospital and he just wants to forget about everything for awhile.

Dick knows just the thing. He quickly whips up a thick, exotic beverage and places it in front of the worn out doctor. He takes one sip and his eyes light up. β€œWhat IS that?” β€œThat’s my signature almond daiquiri”, Dick tells him. The surgeon tells him it’s delicious, pays his bill and comes back the next day and the next day at the same time for the same thing: An almond daiquiri.

Before long, like clockwork, Dick is able to have it ready for him just before he comes in. But, one day as he is preparing the drink, he realizes that he’s run out of almonds! With no time to lose, he quickly substitutes the almonds with hickory nuts and sets the beverage on the bar.

The surgeon pops in, takes a big gulp, and immediately spits it all over the bar. He looks at the bartender and says, β€œThat’s not an almond daiquiri, Dick!” And Dick says, β€œNo, it’s a hickory daiquiri, Doc!”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5YearApril
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Whipping it in the kitchen
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sputnik_Cubicle
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2018
🚨︎ report
When is a chef bad?

When he beats the eggs πŸ₯š and whips the cream.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irishlamb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2021
🚨︎ report
A child was thirsty

So he asked his father for water. The father replied, "Can't you see I'm busy, get it yourself". The child continued to ask his father for water. The father shouted, " If you don't keep quite, I'll come and whip your ass". The child said, " Please bring a cup of water on your way here".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ginks_21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
I was putting the outlet cover back on the wall while my wife was working at the computer with her back to me...

She said β€œwhat are you doing? What is that noise?” I said β€œI’ve been screwing around behind your back.” She whipped around in shock and saw me, screwdriver in hand, screwing in the outlet cover.

I found it way more entertaining then she did.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/arthritictongue
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Cooking always puts my wife in a bad mood...

She beats the eggs and whips the cream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear the rumor about butter?

Well, I'm not going to spread it!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aakshaj
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I was drinking my milkshake on a cliff and thought

Wow this is ledge β€˜n dairy

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
my horse is broken

i watched it whip,then i watched it neigh neigh

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Whip it real good!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spurcell94
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2015
🚨︎ report
My jar of Miracle Whip tasted funny.

LMAYO

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheeseheadDave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
English Teacher whips out sick Dad Joke

We were talking about senior superlatives and one category was most changed since 9th grade.

My friend: I should get that, I've grown 2 feet since 9th grade

Teacher: What did you have before? 2 stumps?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tortankum
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2014
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Pun war! The topic is food. If you have a pun comment it. I hope this will turnip good.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Potato12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2019
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A flasher sees three old ladies on a park bench. He walks up and exposes himself. The first one had a stroke. The second one had a stroke.

The third one couldn’t, her arms were too short.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tupacwolverine
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The platypus and echidna both lay eggs and produce milk

Making them the only animals on the planet capable of whipping their own custard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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My Reddit account has been hacked. If anyone gets a message from me about meat

Just ignore it, it’s spam.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomocusack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a horse

I bought a horse and called it mayo because mayo neighs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ezeei
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2017
🚨︎ report
I heard that Rick Astley will lend you any title from his collection of Pixar movies except one

He's never gonna give you "Up"

Courtesy of my dad, of course

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adambuccowich
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2016
🚨︎ report
When are Cooks mean?

When they beat the eggs and whip the cream.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My Dad's worst (and coincidentally most-often-told) joke. I miss him.

When I was in the Navy, I was on the deck of a destroyer one day, and I saw a the periscope of an enemy submarine surface nearby. So, quick as a flash, I whipped off my hat and dropped it over the periscope. As the periscope was covered, the submarine didn't realise it had reached the surface, so it kept rising... and when it got to 10,000 feet, we shot it down with the anti-aircraft guns.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmilytheDodo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2015
🚨︎ report
The police stormed a kindergarten today.

A kid resisted a rest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I've just found some whips, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room....

Absolutely had no idea she was a superhero !!!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
I've just found a whip, mask and some handcuffs in my sisters room...

Had no idea she was a superhero.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
If you don't like cool whip.

You're not cool whip me!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wobslobs
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report

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