My friend keeps saying “cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water”
I know he means well.
(Since my last well-joke did well (pun intended) I thought this would be a nice follow-up)
Why did the blind guy fall into the well?
Because he didn't see that well.
What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?
A century ago, two brothers insisted that it was possible to fly ...
... and as you can see, they were Wright
Lance is an uncommon name nowdays
But in mediaeval times people were called lance a lot
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
I was on a diabetes awareness website and it asked me if I accept cookies...
Is this a trick question?
Well.. We made another trip around the sun.
But it's the earth's rotation that really makes my day.
Keep cows well hydrated
Otherwise, they turn into real jerkies.
Our dog has been a little under the weather so we took him in for a checkup. The vet picked him up, studied him for a bit, sighed and said, "I'm really sorry, but I'm gonna have to put him down." Tears welling in my eyes I sputtered, "Why!? What's wrong with him?"
The vet replied, "Nothing major, he's just really heavy!"
Well I walked right into that one didn't I
At the office barbecue, I grilled some rare steak for our boss, and he said, “I like it well done.”
I said, “Thanks. That means a lot.”
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:
Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.
My wife asked me if I'd seen the dog bowl
...I said I didn't even know he could play cricket.
Edit: Americans; replace 'cricket' with '10 Pin Bowling 🎳 '
Thank you for the awards
Eight days in and this year looks like it might be as bad as last year. Possibly even worse. If it does turn out worse, well, you know what they say...
Did you think 2020’s done with you? Well you’re wrong!
Because next year is 2022
Why do Canadian geese go well with mashed potatoes?
Because they make nice gray-V's.
Well I mean I would be mad...
Well, it's that time on New Year's Eve. I'll see you all...
Kids want to know why I named my new guinea pig Moresby, well..
Because it’s papa’s new guinea
When you're driving but can't see that well...
Pretty much the first dad joke I've ever seen that requires a video punchline.
https://i.imgur.com/pfZya7P.gifv
Originally posted to /r/IdiotsInCars/ by /u/My_Memes_Will_Cure_U
Me: So, what do you do for a living? Ornithologist: Well, I’m an ornithologist.
Me: Oh, really? Knock, knock!
Ornithologist: Who’s there?
Me: Woodpeckers.
Ornithologist: Woodpeckers who?
Me: No, that’s the owl. And you call yourself an ornithologist?
well, you know what they say... when life gives you melons...
You’re probably dislexic.
What do you call a guy who fell into a well?
Well, I decked the Halls today...
They kept coming over singing those damn Christmas carols. Bah humbug!
People keep telling me to use my energy well...
Does anyone know where I can get a mana pool?
We live in Colorado and took my son outside today to play hide and seek for the first time. I pointed at the Rockies, looked him dead in the eye and said, "Under no circumstances can we allow them to play!" Confused, he ask why, so I explained, "Well, you see...
What’s the difference between a well dressed man and a tired out dog?
One wears a suit and the other just pants.
The orange juice industry is not doing very well.
Tomorrow they will give a special press release.
What do you call a well educated Englishman napping?
Apple just announced their new electric vehicle, the iCar, coming in 2024. Rumor is they’re working on a self driving boat as well.
They’re going to call it the iAye
What's the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a tricycle?
Why did the partially blind man fall into a well?
Because he could not see that well.
Why did the farmer fall in the well?
Because he didn’t see that well.
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle, and a poorly-dressed man on a unicycle?
Why did the old man fall in the well
He couldn’t see that well
Why did the blind man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well
What’s the difference between a well dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Why did the blind man fall in the well?
Because he couldn’t see that well
Why did the blind guy fall into the well?
Because he didn't see that well!
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