Scientists recently uncovered evidence of a dinosaur that loved to lift weights.

They've decided to call it hella sore.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tutor78
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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What do you call a cow that lifts weights?

A BUFFalo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeatherPainter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
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I would lift weights...

But they're just too damn heavy!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chuckyocouch_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
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What do you call Jack-O-Lantern cousins who lift weights together?

Pump Kins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/2donutkid2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
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I heard a rumor that you lift weights only on Saturday and Sunday because Monday to Friday are weak days.
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
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I’ll tell you why I don’t lift weights.

Every time I lift, I wait.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mustachereviews
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2017
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Why are goulash not good at weight lifting?

Because they aren't stroganoff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/znipershot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I started going to the gym in my tuxedo, everything went well except the weight lifting...

Is not my strong suit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/walkingnottoofast
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Why does Mike tyson turn into a superhero after lifting weights?

He's thor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashindabank
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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What did the Norse god of thunder say after biting his tongue during an intense weight-lifting session?

Man, I'm thor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jfshay
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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How did the Norse god know when it was time to stop lifting weights?

He was Thor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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We got sent extra bumper plates for weight lifting.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2020
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There will probably be a surge in weight lifting related injuries since all the gyms have closed.

Everyone will try to pick up where they left off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrMatt88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
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My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.

That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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What do you call a picture of a weight-lifting woman in a locket?

A strong independent woman.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/r_plantae
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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Before I had weights, I used to work out by lifting cases of Coke.

I had to stop, because it was soda pressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mortambulist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.

He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Effect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do u tell someone when u want them to stop while lifting weights?

Weight a second

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CypherSky
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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What would you have after lifting weights for 200 years?

A biceptennial.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPalancik
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2018
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Our dog died yesterday. While lifting him up, dad says he's like dead weight

and my sister laughs, and she keeps saying she doesn't know why she laughed, we were all crying before this and after too.

RIP Puddles :(

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xThomas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2018
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Instead of using weights, I've started lifting with cases of Coca-Cola...

It's soda pressing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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After years of worrying about my health, I made it to the gym today.

It feels like a weight’s been lifted from my chest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/attentyv
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Asked My Date To Meet Me At The Gym, But She Never Showed Up...

Guess the two of us aren’t going to work out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hana-Chi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2019
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I finally got a haircut today, after months, because of lockdown

It feels like a huge weight has been lifted off my mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MentalMemes201
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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For sale
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farm_sauce
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2017
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Finally done some exercise

feels like a weight's been lifted

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πŸ‘€︎ u/invertedparadoxxx
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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fatty

me: you know I weight-lift in the morning?

dad: what, by getting out of bed?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evianwasser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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I finally told my wife about my dreams of becoming a bodybuilder

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wawoodworth
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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I saw a woman squatting behind her car on the roadside the other day, and I thought to myself...

That’s a funny place to lift weights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2018
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Finally, after all these years, I went back to the gym.

I feel like a weight has been lifted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GaryGump
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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We’re having a boy!

My pregnant wife and I are on vacation and we just took a dip in the pool. She remarked at the relief she felt as the weight of the baby was lifted when she got in the water. I told her, β€œNow I know what we’re having, that’s boy-ancy!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kangaroo_Quart
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
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why did the impatient teenager lift little barbells lots of times?

why did the impatient teenager lift little barbells lots of times? not a fan of cooldown, he didn't like the weight.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/necrotechnical
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
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Got my dad at the golf course today

Me: "You know, if I could hit it consistently in a straight line, lifting weights would really be...working out for me"

Him: "..."

He thought it was dumb and so should you

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πŸ‘€︎ u/freezepop28
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2015
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Girlfriends Grandpa is the dad joke king.

Little sister: "I had to water the kool-aid down, it was really strong."

Grandpa: "Oh, was it running, or lifting weights?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qcieslinski
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2014
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FWD: Fwd: FWD FWD: Fwd: Emails from Dad

MAN LAWS

The International Rules of Manhood

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her blouse.

(c) After wrecking your boss' car.

(d) When she is using her teeth.

3: Any Man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies.

4: Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours.

5: If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her.

6: Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7: No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. In fact, even remembering your buddy's birthday is strictly optional. At that point, you must celebrate at a strip bar of the birthday boy's choice.

8: On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9: When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10: You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have brought her to climax. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend.

11: It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach... and it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12: Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the nuts.

13: Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14: Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15: If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16: Women who claim they "love to watch sports" must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers.

17: A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight.

18: Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy.

19: If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer.

20: Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CampConcentration
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2014
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