This takes "Puff Puff Pass" to a whole new level! And that's my effort a t a weak pun...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hootanahalf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that newborns have weak necks and need to have their heads supported?

Just a heads up.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswitt
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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This helps weed out the weak.
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chocolaterush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My teacher gave me some weak paper the other day

It was tearable

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealSamHawkins
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you call a weak hurricane?

Hurrican't

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farquaadschin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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My cousin got seriously beaten in school. He was really weak, so he started training karate.

Now he is beaten at school and karate.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Felipe_Silva_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a gallon of milk’s weak spot?

The jugular

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tgborst
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
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My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.

He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Karma-Effect
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Ghandi spent a lot of time walking through the desert, so his feet hurt and he was always thirsty and weak. It's also very hard to brush your teeth in the desert.

He was a super calloused fragile mystic with extra halitosis.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.

I've just handed in my too weak notice.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday. The other days are week days.

πŸ‘︎ 288
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cosh1990
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy goes for a drive and his car stalls...

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, β€œThank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

β€œThank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

πŸ‘︎ 990
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the secret to being Santa Claus?

You either have the gift or you don't.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
7 days without a pun

makes one weak.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmandawgfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone remember the joke I posted about the chiropractor?

It was about a weak back.

πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Atleast it made Sophie's day.
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bunch of Serengeti herbivores that no longer allowed lions to attack them unless a weak member needed removed?

Good gnus!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
🚨︎ report
It went from tri-weekly to try weakly.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I was asked at an interview what my weakness is

I replied "I'm too honest"
The interviewer said "I don't consider honesty a weakness"
I said "I don't give a fuck what you think"

πŸ‘︎ 353
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Laughinboy29
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Called the vets this morning...

Me: "Hello, I need to make an appointment for my pet Ostrich."

Vet: "Ok what's the problem?"

Me: "He's holding his head to one side."

Vet: "Hmm, maybe neck's weak?"

Me: "Haven't you got anything sooner?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a joke for people with weak memory.

Nvm I can't remember but it was too funny!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/14yoNibba
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Pretty weak connection.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/secretlymas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
How do your weak passwords feel

Insecure

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HaasBeen3
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know that Gandhi never wore shoes? And due to his fasting he was very weak and had awful breath?

He was a super-fragile-calloused-mystic-hexed-by-halitosis

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uchi_mata18
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why Saturday and Sunday are considered strong days?

Because the rest are weak days.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy working in the factory was told he was not strong enough to do the job

He decided to quit by handing in his too weak notice

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clutchdeve
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
An unemployed engineer opens a clinic..

An engineer who was unemployed for a long time decided to open a medical clinic. He puts a sign outside the clinic: "A cure for your ailment guaranteed at $500; we'll pay you $1,000 if we fail."

A Doctor thinks this is a good opportunity to earn $1,000 and goes to his clinic.

Doctor: "I have lost my sense of taste."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "This is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your taste back. That will be $500."

The Doctor gets annoyed and goes back after a couple of days later to recover his money.

Doctor: "I have lost my memory, I cannot remember anything."

Engineer: "Nurse, please bring the medicine from box 22 and put 3 drops in the patient's mouth."

Doctor: "But that is Gasoline!"

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your memory back. That will be $500."

The Doctor leaves angrily and comes back after several days, more determined than ever to make his money back.

Doctor: "My eyesight has become weak."

Engineer: "Well, I don't have any medicine for this. Take this $1,000," passing the doctor a $500 note.

Doctor: "But this is $500..."

Engineer: "Congratulations! You've got your vision back! That will be $500."

πŸ‘︎ 391
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tonheatz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: Eminem has just become the first celebrity to be diagnosed with Coronavirus..

In a statement released by doctors, it has been revealed that his palms were sweaty, knees weak and arms were heavy.. He presented with vomit on his sweater already.. Initial testing has revealed it was mums spaghetti

πŸ‘︎ 22k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlySupaFly
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a joke about weak phone signal...

But it would get a bad reception

πŸ‘︎ 334
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BD8D
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2017
🚨︎ report
i told superman a kryptonite joke

lets just say it had him weak

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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"This giant carrot made my day but it made my coworker’s hole weak."
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BanAllPineapples
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no Vampire stories that take place in Africa?

I thought about this for awhile, then it hit me that Vampires are weak to holy water. The rains are blessed down in Africa.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainB_MANN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My greatest weakness is being vague. Could I elaborate?

Yeah

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dottree
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
🚨︎ report
If you see a pretty woman and your hands start to shake, you become weak in the knees, and you develop a warm feeling in your chest...

Go to bed. You've got the flu.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a weak son?

Yakov Dzhugashvili

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josephstalin1944
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Does seven days without exercise make one weak?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jashbrown
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Seven days without a pun makes on weak
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SidSidderSiddest
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œDoc, I feel dizzy, I have a headache, and I feel weak.”

Doctor: Flu?

Me: No, I took the bus.

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
🚨︎ report
Why was horse declared as innocent by the judge?

Because he de-neigh-ed everything.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ViShAl2212
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
If You Punch Yourself and It Hurts, Are You Weak or Are You Strong?
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hour4masterpiece
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know that in the last stages of a Terminator's lifetime it becomes so weak that it is only capable of killing small animals?

At that point it is fired and becomes an ex-Terminator.

πŸ‘︎ 139
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πŸ‘€︎ u/muriken_egel
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I’m not big enough or strong enough

I’ve just handed in my Too weak notice.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lord_Aarsh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor?

It was about a weak back...

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kgangadhar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone remember the joke I made about the Chiropractor?

It was about a weak back...

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BillyBob_TX
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Do you know why Saturday and Sunday are considered strong days?

Because the rest are weak days.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/araitisaname
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer and I don't think I'm quite fit enough for the job.

Therefore I've handed in my 'Too Weak Notice'

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What are the strongest days of the week?

Saturday and Sunday...the rest are weekdays.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report

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