Did you know that Gimli is related to Chad Warden?

His cousin be Balin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DesertWolf45
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
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When my wife complained I was taking too long to paint the living room I told her she was worse than the warden in Shawshank.

She said β€œwell just paint it, Red”.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2020
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A warden implemented a policy to only allow medical assistance to inmates that previously cooperated

They called it "Snitches get stitches"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherHoboBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
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Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?

The idea had its pros and cons.

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2019
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"Just take the prisoners below." the warden condescended.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timoth3y
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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Why did the warden give laundry soap to departing prisoners?

As a detergent against future grime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johngreenink
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2018
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A man walks into prison and is greeted by the warden.

"So you're the new imitate, huh?" "Don't you mean inmate?" "Wah, wah, don't you mean inmate wah wah"

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2017
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Laughing at the Law

A game warden caught a man fishing without a licence "You're going to have to pay a big fine for all those fish in your bucket," said the warden.

"But officer," the fisherman replied, "I didn't catch these - they are my pet fish and I just bring them here to swim. When they're done, they jump back in the bucket."

"Oh, really? This i've got to see. If you can prove it, i'll let you go without a fine."

The fisherman emptied the bucket into the lake and waited patiently. A few minutes went by and nothing happened.

"So where are the fish?" asked the warden.

"What fish?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LoganWren
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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A midget escaped from prison by using bed sheets tied together and scaled down the outside wall. He left a note detailing his escape plan, highlighting the prison guards stupidity and incompetence.

The Warden said "he's a little condescending"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnblu5
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
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Prisoner Escaped

Guard: Inmate #2276 escaped sir!

Warden: WHAT! How long ago?

Guard: There was a random search last night at 8:30, so figure he's been on the lamb for about 8 hours.

Warden: Oh thank God, what a relief.

Guard: How so sir? That's a hell of a long time to be missing.

Warden: Yes, but imagine how far he'd be if he was on the horse.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Billy_Bayou
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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Several years ago, Andy was sentenced to prison. During his stay, he got along well with the guards and all his fellow inmates…

The warden saw that deep down, Andy was a good person and made arrangements for Andy to learn a trade while doing his time.

After three years, Andy was recognized as one of the best carpenters in the local area.

Often he would be given a weekend pass to do odd jobs for the citizens of the community and he always reported back to prison before Sunday night was over.

The warden was thinking of remodeling his kitchen and in fact had done much of the work himself.

But he lacked the skills to build a set of kitchen cupboards and a large counter top, which he had promised his wife.

So he called Andy into his office and asked him to complete the job for him.

But, alas, Andy refused.

He told the warden, "Gosh, I'd really like to help you but counter fitting is what got me into prison in the first place."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2018
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There once was a man.....

There once was a man who had a job driving a passenger train between two large towns. It could be a very dull job to some, but as the old saying goes, one man's trash is another's gold; he wanted to be a railroad man since he was a boy.

He was a wiz behind the controls of the train, and commanded the 15 car vehicle effortlessly as if he had been born to do the job. He prided himself on the fact that he could bend the rules and speed through curves and grades that made other motormen shiver and back off.

One day however, he wasn't so lucky and came round a bend too fast and derailed his train. He backed off the throttle and braked as much as he could, managing to only have one fatality out of 500 passengers on his train.

Months later there was a trial and he was found guilty of manslaughter in the highest degree, a capital offence in that land, and sentenced to die by electric chair. Punishment came swift, unlike most places, and 3 days after sentencing the former railroader was asked for his last meal.

"I'll have a banana," "Just a single banana?" said the perplexed guard. "The warden will grant you a feast and all you want is that?"

"Just a single banana." he said.

After he downed the fruit, he was strapped into the electric chair an hour later.... The warden hit the switch, lights flickered, and the crackle of electricity could be heard for over a minute...

...but our train jockey instead rose from the chair looking more like he got a stiff massage, rather than be put to death! Well in that nation, the law of the land states that if a man somehow survives being put to death, they must be set free...

...And so it came to pass that our engineer was let go...

And for whatever reason, he got his job back!

So he was back railroading again doing the job that he loved. You'd think he'd have been more cautious with this second chance he'd been given, but you'd also be wrong. Speedy Gonzales with a train license decided to gun his locomotive to hard and send it off the tracks again!

Of course, this time he was tried for the same crime, but at a different time (his was a fair commonwealth and double indemnity was simply unheard of!) So fair was their nation, that the jury came up with the same judgement and punishment. So three days later, when asked for his last meal, the engineer simply said "I'll have 2 bananas..."

Not less than 60 minutes after consuming the last morsel was he strapped into the chair and the switch thrown... And....


... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/onmugen
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2016
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My Grandad dropped this one at dinner...

An Official is inspecting a lunatic asylum to find one inmate to be released for the Asylum's anniversary, after several hours of visiting the numerous wards he enters one where he finds a man sitting on his bed carving a wooden block. He approaches the man and asks him what he was carving, the man on the bed replies that he carves wooden clothes pegs, and that each day he makes around 5. "Well that certainly is impressive" the inspector tells the man, "I think I shall recommend you to the warden for release." The inspector then notices a man hanging from the ceiling, "What is he doing up there?" he again questions the man on the bed. "Oh, he thinks he's a light bulb!" The man on the bed replies, "Well, shouldn't we get him down?" the Inspector asks, shocked, "Don't be daft!", remarks the Man on the bed, "I can't work in the dark!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperCraften
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2013
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