A list of puns related to "Waddles"
“Pop,” goes the weasel.
“Sir! What kind of a duck do you think I am?!”
The bartender asks,"What will it be mr. Seal?"
He replies,"Anything but a Canadian Club!"
He orders two pints of lager, a shot of whiskey and a packet of salted cashews. The bartender says, “And how will you be paying for all this?” The Pink-Backed Pelican ruffles his feathers and replies, “Put it on my bill.”
Sells candy/drinks and….snacks
Everybirdy conQUACKulated him.
The bill would be astronomical.
A duck walks into a bar and asks the bartender "Do you have bread?" "No", says bartender and duck walks out. Next day the duck walks back into the bar and asks "Do you have bread?" "No" says bartender, looking a bit puzzled and the duck walks out. The next day the duck is back, and asks "Do you have bread?" "No, and if you come here to ask for bread again I'll nail your flippers to the floor! This is a bar not a bakery!" the bartender yells, visibly annoyed by the duck. The duck walks out. The next day the duck is back, and asks: "Do you have nails?" "No" answers bartender. "Well, do you have bread?"
It was a tie
Sure, it tastes great, but I just can't swallow the huge bill.
A married couple were sitting at a bar, when all of a sudden another married couple shows up. The second couple asks the other if they had a lighter. The first couple pulls out a a giant Bic lighter. The wife in the second couple says "that's the biggest lighter I've ever seen, where did you get it?" The other wife says "I got it from a genie". the wife who asked about the lighter says "come on now, are you kidding me?" No, I have the genie with me, you can have a wish too? The Wife 1 pulls out a lamp and tells wife 2 to rub it. Wife 2 rubs the lamp and the genie comes out and asks Wife 2 for a wish. Wife 2 says "I wish for 1 million bucks" then suddenly 1 million ducks are waddling around in the bar" Wife 2 says "I wished for million bucks, not a million ducks" Wife 1 said "Yeah, I should have told you that the genie was hard of hearing., You actually think that I wished my husband would have a bigger bic?"
Apparently there was a quack doctor on the loose, and he seemed to fit the bill. He'd been ducking the police, so he's in waddle trouble. To top it off he's been selling quack on the side.
The lard ash was everywhere!
Duck billed Platypus
He said just put it on my bill.
The Englishman pushes his drink back and asks for a new one, the Irishman just takes the fly out and flicks it over his shoulder, resuming to drink his drink, meanwhile the Scotsman was tapping the back of the fly, screaming “SPIT IT OUT YA WEE BASTARD”
Put it on my bill
I said, "Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems from?"
Turns out they're all quacks.
My coworkers are doing a little trick or treat between all of us, and I want to get everyone Halloween themed rubber duckies and write puns on them, so far I’ve come up with- “you’re ducking awesome”, “you quack me up”, “waddle I do without you” aaaaand that’s about it so far, but I want atleast a few more, pls help
Barkeep says"Waddle it be?"
Duck says "I'm down with whatever you're serving"
The goose said, in a posh English accent, "Your very way of life is under attack. Vote against Proposition B." Then he waddled away.
My wife looked at me, but I just shook my head. "Don't listen to him. That's just Proper Gander."
A moment later her butler, Waddle, walks into the bathroom and hands her a bottle of water.
The Queen is shocked. 'How dare you walk in here while I am having a bath?!' she rages.
'I apologise ma'am,' says the butler, 'but I could have sworn I heard you say "what about a water bottle Waddle'
A man with a sack walks into a bar. He orders his first drink. The bartender asks, “What’s in that sack?” The man replies. It’s nothing, don’t worry about it. Later in the night, the man orders another drink. The bartender asks again, “What’s in the sack?” The man again replies, “It’s nothing worth seeing, don’t worry.” Later, the man comes up for his third drink. The bartender says, “Look, if you show me whats in that sack, I’ll give you a free drink. Whatever you want.” The man thinks for a moment, and opens the sack. He pulls out a tiny man, and a tiny piano. The tiny man starts playing the tiny piano. The bartender, surprised, asks, “Wow! Where’d you get this guy?” The man pulls out a magic lamp from the sack. “This thing. It can grant any wish. But the wish won’t be 100% accurate.” The bartender asks, “Can I try it out?” The man gives the magic lamp to the bartender. “I wish I had 100 bucks.” A few seconds later, 100 ducks waddle into the bar. The bartender says, “You’re right. This thing isnt very accurate” The man says, “I know. did you really think I wished for a 12 inch pianist?”
He hopped out, waddled over, and signalled me to wind down my window.
As the window came down, red in the face he yelled “I AM NOT HAPPY!”
To which I replied, “Well which one are you then?”
I guess you could say obesity waddles in our family
Almost 10 years ago now when my daughter’s mom was pregnant with her—waddling miserably towards the tail-end of her third trimester and about ready to pop—she looked forlornly at her figure in the mirror one day and announced, “Omigod I’m as big as a house!”
And so I, the Rico Suave motherfucker that I am, popped my head up from the book I was reading on the bed and responded thusly without missing a beat:
“Well, baby girl, if you’re a house then you’re my dream home...”
I thought our relationship was my rock on which we would build one hundred stories, but there were termites in the foundation. Unfortunately she ultimately turned out to be a mobile home that couldn’t stay tethered to a single lot for more than a few years at a time as, a short time later, she up-and-skedaddled from our lives and has been a deadbeat mom to our little girl ever since. (My daughter and I built a beautiful, cozy little bungalow-for-two anyways.)
Anyway, does that qualify as a pun, or just an extended metaphor? If not, sorry, I just always thought that was a good line and I wanted to humble-brag a bit.
A pirate goes into a bar, with a ship's wheel (the kind that changes the direction of the rudder) sticking out of his pants. He awkwardly waddles up to the bartender and asks for a drink. The bartender pours the pirate a drink remarks that the wheel looks very uncomfortable. The pirate replies, "Yarr, it's steering me balls!"
Yes, that was the punchline. Every single time.
Barber says, “Waddle it, B.”
My friend had a really interesting job. One of those jobs you didn't know people could get.
tl;dr just read it, it's worth reading the whole description of the job
Before I moved, my neighbor's job was based in Antarctica. He worked with one of the research centers there, and his job was standing up penguins. I kid you not — when shipments arrived by air, like by helicopter or by airplane or whatever, the penguins would all look up with their tiny heads and look up so high they would fall over backwards. Now, penguins are super awkward in how they waddle everywhere, and so, not wanting to disturb the local environment, the research station had to have someone that could suit up and go out there and stand up penguins.
As soon as every shipment arrived, he would say, "Welp, better go suit up now," get into the whole penguin suit, and waddle out there all incognito and stand the penguins on their feet again. I'm sure they could have done it on their own, eventually, but the idea was to disturb the animals for as little time as possible.
I thought it was the most ridiculous thing when he told me, but he got the job through his dad's researcher colleague. Basically, the deal was they would get people to go down for 3-month periods (I think he ended up doing 6 months) and this was his occupation for that time. Actually, is plane flight there was one of the really cool parts: LA went to Sydney, which then went back across the Pacific to Buenos Aires. Then, on the final leg, he would finally go Buenos Aires to the research station. The planes actually had to be specially fitted for the job, though — Of course, you can't have typical runways in Antarctica because they'd get ice all over them and there'd be all these problems — so the planes had to have mechanics on board each flight who would, mid-flight, switch out the take-off wheels for the landing skis. Just like a sea plane, except it was a snow-plane. Coolest thing ever.
Oh, but the way he described working with the penguins was the best! Most of the time he'd just go out and stand them up, but sometimes one would hurt itself. Like one time one of them fell over backwards and hit its foot the wrong way, so he had to not only pick it up, but give medical help, too. He seriously had to prop up the penguin, take off his glove, and pull on each of the penguins little webbed toes, pull on their legs. Sort of like how I'm pulling your leg right now.
The barman goes, "Waddle it be?"
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