I’ve just been charged for using sandpaper to kill my victim.
I only wanted to rough him up a bit.
How did a car crash victim get rid of his anger issues?
He was temper errorly disabled
Police are investigating a murder in which the victim was shot with a starters pistol.
The police think it's race-related.
What Sith Lord immobilizes his victims instead of killing them?
Darth Ritis.
Edit: The Sith Lord of politeness, Darth anksalot.
Why was the eye doctor called for the comatose gunshot victim?
Why did the Cannibal cut up his victims with an icicle?
He preferred cold cuts on his sandwiches.
Officer: The victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar of antlers
Detective: Dear god
Officer: Yes most likely
Authorities are searching for a four-foot tall woman who recently escaped from prison in upstate New York. She was serving a five year sentence for fraud after convincing a number of victims that she was a powerful psychic.
Now she's a small medium at large.
I have one question for victims of ninjas...
When I was at school I had it tough. Other kids would throw lumps of gold at me.
I was a victim of bullion.
Coffee is the silent victim in our house...
The Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial cooker.
Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
Many French guillotine victims had their heads
Where do you take someone who has been the victim of a Peek-a-boo accident?
Wouldn't be surprised to learn Elon Musk to leads a mercenary team of tesla employees who bite victims to spread coronavirus
They are called the Flu Flux Fang!
The victim of accident hasn't got good...
"There's a 60% chance the killer shot the victim from this spot right here and a 40% chance he shot from over there", said the detective.
"This concludes my probaballistic report."
[NSFWish] Did you hear about the new eyelid replacement surgery for burn victims?
They use foreskin to replace them. Only side-effect is coming out a little cockeyed.
Why did the cannibalistic Roman slave warrior show no remorse over his recent female victim?
Because he was gladiator.
Did you hear about the psychopath who put cyanide in his victim's cornflakes?
They said he was a cereal killer
What did the chicken nugget thief say to his victim?
Nothing, he just took the nugget and dipped.
My 17yo niece fell victim to my 32yo dad/uncle humor.
So my mom, my oldest sister, and her daughter where at mine and my wife’s house for the weekend.
After having all the lights out so my wife and niece could play with a Ouija board, my niece wanted to make a cup of hot cocoa in the kitchen but she could find the light switch. The following exchange occurred...
Niece: Where is the light in the kitchen?
Me: On the ceiling.
Niece: Ok, but how do you turn it on?
Me: With a light switch.
Niece: Where is the light switch?
Me: On the wall.
Niece: Which wall?
Me: The one with the switch.
She’s a good sport tho. We where laughing, she was grinning but definitely done with my uncle shit.
Heard about the Librarian who fell victim to falling bookshelves?
Vampires need to stop turning their victims at such a young age.
Help end Premature Draculation.
A murderer who had poisoned his victims with iron supplements eventually and inadvertantly poisoned himself.
When he realized his mistake, he immediately called the police and confessed to all of the killings before laying down upon his death bed awaiting his own end, the same end that he had inflicted upon so many others. News media quickly came to the hospital and the killer was eventually asked two questions by two seperate reporters, one question following the other so quickly that he could not respond to the first before hearing the second. The first reporter asked, "How did the coffee taste that tipped you off into realizing you had poisoned yourself?" Where the second reporter blurted out, "How would you describe this situation where you have killed yourself by the very means you used to kill others?"
The murderous man only responded once before breathing his last breath:
"Irony," he replied.
The cops are warning us about a serial killer who strangles his victims using smaller and smaller T-shirts.
The police are saying that he’s still at large.
What unit of measurement does a serial killer use to weigh its victims ?
"We don't need a fishy super hero!" The land locked victims exclaimed.
I'm reading a book about a sadistic evil man who attaches ridges from boat hulls to his victims...
Have you heard of the underwater google bandit?
They can’t find him because victims are only giving vague descriptions.
What do you get when you cross a policeman with a skunk ?
When telling dad jokes/puns, do you prefer your victims to laugh or groan?
I personally prefer horrible puns that make the listener regret being born with ears. But thats just me.
Apparently, I’ve been using counterfeit electricity at home.
I’m a victim of electron fraud!
Why do vampires suck blood from their victim’s jugular?
Because they are neck romantic.
Why did the burglar shower at his victim’s home
He wanted a clean getaway
Just found a victim of hit and run in a parking lot. Crime is unbearable.
How did the ant serial killer cleanly dispose of his victim’s bodies?
He dissolved them in antacid.
Ba-dum… tsss!
What did the vampire say to the victim?
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