He took one look and said, "You could've been a bit straighter."
Am I right?
Just had my first child earlier this week and so grateful for this sub. I've been using it for weeks to get ready for the big show. Keep the jokes coming, I need to up my game now that I'm in the majors with you other dads!!!
They hit their heads at the edge.
A brick.
Because they are veteran Aryans.
We're at the car rental place and they tell us it's going to be an hour long wait because they are short handed on people to wash the cars.
My dad says, "Why would you hire people with short hands to wash cars?"
There must have been a dozen or more crows gathered around a piece of pizza on the ground.
Because unlike the circle, the cone actually has a valid point.
Nein.
Discus.
Me: 0Mg
It chew chews it!?
Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.
Guy was like, "Left side parallel, way to go."
I work in logistics and occasionally get great excuses for why truckers are late to deliver. Today a guy called in an explained he hit an alligator and blew out some tires. My buddy's response: "Sounds like he had a rare run in with the You'll Be Later Alligator. Unless it was actually an It'll Be Awhile Crocodile."
They're all valid trans actions
I chose "new" but they're all reposts... should be "knew" instead
They donβt like to work for peanuts.
"I like your new Jeep, but it's broken." I look at him confused. "It's in the parking lot pointing west. Shouldn't Compasses always point north?"
The Crimea River
Me: What time are you going to be home tonight?
Wife: Ten-ish.
Me: Okay. And what sport does Sean Connery like to play at the country club?
Wife: Ugh.
I really need the validation.
So for background, I work at McDonald's. I have to scan every Euro Bill 50 β¬ and up.
So one day a dad comes in with his two little daughters. He places his order and hands me a 50 β¬ bill. I scan it and scan it again and the machine won't recognize its validity, when the dad says:'That's odd, I JUST changed my printer's toner' Daughters facepalm other dads in line nod
I told them it was called hop moskido.
This actually happened. Nobody laughed and no one I've told it to since has laughed. I think it's really funny and I need some validation. Help
Well to be perfectly honest, in my humble opinion, of course without offending anyone who thinks differently from my point of view, but also by looking into this matter in a different perspective and without being condemning of one's view's and by trying to make it objectified, and by considering each and every one's valid opinion, I honestly believe that I completely forgot what I was going to say.
I have to go to the doctor for tests later and it's required that i drink 5 million gallons of water beforehand.
Dad: "Have you been drinking?"
Me: "I've been trying, but it's pretty difficult without a valid ID."
I went grocery shopping, and picked up some shampoo and conditioner. At checkout, the cashier hands me a coupon with my receipt.
>Cashier: "Oh hey, that coupon's valid for the same shampoo you just bought."
>Me: "Cool, I guess I better hairy up and finish these, then!"
>Cashier: β¦
Anyway, I'm banned from that grocery store now.
One dude got it, thus validating what I was doing.
Am I right?
Am I right ?
Am I right?
