I planted some trees in my neighbor's yard to say Sorry for upsetting her.
I hope she accepts my apolotrees.
Patches of land are the only thing I find upsetting
it takes a lot to offend me
With all the upsetting news in the world today, here's something to cheer you up.
My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
My wife's an artist so I tried to impress her by painting her picture but she just got really upset
I guess she liked how it looked originally.
Why was the man not bothered or upset that someone had stolen all his dried grapes?
He had no raisons to be...
Did you hear about the chemistry teacher who became upset?
Apparently he told a dad joke in class and it got no reaction.
My wife is really upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Why was the pregnant apple so upset?
Because her boyfriend, the banana, split.
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
Captain Hook was upset about the cost of his ear piercings.
But it was only a buck an ear.
My wife was upset that I did not buy her flowers !!!!
Goddamnit !!! She never told me she sold flowers !!!
Why are pediatricians easily upset?
They have little patients.
My wife is upset with me...
All I said was, "Hi coming, I'm Dad!"
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?
Everytime I go there I get upset.
I ate a female cow for dinner and it upset my stomach...
A burglar stole all of my lamps! I should be upset...
The guy who lost the fishing competition was really upset.
He was totally out of line.
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
I went to the deli the other day to get sliced turkey, but I was upset when I got there,
because everyone else before me went ham on it.
What did the king of breadland say to his servant who upset him?
I loaf you will all my anger
Why was the dolphin trainer upset with the surfer?
Because he did it on porpoise.
(Told this to my 4 kids and got 2 groans, one confused look, and an eye-roll)
What does Bill Duke say when he has an upset stomach?
Gonna have me some Tums. Gonna have me some Tums.
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.
Frankly, it's not her bismuth.
I really upset my wife when she asked what was on the T.V.
My wife is extremely upset that I've been drinking brake fluid
She shouldnt be mad, I can stop any time I want
Did you hear about the italian chef that died?
He pasta way. We cannoli do so much. Theres nutelling what can happen next... His legacy will become a pizza history. Here today, gone tomato. I can only espress-so much grief, but lettuce romaine calm. How sad that he ran out of thyme. Ashes to ashes, crust to crust. There's just not mushroom left for italian chefs in this world... Sending olive my prayers to his family. His wife is really upset, cheese still not over it... You never sausage a tragic thing. Its such a shame good people die fusilli reasons. It was a farfalle from grace... My condolences for Roberto, who died in the spaghetto. May he rest in yeast🙏🏻❤️
Wow! Im so glad so many people laughed at this joke, I got so much happy feedback from everyone lol thank u sm for all the rewards and upvotes, my week couldnt get better!😁
Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."
Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
My son was upset after I gave him a single marshmallow.
I think he wanted s'more.
Why did the retired doctor get easily upset?
Because he has no patients.
Not a dad, but my neighbor who is a dad was proud of me for this one. He was helping me dig up trees and I turned to him upset and said:
Wow you just left me with a bunch of Ash-holes in my yard.
A police officer was fired shortly after leaving the bathroom.
He was upset about being fired, but happy to be relieved of doody.
My son seemed really upset that he came in last at the Karate competition.
Doctor: Sir, you have an upset stomach
Me: So that’s where all that crying is coming from.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.
In our house It's really causing some division
I got really upset when my wife told me that I had no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Why was the chemistry teacher upset?
Because their joke didn't get a reaction.
My wife is upset because I never buy her flowers.
To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
I told my wife “don’t get upset when people call you fat......”
“.....you’re bigger than that.”
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