My parents were upset when I told them I wouldn't be taking over the family bakery.
That's just not how I roll.
My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
My wife's an artist so I tried to impress her by painting her picture but she just got really upset
I guess she liked how it looked originally.
Why was the man not bothered or upset that someone had stolen all his dried grapes?
He had no raisons to be...
My wife is really upset that I have no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Did you hear about the chemistry teacher who became upset?
Apparently he told a dad joke in class and it got no reaction.
Why was the pregnant apple so upset?
Because her boyfriend, the banana, split.
My personal trainer was upset at me because I kept using the same machine at the gym
It was the vending machine
Captain Hook was upset about the cost of his ear piercings.
But it was only a buck an ear.
My wife was upset that I did not buy her flowers !!!!
Goddamnit !!! She never told me she sold flowers !!!
Why are pediatricians easily upset?
They have little patients.
My wife is upset with me...
All I said was, "Hi coming, I'm Dad!"
Why was the bean upset with his partner's gift to him?
Everytime I go there I get upset.
I ate a female cow for dinner and it upset my stomach...
A burglar stole all of my lamps! I should be upset...
The guy who lost the fishing competition was really upset.
He was totally out of line.
A man named six gave his friends three and five some chocolate bars. Three got 7 chocolate bars and five got eight of them. Three was upset he had less than five did, and five was sad that his friend was sad, so he asked six if three could have another chocolate bar.
He gave one to three for five
I went to the deli the other day to get sliced turkey, but I was upset when I got there,
because everyone else before me went ham on it.
What did the king of breadland say to his servant who upset him?
I loaf you will all my anger
Why was the dolphin trainer upset with the surfer?
Because he did it on porpoise.
(Told this to my 4 kids and got 2 groans, one confused look, and an eye-roll)
What does Bill Duke say when he has an upset stomach?
Gonna have me some Tums. Gonna have me some Tums.
At the grocery store the other day, the bagger asked the woman in front of me, "Paper or plastic?" She responded, "It makes no difference to me. You choose." The bagger explained that he isn't allowed to, and that she had to choose. This upset her quite a bit, which was confusing to me.
I thought it was common knowledge that baggers can't be choosers.
My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.
Frankly, it's not her bismuth.
I really upset my wife when she asked what was on the T.V.
My wife is extremely upset that I've been drinking brake fluid
She shouldnt be mad, I can stop any time I want
Blanch: "Why did pickling upset you so badly? Is everything ok?" Me: "The whole experience was quite jarring...."
Blanch: "I get it. That can leave you in a bad headspace but, I'm an open kettle - you can tell me anything."
Me: "I just need to vent, Blanch."
My friend saw I was upset the other day and he said "It could be worse. You could be an irrigated hole in the ground surrounded by brick work that people use to get water"
It didn't help, but I knew he meant well
My son was upset after I gave him a single marshmallow.
I think he wanted s'more.
Why did the retired doctor get easily upset?
Because he has no patients.
Not a dad, but my neighbor who is a dad was proud of me for this one. He was helping me dig up trees and I turned to him upset and said:
Wow you just left me with a bunch of Ash-holes in my yard.
My son seemed really upset that he came in last at the Karate competition.
My wife and I went hiking and got lost. I lost my temper and she was so upset she threw the map at me.
Now I know where we stand.
Doctor: Sir, you have an upset stomach
Me: So that’s where all that crying is coming from.
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.
In our house It's really causing some division
Why was the double barreled shotgun unable to speak when it was upset?
I took a pole today and found out that 100% of people get upset when a tent falls on top of them.
Today I met a fish and the meeting went pretty well. I told him I would like to meet him again, but it got upset and swam away.
I guess, "I'll catch you later" wasn't the right phrase.
Was Spartacus upset that he had to cannibalize his wife?
I got really upset when my wife told me that I had no sense of direction.
So I packed up my stuff and right.
Why was the chemistry teacher upset?
Because their joke didn't get a reaction.
My wife is upset because I never buy her flowers.
To be honest, I never knew she sold flowers.
I told my wife “don’t get upset when people call you fat......”
“.....you’re bigger than that.”
My wife told me, “ Don’t get upset if someone calls you fat.”
“You’re much bigger than that.”
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