Et tu?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 7k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CaimanSense
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 01 2020
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Believe it of not, the punchline is 22,112. "Wun-Wun" was one horse, "Tu-Tu" was one too. Wun-Wun won one race,

Tu-Tu won one too.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 12 2020
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Tu bad
πŸ‘οΈŽ 90
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Herobrine_1
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 13 2020
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After a brain scan, a doctor with bad bedside manor says to his patient seems like I'll see you TU MOR times, because you have TU MOR days to live.
πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 10 2019
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Et tu Brute?
πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/smaxx21
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 01 2019
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Et tu Barte? imgur.com/ybWeyFq
πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KnotNotNaught
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2018
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πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GantMan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 07 2014
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How many lips do flowers have?

Tu-lips.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 21 2021
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"Son, what're you drinking" "Soy milk"

"Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 4k
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/romben1
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 31 2020
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How do you call a Toucan who is supportive of you?

A Youcan

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/R3DRUMxd
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 01 2020
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Did you hear how clever the person was who invented the tutu?

They really knew how to put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 7
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Digitosa
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 17 2020
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β€œDad, what do ballerinas wear?”

Dad: You can figure it out. Just put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 47
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 10 2020
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Ceasar Salad
πŸ‘οΈŽ 30
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Guy936
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 28 2019
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Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:

"Achoo, Brute?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/RampantSavagery
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 29 2019
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I don’t know how to make a Caesar salad

But i’m willing to take a stab at it

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/1punman_
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 04 2018
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How was the Roman empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 82
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 01 2017
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I have peaked Dad Jokeness

[Just some context]

Like my father, I sneeze loudly. I sneeze so loudly in fact, while walking my dog this morning, my wife heard me sneeze from 200m away, in our apartment.

When I got home my wife greeted me, "Hello, Sneezer."

I replied, devastated, "Et tu Brute?"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 54
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/MaterialIndividual
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 16 2019
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What kind of fish is only made of salt.

A tu-na.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/ViolinistNotViolist
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 22 2019
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Which flower is the best kisser?

Tu-lips

πŸ‘οΈŽ 18
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Finnicoos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2019
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Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
πŸ‘οΈŽ 4
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/edg0023
πŸ“…οΈŽ Sep 18 2018
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My dad just owned me in a facebook message rap battle.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:


Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 197
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TheLegitMidgit
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 15 2014
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The inventor of the ballet skirt was having trouble finding a name for it...

But then he put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 13
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jan 27 2018
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Dad playing guitar

This is a Chinese piece called tu-ning

πŸ‘οΈŽ 11
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/CalumMoo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jun 25 2016
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It certainly ruffled some feathers

I am a math teacher to high schoolers and we were going over 2d and 3d shapes. I started to draw random pictures of birds using the shapes and ended up with a toucan picture. So I made the bird say "if I can do it, Tu-can too!" which was a double joke because most of the kids speak Spanish and I spelled it as 'tu' which means 'you'. I got so many groans and "wow Mrs. Acinomismonica" so I could tell they thought it was an egg-cellent joke.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 19
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/acinomismonica
πŸ“…οΈŽ May 08 2015
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Pass me the ugly.

We are from Quebec so we speak french.

It's lunchtime and someone at the table is getting thirsty. (Keep in mind that ''laid'' and ''lait'' are pronounced the same way in french)

''Peux tu me passer le lait, papa? (Can you pass over the milk, dad?)'' My sister says.

''Ben, le laid est just lΓ ! (Well, the ugly is right there!)'' My dad says while pointing at me.

He then proceeds to laugh, extremely proud of his joke. Oh dad..

πŸ‘οΈŽ 9
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/Twitos
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 02 2015
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What did the divorced Irishman say as he spilled hot tea on himself?

Et tu, brewed tay?

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/patron_vectras
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 19 2017
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That guy with two dicks should start a hip-hop group.

It would be the Tu-Wang Clan.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/SadEaglesFan
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 29 2014
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Made a french dadjoke with my girlfriend.

French here, so the joke is in french, maybe some will still like it.

Ma copine me dit un soir: "oh merde, Γ§a m'endors !"

J'ai directement rΓ©pondu: "sinon tu peux faire un truc qui te Liechtenstein, ou qui te Monaco.."

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/AntoineMichelashvili
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 23 2015
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Family of musicians, my dad has been saying this for years.

We were at my brother's show last night, and he was tuning his guitar in between songs. My dad turns to me and goes "Ah the great Chinese song Tu Ning."

My brother's and I have been playing shows since I can remember, this jokes probably comes out at least once a month. Dad's a persistent, that's for sure.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 28
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/sundog12100
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 08 2015
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Got the wife and MiL yesterday

All while planning next year's big trip to Disneyland.

Wife: We can make our daughter wear a dress!

MiL: Yeah she could wear a tu-tu!

Me: Well if we're going all out, why don't we just get her a three-three!

eyes roll

MiL to Wife: You know you could wear a tu-tu too!

Me: The math still adds up, so we are getting a three-three!

groans

Wife: Shut up.

Thanks, I'm here all week.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pipiopi
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 10 2015
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Dadjoked by a Fortune Cookie...

http://i.imgur.com/qYnhTuQ.jpg?1

πŸ‘οΈŽ 2
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/gijen3
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 28 2016
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 17
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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Dad: What are you drinking?

Son: Soy milk.

Dad: Hola milk, soy es tu padre.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 12
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/t0fu4snacc
πŸ“…οΈŽ Mar 15 2020
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 6
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 09 2020
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How many lips does a flower have?

Tu-lips!!

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 03 2020
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘οΈŽ 43
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hxnhxn24
πŸ“…οΈŽ Apr 15 2019
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Dad: β€œWhat milk are you drinking son?”

Son: β€œSoy milk.” Dad: β€œHola milk, soy es tu patre.”

πŸ‘οΈŽ 16
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/GoldenEcho404
πŸ“…οΈŽ Jul 17 2019
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"What have you got there son?"

Son: soy milk

Dad: hola milk, soy tu padre

πŸ‘οΈŽ 58
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/NumberOneNumberWang
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 07 2017
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Father: Hey son what are you drinking?

Son: Soy-milk

Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre

πŸ‘οΈŽ 29
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/2wings
πŸ“…οΈŽ Aug 22 2017
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Milk

Son walks up to his dad. Son:Hey dad I need some milk Dad: What kind of milk? Son: You know i'm lactose intolerant, soy milk. Dad: Hola milk, soy tu padre.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 35
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/TableHockey31313
πŸ“…οΈŽ Feb 13 2017
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Hey there son, whatcha got there?

>Hey there son, whatcha got there?

Soy milk.

>Hola milk, soy tu padre.

πŸ‘οΈŽ 20
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/hgbleackley
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 10 2014
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whaddya got there, son

dad: whaddya got there, son

son: soy milk

dad: hola milk, soy tu padre

πŸ‘οΈŽ 8
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πŸ‘€οΈŽ u/pietimestwo
πŸ“…οΈŽ Nov 07 2014
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