Et tu?
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaimanSense
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2020
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Believe it of not, the punchline is 22,112. "Wun-Wun" was one horse, "Tu-Tu" was one too. Wun-Wun won one race,

Tu-Tu won one too.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/H_G_Bells
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
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Tu bad
πŸ‘︎ 90
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Herobrine_1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
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After a brain scan, a doctor with bad bedside manor says to his patient seems like I'll see you TU MOR times, because you have TU MOR days to live.
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
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Et tu Brute?
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smaxx21
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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Et tu Barte? imgur.com/ybWeyFq
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnotNotNaught
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GantMan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
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How many lips do flowers have?

Tu-lips.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chihiro_yoru
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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"Son, what're you drinking" "Soy milk"

"Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/romben1
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
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How do you call a Toucan who is supportive of you?

A Youcan

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/R3DRUMxd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Did you hear how clever the person was who invented the tutu?

They really knew how to put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Digitosa
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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β€œDad, what do ballerinas wear?”

Dad: You can figure it out. Just put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2020
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Ceasar Salad
πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Guy936
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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Everyone remembers the iconic line from the lesser known Tragedy of Julius Sneezer:

"Achoo, Brute?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RampantSavagery
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
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I don’t know how to make a Caesar salad

But i’m willing to take a stab at it

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1punman_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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How was the Roman empire cut in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MeowMixSong
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2017
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I have peaked Dad Jokeness

[Just some context]

Like my father, I sneeze loudly. I sneeze so loudly in fact, while walking my dog this morning, my wife heard me sneeze from 200m away, in our apartment.

When I got home my wife greeted me, "Hello, Sneezer."

I replied, devastated, "Et tu Brute?"

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2019
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What kind of fish is only made of salt.

A tu-na.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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Which flower is the best kisser?

Tu-lips

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Finnicoos
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/edg0023
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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My dad just owned me in a facebook message rap battle.

First of all, yes my family have rap battles over facebook, we are that white. It's been a fun rap battle of sorts, and my dad just threw down then well... Here is the conversation:


Father: Parental rap battle, game over with this one...

Father: You say we are weak

that our rhymes are the worst

Just remember my lad that we were here first

Rap didn't begin right now with your gang

It started with ours and came out with a bang

That we can't rap - on Twitter you say

o what a betrayal, Et tu, Brute

Oh no, oh snap, did that happen here

Dad threw down some latin from Will Shakespeare

I'm done with this battle and now I'll decree

Just remember my apple you fell from this tree

Me: I honestly have no words.

Father: Shit.... [TheLegitMidgit] is speechless. How could that be?

Me: Color me impressed.

Father: Is that green?

Me: Stop while you're ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 197
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLegitMidgit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2014
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The inventor of the ballet skirt was having trouble finding a name for it...

But then he put tu and tu together.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowmansni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
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Dad playing guitar

This is a Chinese piece called tu-ning

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CalumMoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2016
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It certainly ruffled some feathers

I am a math teacher to high schoolers and we were going over 2d and 3d shapes. I started to draw random pictures of birds using the shapes and ended up with a toucan picture. So I made the bird say "if I can do it, Tu-can too!" which was a double joke because most of the kids speak Spanish and I spelled it as 'tu' which means 'you'. I got so many groans and "wow Mrs. Acinomismonica" so I could tell they thought it was an egg-cellent joke.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/acinomismonica
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2015
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Pass me the ugly.

We are from Quebec so we speak french.

It's lunchtime and someone at the table is getting thirsty. (Keep in mind that ''laid'' and ''lait'' are pronounced the same way in french)

''Peux tu me passer le lait, papa? (Can you pass over the milk, dad?)'' My sister says.

''Ben, le laid est just lΓ ! (Well, the ugly is right there!)'' My dad says while pointing at me.

He then proceeds to laugh, extremely proud of his joke. Oh dad..

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twitos
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2015
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What did the divorced Irishman say as he spilled hot tea on himself?

Et tu, brewed tay?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patron_vectras
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
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That guy with two dicks should start a hip-hop group.

It would be the Tu-Wang Clan.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SadEaglesFan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2014
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Made a french dadjoke with my girlfriend.

French here, so the joke is in french, maybe some will still like it.

Ma copine me dit un soir: "oh merde, Γ§a m'endors !"

J'ai directement rΓ©pondu: "sinon tu peux faire un truc qui te Liechtenstein, ou qui te Monaco.."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
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Family of musicians, my dad has been saying this for years.

We were at my brother's show last night, and he was tuning his guitar in between songs. My dad turns to me and goes "Ah the great Chinese song Tu Ning."

My brother's and I have been playing shows since I can remember, this jokes probably comes out at least once a month. Dad's a persistent, that's for sure.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sundog12100
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2015
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Got the wife and MiL yesterday

All while planning next year's big trip to Disneyland.

Wife: We can make our daughter wear a dress!

MiL: Yeah she could wear a tu-tu!

Me: Well if we're going all out, why don't we just get her a three-three!

eyes roll

MiL to Wife: You know you could wear a tu-tu too!

Me: The math still adds up, so we are getting a three-three!

groans

Wife: Shut up.

Thanks, I'm here all week.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pipiopi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2015
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Dadjoked by a Fortune Cookie...

http://i.imgur.com/qYnhTuQ.jpg?1

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gijen3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
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Dad: What are you drinking?

Son: Soy milk.

Dad: Hola milk, soy es tu padre.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/t0fu4snacc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2020
🚨︎ report
How many lips does a flower have?

Tu-lips!!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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I asked my son what was in his cup he was drinking from

He said, "Soy milk!"

I responded, "Hola milk, soy es tu padre!"

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hxnhxn24
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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Dad: β€œWhat milk are you drinking son?”

Son: β€œSoy milk.” Dad: β€œHola milk, soy es tu patre.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenEcho404
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2019
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"What have you got there son?"

Son: soy milk

Dad: hola milk, soy tu padre

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2017
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Father: Hey son what are you drinking?

Son: Soy-milk

Father: Hola milk, soy tu padre

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2wings
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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Milk

Son walks up to his dad. Son:Hey dad I need some milk Dad: What kind of milk? Son: You know i'm lactose intolerant, soy milk. Dad: Hola milk, soy tu padre.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TableHockey31313
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2017
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Hey there son, whatcha got there?

>Hey there son, whatcha got there?

Soy milk.

>Hola milk, soy tu padre.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hgbleackley
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
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whaddya got there, son

dad: whaddya got there, son

son: soy milk

dad: hola milk, soy tu padre

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pietimestwo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2014
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