Totalizer Puns

Total pun-upper

So storytime... My wife and I were talking about my overuse of puns, and food/cheese puns in particularly (that's goud-a but this one's feta, etc.) I ended up drawing a Venn diagram.

The largest circle was my total puns, inside it was a second circle representing food puns, with a third showing cheese puns. I was trying to show that a majority of all of my puns are food related, and many of those are cheese related.

Something like this: http://i.imgur.com/nPdi07H.jpg

My wife immediately told me I did it wrong, that some of the cheese circle was outside of the food puns.

I told her that those are rare, but are often the cheesiest.

But try donating five kidneys and suddenly everyone is yelling and the police get involved.

It’s spends all day doing tik toks.

That’s a wurst kase scenario

You know what they say, hair today gone tomorrow

-Why do you want a Ford?

-Because its af-Ford-able!

..it's really hard to find the happy Medium.

...would be preposterous

Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...

Because we’d be admitting 2021.

This comes as little surprise however, as Iceland’s Björk has always been worse than their byte.

I really wish he would stop laughing at me expense.

“Good” he said, “because I’m counting on you”.

But I was just born with mine?

An Incommunicado

Eh?!

Sturgeon general

CRAYFISH

Because they all came out of closets.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

Though, I probably would for marble.

He was totally out of line.

It's a total rip-off!!!

Now I’m totally sick, bro! 🤘🤘🤘

Because he was antisocial

I was happy to give him a full glass of water to help!

“Wherever you go, there are those darn cameras!"

I would've complained, but it seemed like more of a fecal matter.

... so they can beat the crowds!

Edit: Wow, this is now my second highest upvoted post ever, and it's not even my own joke! Totally should have credited the video I saw this in: https://www.reddit.com/r/PublicFreakout/comments/h8btkp/protester_has_a_joke_for_the_police_officers/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

Thanks for the laughs and great comment threads, Reddit :)

It totally feels like tomorrow.

until he tried a dodge.