Tings Puns

It was always just one ting after another.

Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. I’m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.

It’s the little tings in life, ya know?

It was just one ting after another.

Root-ing two-ting

Thanks for every ting.

His budgie-ting skills were horrible!

All offenses aside, I’m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genie’s lamp and says to himself “ooh laddy what have we found here? I tink I’ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!”

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genie’s form becomes solid. It speaks, “Oh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.”

The Irishman’s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts “tree wishes?! That’s just brilliant!” For me first wish, I’ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.”

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. “Well I tink we’ll have to put this to the test!” He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, “Ahhhhhhhh!!!” And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping “bulp!”, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. “WELL I’LL BE! THAT’S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!”

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman “Master, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?”

The Irishman looks to the genie and says “oh tat’s easy! I’ll have two more of these!”

Dad: "No the regular kind."

That's common sense leaving your body.

I met a stranger o‌‌n t‌‌he t‌‌ube t‌‌he o‌‌ther d‌‌ay. He didn't say 'hello', as a normal person might. Instead, he s‌‌aid, "‌‌Remember Matt Damon".

That seems a little bit weird... but it gets weirder. The next day, I passed the same fellow on the street, while I was out walking my dog. He called out to me once again, "Remember Matt Damon".

But I finally cracked it and called the cops after the SAME guy t‌‌apped o‌‌n m‌‌y bedroom w‌‌indow, a‌‌t 1‌‌1.30 pm last n‌‌ight. He called to me, loud enough for me to clearly hear him through the glass, "‌‌Remember Matt Damon."

My conversation with the police then went like this:

Me: Officer, I think I have a stalker.

Policeman: can you tell me anything about this person?

Me: Well... uhhh... he reminds me of Matt Damon...

I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. 🇨🇿 Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. 🇷🇺 I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isn’t Swedened. 🇹🇳🇬🇷🇸🇪 I felt like I could Italy food in my house. 🇮🇹

Exact Lee.

That's because when you remove pain from painting all that remains is a *ting

Quill-ting

Do Ping

I just stood at the back and ting

Some would even call it egg-sauce-ting.

Dropped this on a co-worker just now.

Them: ".. yeah and why do we even have to pay for air at the gas stations, we never used to."

Me: Well it's due to inflation.

I am confident I've seen this joke on reddit before, just happy I was able to execute it as good as possible. I got tingly when the conversation was heading this way and she dropped the perfect setup line. Grateful I've seen it before, pass it on and use it wisely.

Sum Long Ting.

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah

Here's a joke my dad told me. Sorry if you've heard it, but I found it hilarious, and I think you might enjoy it.

In a small town in the suburbs, there was a small family of balloons. There was a mummy balloon, a daddy balloon, and a small child balloon. Every night the boy would sleep between his parents, but his father had had enough.

"son, I know you love sleeping between us, but you're getting a bit too old for it., " the father said. "You're nearly 8, you're a big boy, and your mother and I think you should sleep in your own bed from now on. You can stay tonight but starting tomorrow we want you in your own bed. Do you understand?"

"Yeah dad, I understand..." the boy said with a maudlin tinge to his voice.

"okay son, I love you."

"love you too dad"

The next night the boy tried sleeping in his own bed, but there was a storm outside. It was a dark, ominous storm - the kind of storm that sounds like a cataclysm for the end of the world.

The boy was scared, so he went to sleep in his parents room. However when he tried to squeeze between them, he found he didn't fit. He felt defeated. He felt scared. He felt alone.

But then an idea struck him. He decided he'd just let a little bit of air out of his father. He tried to squeeze in again, but had no such luck. So he let a little bit of air out of his mother. He tried again. Still no luck. Finally, he decided to let some air out of himself. Success! He squeezed in tightly and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning his parents were furious. His father was feeling particularly angry, and screamed at his son.

"son, I told you not to sleep in our room. I told you to sleep in your own bed! Didn't I say that Hun?"

"yes dear," the mother said, feeling slightly deflated.

"so son, what do you have to say for yourself?" the father asked in anger.

"it was dark and stormy and..." the boy tried to spit out.

"I don't care son!" the father interrupted. "you can't keep doing this! I'm very disappointed. You've let me down, you've let me down, but worst of all..."

He told me I was to discuss ting

"Coun-Ting" -My Jazz band teacher in his attempt to get the band to count

I would tell a Mexican joke but that's crossing the line.

I would tell a gay joke, butt fuck it.

I would tell you a dirty Chinese joke but that's sum ting wong.

It was just one ting after another.

I just stand at the back and ting

Dad : “No, the regular kind.”

"Which doctor?" she asked.

"No, the regular kind."

I just stand at the back and ting.

"I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind."

It was just one ting after another.

It was just one ting after another

it was just one ting after another.

It was just one ting after another with him.

...it was just one ting after another

I had to quit because it was one ting after another

But it was just one ting after another

I just sit at the back an' ting.

I just stand at the back and ting

Sam Ting.