I used to be the triangle player in a Jamaican band but I had to quit....

It was always just one ting after another.

Edit: Thanks for all the positive reactions to this joke. Iโ€™m glad I could make a few of you chuckle today.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 11k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThroneDiscs
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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Who is Fleur Ting, and why do people assume Iโ€™m her while I talk to girls?
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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I used to play the triangle in a Reggae band but I left though

It was just one ting after another.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/RebellionRob75
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My favorite part of the morning is the sound of pouring coffee into my metal thermos

Itโ€™s the little tings in life, ya know?

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Cold_Shogun
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
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I was asked to play the triangle in our local symphony orchestra! But I quit because . . .

It was just one ting after another.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/urkdor73
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
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What does the square root of 2 like to describe something awesome as?

Root-ing two-ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 4
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/StrangerBatman01
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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A shout out to the guy who played the triangle with our band for the last few years...

Thanks for every ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 238
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/porichoygupto
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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Which Witch is a Sandwich
๐Ÿ‘︎ 4k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gingernuts13
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
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I want the normal one too! (Op u/ItsSrikerOMG)
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ThunderMuffin16
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
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How Long is a Chinese name.
๐Ÿ‘︎ 10k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PoopMonster696969
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Dad:"I need to call the doctor today." Mom:" Which doctor?"

Dad: "No the regular kind."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 288
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 08 2020
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Did you hear about the broke ornithologist?

His budgie-ting skills were horrible!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheRoamingWizard
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
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An Irishman finds a genie

All offenses aside, Iโ€™m originally from Britain and we make fun of the Irish ALL the time.

So an Irishman stumbles upon a genieโ€™s lamp and says to himself โ€œooh laddy what have we found here? I tink Iโ€™ll give it a rub to see if a genie appears!โ€

So he does, and lo, a puff of blue smoke comes pouring out of the spout, billows into the air and the genieโ€™s form becomes solid. It speaks, โ€œOh master of the lamp, I am your genie and I grant you three wishes.โ€

The Irishmanโ€™s eyes are wide open with glee, his cheeks and nose red with fire, he shouts โ€œtree wishes?! Thatโ€™s just brilliant!โ€ For me first wish, Iโ€™ll have a bottle of whiskey that never runs dry.โ€

The genie, eyes rolling, clicks his fingers and POOF a nice big bottle of whiskey appears before the Irishman. โ€œWell I tink weโ€™ll have to put this to the test!โ€ He snatches up the bottle, takes a long healthy swig, glug glug glug, and the bottle pops as he releases it from his lips, โ€œAhhhhhhhh!!!โ€ And to his amazement as soon as the liquid in the bottle settled, it gave a large burping โ€œbulp!โ€, released a large bubble, and when the bubble popped the bottle was full again. โ€œWELL Iโ€™LL BE! THATโ€™S THE MOST INCREDIBLE TING!โ€

The genie, steadfastly unimpressed, reminded the Irishman โ€œMaster, I will bring you fortune, splendor, reputation, treasures beyond any imagination. You have two wishes remaining. What would master want for a wish?โ€

The Irishman looks to the genie and says โ€œoh tatโ€™s easy! Iโ€™ll have two more of these!โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/bbacconnn
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Sum Dim Lai Ting
๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Exos_VII
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2017
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You know that tingly sensation you get when you fall in love with somebody?

That's common sense leaving your body.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sharmaamit92
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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Remember Matt Damon?

I met a stranger oโ€Œโ€Œn tโ€Œโ€Œhe tโ€Œโ€Œube tโ€Œโ€Œhe oโ€Œโ€Œther dโ€Œโ€Œay. He didn't say 'hello', as a normal person might. Instead, he sโ€Œโ€Œaid, "โ€Œโ€ŒRemember Matt Damon".

That seems a little bit weird... but it gets weirder. The next day, I passed the same fellow on the street, while I was out walking my dog. He called out to me once again, "Remember Matt Damon".

But I finally cracked it and called the cops after the SAME guy tโ€Œโ€Œapped oโ€Œโ€Œn mโ€Œโ€Œy bedroom wโ€Œโ€Œindow, aโ€Œโ€Œt 1โ€Œโ€Œ1.30 pm last nโ€Œโ€Œight. He called to me, loud enough for me to clearly hear him through the glass, "โ€Œโ€ŒRemember Matt Damon."

My conversation with the police then went like this:

Me: Officer, I think I have a stalker.

Policeman: can you tell me anything about this person?

Me: Well... uhhh... he reminds me of Matt Damon...

๐Ÿ‘︎ 24
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/td941
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 08 2020
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Continue with this trend!!

I was hungry. So I Czeched the fridge. ๐Ÿ‡จ๐Ÿ‡ฟ Nothing was there, so I was Russian over to the nearest restaurant. ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡บ I grabbed some Turkey, but it was layered in Greece. I Haiti ting food that isnโ€™t Swedened. ๐Ÿ‡น๐Ÿ‡ณ๐Ÿ‡ฌ๐Ÿ‡ท๐Ÿ‡ธ๐Ÿ‡ช I felt like I could Italy food in my house. ๐Ÿ‡ฎ๐Ÿ‡น

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thebitlifelover
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2020
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What do you call an Asian man who always has correct change?

Exact Lee.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/ProfessorFog
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 25 2017
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Did you know? When painters aren't suffering they often play their triangle

That's because when you remove pain from painting all that remains is a *ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/BurningCandleSample
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
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What is the most popular porcupine hobby?

Quill-ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 05 2020
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What do you call a Chinese athlete caught cheating ?

Do Ping

๐Ÿ‘︎ 25
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Junkil
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 17 2018
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I didn't even look up from my desk.

Dropped this on a co-worker just now.

Them: ".. yeah and why do we even have to pay for air at the gas stations, we never used to."

Me: Well it's due to inflation.

I am confident I've seen this joke on reddit before, just happy I was able to execute it as good as possible. I got tingly when the conversation was heading this way and she dropped the perfect setup line. Grateful I've seen it before, pass it on and use it wisely.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 802
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/random_feedback
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 24 2017
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I was once in a Rasta band. I played the triangle.

I just stood at the back and ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/gracemk1
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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Making mayonnaise is hard work.

Some would even call it egg-sauce-ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sounds_questionable
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
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A family of balloons

Here's a joke my dad told me. Sorry if you've heard it, but I found it hilarious, and I think you might enjoy it.

In a small town in the suburbs, there was a small family of balloons. There was a mummy balloon, a daddy balloon, and a small child balloon. Every night the boy would sleep between his parents, but his father had had enough.

"son, I know you love sleeping between us, but you're getting a bit too old for it., " the father said. "You're nearly 8, you're a big boy, and your mother and I think you should sleep in your own bed from now on. You can stay tonight but starting tomorrow we want you in your own bed. Do you understand?"

"Yeah dad, I understand..." the boy said with a maudlin tinge to his voice.

"okay son, I love you."

"love you too dad"

The next night the boy tried sleeping in his own bed, but there was a storm outside. It was a dark, ominous storm - the kind of storm that sounds like a cataclysm for the end of the world.

The boy was scared, so he went to sleep in his parents room. However when he tried to squeeze between them, he found he didn't fit. He felt defeated. He felt scared. He felt alone.

But then an idea struck him. He decided he'd just let a little bit of air out of his father. He tried to squeeze in again, but had no such luck. So he let a little bit of air out of his mother. He tried again. Still no luck. Finally, he decided to let some air out of himself. Success! He squeezed in tightly and drifted off to sleep.

The next morning his parents were furious. His father was feeling particularly angry, and screamed at his son.

"son, I told you not to sleep in our room. I told you to sleep in your own bed! Didn't I say that Hun?"

"yes dear," the mother said, feeling slightly deflated.

"so son, what do you have to say for yourself?" the father asked in anger.

"it was dark and stormy and..." the boy tried to spit out.

"I don't care son!" the father interrupted. "you can't keep doing this! I'm very disappointed. You've let me down, you've let me down, but worst of all..."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/aesyr_raps
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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What Do You Call A Tall Chinese Guy?

Sum Long Ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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Learn Chinese in 5 min

LEARN CHINESE IN 5 MINUTES (You MUST read them out loud or it doesnt make as much sense)...

  1. Thats not right........ Sum Ting Wong
  2. Are you harboring a fugitive................... Hu Yu Hai Ding
  3. See me ASAP............. Kum Hia Nao
  4. Stupid Man...................... Dum Fuk
  5. Small horse... Tai Ni Po Ni
  6. Did you go to the beach?... Wai Yu So Tan
  7. I bumped in to a coffee table... Ai Bang Mai Fa Kin Ni
  8. I think you need a face lift... Chin Tu Fat
  9. It's very dark in here... Wao So Dim
  10. I thought you were on a diet... Wai Yu Mun Ching
  11. This is a tow away zone... No Pah King
  12. staying out of sight... Lei Ying Lo
  13. He's cleaning his automobile... Wa Shing Ka
  14. Your body odor is offensive... Yu Stin Ki Pu
  15. Great... Fa Kin Su Pah
๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/edg0023
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 18 2018
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I told my English teacher I planned on writing my onomatopoeia assignment on the word fap

He told me I was to discuss ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/vbace715
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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The Ancient Chinese God of Rhythm

"Coun-Ting" -My Jazz band teacher in his attempt to get the band to count

๐Ÿ‘︎ 9
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/carlosmon69
๐Ÿ“…︎ Mar 09 2014
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Regarding the diets of dairy cows.

I grew up in Vermont. Around my town were plenty of dairy farms, inviting the always wonderful manure aroma. An aroma that nearly forced my father to inhale deeply through his nose, saying, "Ah, fresh Vermont air!"

That's an excellent Dad one liner, as are most dad jokes, but he had another great one that I'm getting to.

You see, the hay bails we saw growing up in Vermont were mostly the cube variety. Hay bailing technology at the time created cubes of hay, so that's what dotted the fields they'd graze in.

As we grew older, we starting noticing the now more common round bails of hay. Dad was not pleased.

I asked him what the problem was or, at least, what his problem was with the round bails. The best jokes are set up when you ask for them.

So, he tells me. New farming technology allowed the round bails to be created more efficiently. They used less fuel in the bailers, took less passes on the field to gather the hay. They used less twine, and even though they didn't fill a truck as well as square bails, there was still a net monetary gain from the efficiency gained elsewhere.

However, studies were done on the bails. The cows approached them differently due to the different alignment of surface area. The way the rain hit the bails and rolled off as opposed to soaking in leached nutrients out of the hay. Some cows even mistook the shape of bail for another animal, and approached them so nervously that their heart rates were known to raise significantly; such a rate that a tinge of acidity could be tasted by those in the know in their milk.

What all of this amounted to... is that with the new round bails of hay, the cows just weren't getting a good square meal.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 57
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/estomasi
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2013
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I would tell you...

I would tell a Mexican joke but that's crossing the line.

I would tell a gay joke, butt fuck it.

I would tell you a dirty Chinese joke but that's sum ting wong.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 8
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jedijosh920
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 17 2015
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I used to play the triangle in a reggae band..... I had to quit,it was just one ting after another
๐Ÿ‘︎ 34
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jimmysquirrel
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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A reggae band signed me up to play the triangle

I just stand at the back and ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 5
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Josh2807
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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Dad : โ€œI need to call the doctor today.โ€ Mom : โ€œWhich doctor?โ€

Dad : โ€œNo, the regular kind.โ€

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
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I said to my wife, "I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?" she asked.

"No, the regular kind."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 14k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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Sometimes, my wife makes it *too* easy.

"I need to call the doctor today."

"Which doctor?"

"No, the regular kind."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/HalBriston
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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I just got a job playing the triangle in a reggae band

I just stand at the back and ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/metalmarky82
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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I once played the triangle in a reggae band but I left

It was just one ting after another

๐Ÿ‘︎ 53
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/yeahlte
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 18 2018
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I used to play the triangle in a reggae band but I left...

It was just one ting after another.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/PositiveSolution
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 14 2019
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I grew tired of playing triangle in a band

it was just one ting after another.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 245
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/LordJimsicle
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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Fired the guy who played the triangle from my Reggae band today

It was just one ting after another with him.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 40
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/DNBandPsychedelics
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
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I used to play triangle in a reggae band but eventually left...

...it was just one ting after another

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sirlukethemodest
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 11 2019
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I used to play triangle in a Jamaican reggae band.

I had to quit because it was one ting after another

๐Ÿ‘︎ 3
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/The_Nightman_82
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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I used to play the triangle in a reggae band

But it was just one ting after another

๐Ÿ‘︎ 33
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/FrostyCat999
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 20 2018
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So, just been asked to play the triangle in a reggae band...

I just sit at the back an' ting.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Maester_Magus
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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I play the triangle in a reggae band

I just stand at the back and ting

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
๐Ÿ’ฌ︎
๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Prangfandango
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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