Reflecting on Prince Philip death, I was chatting with the Mrs and I said, I know I’m getting a little older, but I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug.
She got up, unplugged my laptop and threw out my beer….
EDIT: Thanks for the kind awards... My first ever! ❤️
The police just showed up at my house and arrested my bottle of water. They said he was wanted in 3 states...
Was your waist the 16th president of the United States?
...cause those hips don’t lie
Not to brag, but yesterday i beat the state chess champion in less than five moves.
Finally my high school karate lessons came to some use.
Won an award for growing the biggest pickle in the state.
Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.
“Noah walked out onto the ark and saw....”
What do you say to The President Of The United States when he leaves abruptly?
BREAKING: The United States, after mistaking it for an Iranian submarine, has struck a utility submarine with an underwater torpedo that was en route to displace the shipping carrier blocking the Suez Canal, killing all 169 aboard
The Texas state Aquarium taught a crow to play connect four, too bad they didn't teach it Clue...
I bet it would murder the game.
What state has the smallest drinks ?
I heard a kangaroo can jump higher than the Empire State building.
Actually, they all can. Buildings don't jump at all.
Now that Donald Trump is no longer President, the United States is experiencing post-nut clarity.
What's a state where the men don't know anything?
Donald Trump is currently organizing pigeons against the united states government.
Did you hear about the depressive state of US?
What state in the US speaks Japanese?
The Secretary of State will be Biden's first confirmed Cabinet member.
After all, the Republicans can't say no to A. Blinken!
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
If DC, Puerto Rico, and Guam became states, the US would be truly indivisible
Since 53 states is a prime number
A state trooper pulled alongside a speeding car on the freeway
Glancing at the car he was astounded to see that the elderly woman behind the wheel was knitting
The trooper crank down his window and yelled to the driver “pull over”
“No!” yelled the woman “it’s a cardigan”
Do you know the top 15 states to live in?
Alaska, Washington, Idaho, Montana, North Dakota, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan, Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Vermont, New Hampshire, & Maine
What is the only American State that has ever been married?
What is the best American state to go sunbathing?
When I play battleship I like to arrange my ships in the shape of states...
What did the Commanding General of the United States Army say after having his budget approved?
At which US state did the great depression start?
I’m such a state! What will Della wear to the picnic? And who else will be there? What will we do?
I think Texas coming. What will Delaware? I don’t know, Alaska! Iowa thanks to you for bringing this up! Maybe we can play some Tennessee? Indiana just don’t think we’ll know what to expect. Like last time, we don’t know Michigan.
You would think that the state that is most popular for Casino's and lucrative businesses...
...would be better at counting
What State Has The Most Streets?
I just found out that Mercedes is donating state of the art street sweepers to some of the largest cities around the world to help fight littering.
They’re calling it Mercedes-clenz
The United States Postal Service got jokes
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
The Three States of Metal Gear.
A physicist sees a man about to jump off of the Empire State Building...
He yells,” Don’t do it, you have too much potential”
If I ever need to know what state Juneau is the capital of
I asked my daughter which state she likes most in the USA, but she didn't answer!
It's ok, Alaska again later.
Which US state does all the horse hair come from?
Which state has the smallest sodas?
The police arrested water because it was wanted in three states
What is the only state mentioned in the bible? Arkansas.
Noah looked out of the ark and saw two doves.
Can a turkey jump higher than the Empire State Building?
Of course it can! A building can’t jump at all!
Which state has the most streets?
Which state has the most streets?
What state has the smallest drinks?
Mini-Soda.
(From my seven-year-old.)
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