Whats the difference between a dad joke and a bad joke?
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The direction the first letter faces
If you think that your microwave collecting data and the TV spying on you is bad enough...
the vaccum cleaner has been gathering dirt on you for years...
What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson's butt?
There's so many bad puns on this sub' it's making me just feel numb, and don't talk about the math ones..
..they make me feel even number.
My wife told me to get more in touch with my feminine side
So I went out and crashed the car.
And then ignored her for no reason
The wife left me because I have a fetish for touching pasta
Now I’m feeling cannelloni
I bee-leave I can touch the sky
In Zack Snyder's Justice League, Barry Allen breaks a window by simply touching it.
This is because Windows no longer supports Flash...
I didn't enjoy the German BBQ. The burgers were bad
..but the sausages were wurst.
Bad jokes to survive the Qur'anteen
What do you call an IT teacher that touches up his students?
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
The wedding was so touching that
even the cake was in tiers.
Edit: Thank you so much guys! I never expected this to reach 10k upvotes! You guys truly made my day.
My wife said she didn't touch my freshly painted Firetruck model.
But I caught her red-handed.
The touching in this image is completely nonsexual
Why are the fastest land animals on Earth so bad at relationships?
Because they are cheetahs
When I was a kid, I wanted to play the guitar really badly.
And after years of hard work, practice and dedication, I can now play the guitar really badly.
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
The water asked the sand if it could touch it ?
Why is a Dyson vacuum cleaner considered both good and bad at the same time?
I came from the psychiatrist and I have good and bad news
Did you hear that the mailman got fired over a bad joke?
He must really need to work on his delivery.
Last night I dreamt a pun so bad it woke me up.
Last night I dreamt I was turning my handwriting into a custom font.
It started out normal with basic straight lines but by “Z” it had become a very ornate and filigreed design, reminiscent of the designs of monks in old bibles.
Someone watching me work then asked me what the font was called.
I responded: What’s a monk’s favourite font?
They shook their head and shrugged.
Me: MonastArial!
I started laughing but only received an exasperated sigh in return.
Me: Wait, I’ve got another one. How about GaraMonk? 🤣
Ahhhhnd I woke myself up because I was laughing so hard at my own joke and had to look up of Monastarial was a real word. It is.
I live next to the rubbish dump and have a huge fly problem, the bloody things are everywhere. It's gotten so bad I've decided to sell my house and move...
Why do people in a wheelchair make such bad jokes?
Cuz they're really terrible at stand up comedy
Idk what’s goin on in the Middle East, but I hear Israeli bad over there
Paper isn’t just bad for the environment.
DAD JOKES ARE NOT DIRTY.
Go post NSFW jokes somewhere else. If I can't tell my kids this joke, then it is not a DAD JOKE.
If you feel it's appropriate to share NSFW jokes with your kids, that's on you. But a real, true dad joke should work for anyone's kid.
Mods... If you exist... Please, stop this madness. Rule #6 should simply not allow NSFW or (wtf) NSFL tags. Also, remember that MINORS browse this subreddit too? Why put that in rule #6, then allow NSFW???
Please consider changing rule #6. I love this sub, but the recent influx of NSFW tagged posts that get all the upvotes, just seem wrong when there are good solid DAD jokes being overlooked because of them.
Thank you,
A Dad.
What do you call a zucchini with a bad attitude?
What's the favorite song of bad luck?
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
Why is it a bad idea to iron a four leaf clover?
Because you shouldn't press your luck!
Why does the architect crow have a bad track record in the building business?
Because the houses he leaves, are structurally in-caw-wrecked
The best way to get in touch with your long lost relatives....
....is to win the lottery.
Some people think that being a waiter is a bad job or the result of poor choices...
but hey, at least I put food on the table...
I spent a whole week, collecting herbs just for them to go bad
I Started Reading A Horror Story in Braille
Something bad is about to happen, I can feel it.
They told me I’d be bad at poetry because I’m dyslexic..
But so far I’ve made 2 jugs and a vase!
One day, the Earth and the Sea met. The Sea asked the Earth: "Can I touch you?"
The Earth answered: "Shore"
Not all maths jokes are bad....
Do bad punsters end up in the jeerafter?
I had a Caesar Dressing that had gone bad
It left me with some stabbing pains
I suffer from really bad migraines
Which is better than suffering from really good ones
What's worse than a bad dad joke?
What happens when you touch Dwayne Johnson's butt?
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