So the doctor sat me down and gently revealed to me me that my child is a boy trapped in a girls body...
...Until my wife gives birth that is. Only three more months to go!
My son asked, "Dad, every time I talk to girls, I get butterflies in my stomach! What should I do?!" I gently put my arm around him and replied, "That's easy son..."
"Stop eating caterpillars!"
More stock photo puns from this silly site😃😃 Is that the girl from distracted boyfriend?
I once went on a date with this lovely girl. I told her that I loved how bubbly she was. For some reason, she broke up with me the next day.
I saw her again 10 years later, and almost couldn't recognise her because she had become so beautiful. Turns out she thought I'd said that I loved how blubbery she was.
I was talking to a girl that had alot on her chest...
... she said it was good to talk abou tit
What do you call a south American girl that's always in a hurry?
I proclaimed to my wife that the world does not revolve around our little girl. Perturbed, she shot back, "Why on Earth would you ever say that!?" I explained, "Well, it's really quite simple you see, she's our daughter..."
I want to tell you all about a girl that only ate plants.
You've probably never heard of herbivore.
I told this girl I was talking to that I like to race cars, she asked me if I win often
I said no, the cars are much faster
I once fell in love with a girl that only knew 4 vowels.
Unfortunately she didn't know I existed.
I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she'd heard all the jokes before...
So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.
(Cancel on me)
“There’s a puppy on that girls shirt.”
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
I just discovered that Cardi B's mother was one of the Spice Girls.
I once told a girl that her body was shaped like a ketchup bottle.
She took it as a condiment.
If a girl thinks long and hard enough about becoming an e-girl, does that make her thotful?
Did you hear about that girl who thought she was a small sailboat?
She's just a little dinghy.
How will a tomato seller will tell his girl that he likes her ?
Seller : I like you from my head TO-MA-TOES
I was driving this girl to her house and told her that I wasn't good with directions, she laugh at me...
So I just right her left there.
I ran into a girl at a vegetarian restaurant that said she new me
But I've never met herbivore
A couple expecting a baby girl made a long list of possible names for a girl child, but only one name in the event that they have a boy. They ended up having a boy.
He was named Justin Case.
Damn girl, is your posterior an analogy for a disgruntled employee that refuses to leave the premises after being asked to voluntarily terminate?
Because your ass just won't quit.
EDIT: you clicked knowing what the punchline was going to be... so that's on you.
What do you call a girl that looks like a guy?
If the family that popularized gull-winged doors had a baby girl, and they wanted to name her in honor of Star Wars...
She could be Amanda Mandalorian DeLorean
Did I ever tell you about the girl that only ate plants?
I can't believe I never mentioned herbivore.
I told my kids that girls would often "go out on a limb" for Andre the Giant.
Then I showed them that famous photo of the four ladies sitting on his arms outstretched. (The sub doesn't allow photos posted)
Hey, have you seen that new baseball girl on the outfield?
Turns out that , the curvy girl I knew died yesterday . What a waist!
Well son, if you don't want that girl to ghost you...
You should probably give her a boo-quet of flowers.
My son suggested to my parents that they should adopt twin girls. I said,
"Do you want aunts? Cause that's how you get aunts!"
I'd tell you about a girl that eats nothing but vegetables
But I'm sure you've herbivore
What was that one French girl from Harry Potter’s name? Oh yeah, it was
How do you explain a guy that can't help farting around his girl friend?
Advice for girls: Find a man with a job, a man that makes you laugh, a man who doesn't lie to you, and a man who spoils you.
And make sure that these four men don't know each other.
You meet a man on the Oregon Trail. He tells you his name is Terry. You laugh and say, "That's a girl's name!" Terry shoots you.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
That little girl must have had a long day because she looks bushed
A Nine year old girl has gone missing after using moisturiser that makes you look 10 years younger
You’re traveling the Oregon Trail and you meet a man named Terry. You say “Terry? That’s a girls name!” He pulls out his gun and shoots you.
You have died from dissin’ Terry
What was that Dutch girl wearing?
Wooden shoe, like two, no?
Doctor: Nurse, how is that little girl doing who swallowed ten quarters last night?
My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.
But I’m just grasping at straws here.
The person at the hairdressers asked me, "Are you braiding that girl's hair whilst dyeing it silver?"
So a girl came up tom he other day and said that she recognized me from her vegetarian restaurant. Honestly I was a bit confused.
My dad used to say "find a girl that has an embarassing tattoo and convience her to marry you."
"She knows how to make bad decisions and stick by them."
I assumed that all the girls I met in college thought I was sweet.
Turns out that’s not what they meant when they called me
un-savory.
I was surprised to find out that my CPA is also a cam girl...
Sometimes it’s the thot that counts.
What do you call a girl that sets fires to loan papers?
Learned today that you can tell an ant's gender by putting it in water. If it sinks, it's girl ant.
If it floats, it's buoyant.
What do you call a cannibal that only eats girls?
Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl, not on my watch.
So there was this guy in the gym that proposed to his girl she said no
Did you know that Cardi B is related to the Spice Girls?
One of her parents is Cardi-mom
A man walks into a bar looking depressed. Bar tender asks whats wrong? Man says its his 50th wedding anniversary. And that when he was a teenager he got his girl friend pregnant. And to make it worse the father was a Judge and he told me if i did'nt marry his daughter i would go to Jail for 50 year
Today I could be a free man !
I once dated a girl that collected magazines.
But she had too many issues.
I tried to explain to my little girl that it's perfectly normal to accidently poo your pants...
She didn't buy it, she's still making fun of me.
What do you call a dog that likes both boys and girls?
I think that girl over there has a particularly two-dimensional donkey.
Kudos if you figured it out.
What's the name of that girl in the middle of the tennis court?
i know this girl that works at an electric company
shes shockingly good looking and has a sparky personality, people tell me they wouldn't mind sticking their plug in her outlet, and no one knows her current situation, she also carries a taser with her so she's really stunning, wait? wire we talking about this again?
Did you guys hear about that 14-year old virgin girl who got pregnant after receiving the flu vaccine?
Sounds like an inoculate conception
Did you hear the one about the girl with scoliosis that did a porno?
They called it "Broke Back Mountin'!"
Paul McCartney grew irritated that he couldn't purchase a call girl with impressionist paintings
He said, "I don't care too much for Monet. Monet can't buy me love."
What did the boy pig say to the girl pig that won't hold hands with him?
Daddy did you know that girls are smarter than boys?
No, I didn’t know that.
There you go.
What do you call a girl that's covered in small pieces of ice?
That girl looks like a Rachel...
Dad: "That's Rachel profiling"
I know this girl that fixes air conditioners...
Me: Wow, I think that girl's a pole dancer
Dad: how can you tell her nationality from here?
Awful. Just awful.
So I'm texting this girl that I've been seeing
Currently watching the movie Straight Outta Compton while texting this girl that I have a date with tomorrow night.
She mentioned that she is drinking a glass of wine but put a bunch of ice in it. Six big cubes.
I responded with "wow 6 ice cubes? This movie that I'm watching only has one ice cube in it"
She laughed. Looks like our future's set.
It's a scorching hot day at Canada's Wonderland and my GF says "how can that girl be wearing leather pants?"...
I say "cows do it all the time."
What advice do you give to a rock that's dating? cc:my 20-year old girl officemate
You need to be a little boulder.
You gotta admit, that joke's rock solid, right?
Work IT and girl brings laptop that she spilled coffee on
As protocol, we always recommend that the client turns off their laptop after a spill.
My boss walks by and says "You know, she's gonna have to put her laptop to sleep but now it won't be able to!"
That Coldplay song must be about a girl with a serious craps/gambling addiction.
She's always dreaming about a pair of dice.
Girl looking at old photo of herself "Why did I make that face?"
Dad "Actually your mom and I made that face"
My brother-in-law made that comment to his daughter earlier today
You know how to tell if that new girl likes you?
Dad: You give her two test tickles
Once, I dated a girl that was out of this world!
What my dad says to me when I tell him I can't find a girl that I like
In times of war any hole is a trench.
Did you read about that girl from Alaska who turned down a scholarship from a Native American scholarship fund?
A nine year old girl has disappeared after using a moisturiser that makes you look ten years younger!
You are traveling along the Oregon Trail, and you meet a man named Terry. You say "Terry? That's a girls name!" In anger, Terry stabs you to death.
You have died of dissin' Terry.
A girl I ran into at a vegan restaurant said that she knew me...
But I never met herbivore...
I Lost my watch at a party once. Saw a guy stepping on it while sexually harassing a girl. I walked up to the dude, punched him straight in the nose. No one does that to a girl....
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