Tantrums Puns

No wonder they call him the Sassquatch.

Counterfeits!

They have hissy fits. 🐍

They're all the rage right now

A hissy fit

A meltdown.

Save them to your Phone and always have witty jokes at the palm of your hand.

3.14 percent of sailors are pi-rates.

5/4 of people admit they’re bad at fractions.

A bartender broke up with her boyfriend, but he kept asking her for another shot.

A brain walks into a bar and takes a seat. “I’d like some wings and a pint of beer, please,” it says. “Sorry, but I can’t serve you,” the bartender replies. “You’re out of your head.”

A cheeseburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'Sorry, we don't serve food here.'

A college education now costs $100,000, but it produces three very proud people: the student, his mama, and his pauper.

A couple of cups of yogurt walk into a country club. “We don’t serve your kind here,” the bartender says. “Why not?” one yogurt asks. “We’re cultured.”

A friend of mine didn’t pay his exorcist. He got repossessed.

A friend of mine is known for sweeping girls off their feet. He’s an extremely aggressive janitor.

A guy walks into a bar, and there’s a horse serving drinks. The horse asks, “What are you staring at? Haven’t you ever seen a horse tending bar before?” The guy says, “It’s not that. I just never thought the parrot would sell the place.”

A guy walks into a bar...and he was disqualified from the limbo contest.

A pirate walks into a bar with a paper towel on his head. The bartender says, “What’s with the paper towel?” The pirate says, “Arrr! I’ve got a Bounty on me head!”

A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police ask him what happened, the shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”

Armed robbers—some say they’re a drain on society, but you’ve got to give it to them.

Barbers…you have to take your hat off to them.

Can February March? No, but April May!

Cooking out this weekend? Don’t forget the pickle. It’s kind of a big dill.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don't think they'll fit me.

Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn't know it was on fire.

Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut!

Dad: Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Son: No. What happened? Dad: The teacher woke him up.

Daughter: I have a lot of friends named Nathan. There’s Nathan Miller, Nathan Radcliff, Nathan Lewis… Me: When they are together, do you call them the United Nathans?

Dear Math, grow up and solve your own problems.

Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head!

Did you hear about the aquatic sea mammals that escape

Well, what can i say, kids his age are irrational

She was crying because she doesn't like grapes.

Because he was a Thor loser

So I handed her a knife and an onion.

She was in the middle of a tantrum. I asked her why she was crying, and she said "Because I'm so sad!"

I replied with the classic "Hi so sad, I'm dad."

She stopped crying for a sec, smiled, realized she had stopped crying and started smiling, and then got angry with herself for smiling. And resumed crying with a loud wail.

Can't wait to irritate her again!

Sister: I'm ANNOYED!!!

Dad: Good! ... We need more noids.

Okey so theres a mom cow and her kid at a gym and the shes working on her calf and they’re about to leave but then the baby cow starts rolling on the ground throwing a tantrum [mom cow/mc] Stop rolling on the floor and move! [baby cow/bc]* keeps rolling around crying* [mc] theres a good chance if you dont stop You’ll be grounded beef [bc] realizing the steaks are high he stops rolling around and gets up a manager has seen all of this [manager] Hay mam, just wanted to say you milked the situation on the spot. [mc] she states that this would be a tail to tell

My sister was talking about how the Atlantic has shit weather, because it's mad that's it's not as big as the Pacific.

My wife replies, "it throws temperature tantrums".

A man brought his son to a grocery store, but as soon as they walked in the store the young child began to throw a temper tantrum. While they went down each aisle the child would yell, throw items in and out of the cart, and overall just be an annoyance.

Despite the scene his son was causing, the father was cool and collected, slowly and calmly saying, "Don't worry, Donald. It'll be alright, Donald, we'll be home soon."

A nearby mother was very impressed with the father's self control, and wanted to express her gratitude for such calm parenting. "Sir, I'm amazed that you are able to be so calm! It's not every day I see such patient and gracious parenting. Now little guy, what seems to be the problem, Donald?"

"Oh no, ma'am, you're mistaken!" The father interjected, "This is my son, Henry. I'm Donald!"

^(Happy Father's Day to all you fathers out there! Thank you for all you do.)

After a long and grueling day with our 2-year-old son mastering the art of the tantrum, my wife and I finally hit the hay.

Me: "Ahhh, bed."

Wife: "It's the beddiest bed in the world."

Me: "I couldn't have said it any bedder myself."

• First dadjoke post for me, be gentle. :)

We live next door to a Nepalese family who has two young sons, named Gorgon and Aktosh. We were discussing their screaming/tantrum habits and my wife asked me which one is older.

I replied, "the cheesy one."

<blank stare>

"Gorgon's older."

"A meltdown"

I guess you could say that she was having a bit of a hissy-fit.

A meltdown.

A meltdown.

I'm not sure where it landed. It might be lost.

.....and that’s when I drew the line.

“I’ve got all the thyme in the world.”

Cry-lo Ren.

He lacked toast and tolerance.

I told him it wasn't kosher to act like that and it's his bread and butter to not finish eating things he wants. He needs to dill with it.

My younger sister was throwing one of her teenage tantrums, and she shouts at my dad, "Well sorry for being born!" My dad looks her in the eye and says, "it's all right, just don't do it again."

Im sitting in my bedroom just surfing while my wife give my girls a shower in the master bathroom.

So shower's over and Avery was whining that she was cold. After a long day of swimming, that whining turned into a temper tantrum. IM COLD!! IM REALLY COLD!!! over and over.

Calmly, I say, "Ave", she sobs "what", I say "IM REALLY DADDY, ITS NICE TO MEET YOU"

BOOM!! full blown screams and cries. Mission accomplished.

I had left work yesterday and she had told me she would make the bed. I came home last night and it wasn't made but she was already asleep.

In the morning I ask why she didn't make the bed when she said she would and she jokingly says, "the mattress threw a tantrum!"

I then say to her, "When you're disciplining your mattress you have to firm."

She groaned, I laughed, and I was proud. She never saw it coming.