My fencing opponent laughed at me for bringing a block of cheddar to a sword fight.

Until he discovered it was extra sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2022
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Why do Grizzlies lose every sword fight?

Because they always show up with bear hands.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notworkingghost
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2022
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If your ever in a sword fight, try to chop their feet off

Then you will de-feet him

πŸ‘︎ 112
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OJAMZ23
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I manage to cut off my enemies leg during a sword fight

The enemy: aww, you de-feeted me

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pzwang4
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2021
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Don't bring cheese to a sword fight.

But if you do, make sure it's extra sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Craftninja7
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What did the sword say to the shield after their fight last night?

Why did you block me?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clone-Commando66
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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Ever exchanged puns in a sword fight?

You need to have a rapier wit.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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In a sword fight, what is a Redditor’s favourite move?

A riposte.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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In a sword fight, what's a Redditor's favorite move?

A riposte.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns ? I'm trying to think of any words that have..

..a duel meaning.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2021
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What do you call two gamers sword fighting?

Pee v pee.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lemphin
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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School pick up

I was picking my son up from school and we were waiting in line to get out of the parking lot. There were three kids having sword fights with large branches that had fallen off trees. They saw me watching them and stopped for a minute, probably thinking they were in trouble. I rolled down the window and asked, β€œAre you just going to stick around here?” They looked very confused but my son laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmarks1138
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2022
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie that’s amore.

When an eel bites your hand, and that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When paternity tests, lead to ratings success, that’s a Maury.

When our habits are strange, and our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

But Canadians protest, underrepresented in jest, what’s one more, eh?

β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”β€”-

(Repost of mine from over a year ago. Sorry. I remembered it while stoned and it was funny again. Credit to u/weizguy74 for the Maury line.)

πŸ‘︎ 448
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2021
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Two knights draw their swords...

^(There's a whole other pun in the title involving some pencils, paper, and incredible artistry but anyways,)
The first knight unsheathes a magnificent sword, worthy to be called the next Excalibur

The second pulls out a some yellow cheese...

The first knight asks, how are you going to fight me with a block of cheese?
Are you going to throw it at me?

The second knight: No, it's extra sharp

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2021
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An Ode to 2 Dead boys!

One broad day in the middle of the night, 2 dead boys got up to fight! Back-to-back they faced each other, they drew their swords and shot each other. A deaf policeman heard the noise so he came and shot the 2 dead boys, if you don't believe my story is true ask the blind man he saw it too!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mylar321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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My son asked me for a story

So I told him one my father told me and his father, etc.

 One fine day in the middle of the night, two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, drew their swords and shot each other. If you don’t think this story is true son then ask the blind man he saw it too. 

He looked at me and said β€œthat doesn’t make any sense!”

β€œIt doesn’t make any dollars either, son.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MigraineMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
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A dad poem

Ladies and gentleman, Hoboes and tramps, Cross-eyed beetles, And bow-legged ants. Pull up a seat, And sit on the floor.

I'm going to tell you a story I know nothing about.

One dark day, In the middle of the night. Two dead boys, They stood up to fight.

Back to back They faced each other. Drew their swords, And shot each other. The deaf policeman heard it all, She came to shoot those two dead boys.

Don't believe this lie is true? Go ahead, ask the blind man. He saw it, too.

//Don't know who to credit this, it's a poem my parents taught me at a young age.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astucker85
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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One fine day....

...in the middle of the night.

Two dead men got up to fight.

Back to back they faced each other,

drew their swords...

And shot each other!

How do you escape Prison?

Bang your head against the wall until it's sore.

Saw your bed in half,

Two halves make a whole,

Crawl through the hole,

Shout until you're hoarse,

Climb on the horse and gallop away!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyberplasm
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2013
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Does anyone know any good sword fighting puns ? I'm trying to think of any words that have..

...a duel meaning.

πŸ‘︎ 631
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2021
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Hey, anyone know any good Sword fighting puns ? Trying to think of any

.. words with a dual meaning.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
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When the moon hits your eye, Like a big pizza pie, That's amore.

When an eel bites your hand, And that's not what you planned, That's a moray.

When our habits are strange, And our customs deranged, That's our mores.

When your horse munches straw, And the bales total four, That's some more hay.

When Othello's poor wife Becomes stabbed with a knife, That's a Moor, eh?

When a Japanese knight Uses his sword in a fight, That's Samurai.

When your sheep go to graze In a damp marshy place, That's a moor, eh?

When your boat comes home fine And you tie up her line, That's a moor, eh?

When you ace your last tests Like you did all the rest, That's some more "A"s!

In New Zealand you see An aborigine, That's a Maori.

Alley Oop's homeland has A space gun with pizzazz, That's a Moo Ray.

A comedian ham, With the name Amsterdam, That's a Morey.

When your chocolate graham, Is so full and so crammed, That s'more, eh.

When you've had quite enough, Of this dumb rhyming stuff, That's "No more!", eh?

πŸ‘︎ 691
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ComeAbout
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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A dad poem

Not really a joke, but my dad would say this poem all the time.

One bright day in the middle of the night Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords, and shot one another. A deaf policeman heard the noise And came to the rescue of the two dead boys If you don't believe this lie is true, Ask the blind man, he saw it too.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/asmondaus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2015
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Dad's favorite story growing up

My dad used to say this one a lot:

One bright day in the middle of the night, Two dead boys got up to fight. Back to back they faced each other, Drew their swords and shot each other. The deaf police man heard the noise. He came and killed those two dead boys. And if you don't believe this lie is true, Ask the blind man, he saw too

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruegster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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Every single road trip

He'd always recite the classic:

One bright day in the middle of the night/ Two dead boys got up to fight/ Back to back, they faced each other/ Threw their swords and shot each other/ The deaf policeman heard this noise/ Came and shot those two dead boys/ If you don't believe this lie is true/ Ask the blind man, he saw it too!

Not so much a joke but he always got a kick out of it and you knew it was coming in any car ride lasting longer than an hour.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ortegasb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2013
🚨︎ report

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