Why did the French surrender so readily?

They were scared Toulouse

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_OrangeJu
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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Nil Armstrong surrendered

Now his name is Kneel Armstrong

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OshriM
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
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When I was in the Army, the drill Sergeant once shouted at me, WHAT DOES SURRENDER MEAN ?!!

..dunno, I give up.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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What do you call a half man half horse in the middle of an army formation?

The centaur of attention..... ill see myself out

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gambitK9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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Dude 1: β€œHey bro?” Dude 2: β€œYeah bro?” Dude 1: β€œCan you hand me that pamphlet?”

Dude 2: β€œBrochure”

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reditrewrite
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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A horse walks into a bar. The bartender says "You are in here a lot, do you think you have a drinking problem?"

The horse says, "I don't think so," then disappears into nothing.

This is the point in time when all the philosophy students in the audience begin to giggle, as they are familiar with the philosophical proposition of Cogito ergo sum, or I think, therefore, I am. The classic philosophy put forward by RenΓ© Descartes.

But to explain the concept aforehand would be putting Descartes before the horse.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bearfeedmitch
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2020
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A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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Freddie Mercury, Bruno Mars, and Venus Williams all walk into the same bar.

But they didn’t planet.

πŸ‘︎ 579
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy.

Atleast that's what she said in her diary.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/__teju
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Why did Italy surrender in WW2?

Because Italics aren't bold

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_messiah
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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My wife just accused me of having zero empathy.

I don’t understand how she can feel that way.

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rafwaf123
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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What is the angriest nut?

Pissed-aschios.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heywood_Jablwme
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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I bought a ceiling fan the other day.. COMPLETE WASTE OF MONEY!

He just stands there applauding and saying β€œOoh, I love how smooth it is”

πŸ‘︎ 472
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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What do vampires do when they are trying to fall asleep?

Count Draculas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2020
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I normally knock on the fridge door before I open it...

Just in case there's a salad dressing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/laserspewpew_
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?

A French Roast.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheDarkVigilante
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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I was told that my dad was pronounced dead

I can’t believe I’ve been saying it wrong my whole life

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlabamaMayan
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What happened when the drummer re-recorded his drum solo?

There were repercussions.

πŸ‘︎ 193
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayingMantis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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What did the lesbian pirate say during sex?

Scissor me timbers!

πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/huntingclue47
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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How many hands am I holding up?

If you ever accidentally smack your kid in the face and they say ow my eyes is blurry, or if they bump their face etc

Say β€œah buddy u ok? Can u see? How many hands am I holding up?

Then proceed to hold up one hand with four fingers.

The kid will most often say 4. Then you make the dad face.

β€œ4 hands!?!? Yah we might have a problem!”

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuskIsAlien
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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When I was a kid, my parents would always say "Excuse my french" after a swear word.

I'll never forget that first day at school when the teacher asked did we know any French

πŸ‘︎ 682
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2020
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What do you call paper you can’t trust?

A sketch pad

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
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I had the perfect joke about french meals

it's unbrielievably cheesy

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IWishIWasAGoomba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
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I considered converting my wardrobe to house my board game collection, but was worried about losing clothing space.

It was trivial per suit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PythagorasJones
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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Why aren’t French fries cooked in France?

Because they were cooked in Greece

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/torreador13
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
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What animal do French women wear to give them support?

Zebra

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatTheHosenHey
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France.

Would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dennyitlo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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My friend told me to stop acting like a flamingo.

I had to put my foot down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Legitimate-Hair
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
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A pun walks into a bar, ten people die on the spot.

Pun in, ten dead

Edit: The police quickly arrived at the scene, surrounding the bar. The pun was trapped in the bar but it decided to hold on and have a shoot out with the police instead of surrendering. Sadly, the pun was shot. He was pun out dead at the scene.

Edit: Nobody attended the puns funeral, they all at ten ded.

-Mic drop-

Edit: Wasn’t that a killer pun?

Edit: Unfortunately I told about 10 puns before this one. Did any of them land? No. No pun in ten did.

(Credit To killsforsporks and TLo137 for the last 2 edits)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fanthom12
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
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Why did the military general refuse to use social media?

It was his personal creed to never surrender or retweet.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stooftheoof
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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Baguettes are better than croissants change my mind

In France people give each other white roses on Valentine’s Day because they surrender their love to each other

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
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The story of Kenneth Lamar Noid

The following story is true.

Perhaps you have heard of The Noid. He was a character created by Domino's Pizza to act as a villain who would attempt to make your pizza taste crappy due to lack of freshness. Thankfully, according to Domino's, The Noid could easily be foiled by their 30 minute delivery guarantee.

On January 30, 1989, a man by the name of Kenneth Lamar Noid took the creation of the little guy as a personal attack on his character. Not one to take such a slight lying down, Mr. Noid took a Domino's location in Atlanta hostage, forcing them to make a special pizza and salad against their will. His demands included $100,000, getaway transportation, and a copy of the hit science fiction novel, "The Widow's Son".

Eventually, Mr. Noid surrendered to the police. After the incident, when reached for comment about Mr. Noid, Police Chief Reed Miller was quoted as saying, "He's paranoid."

Thank you for your time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/salty904
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: "What does surrender mean?" I said: "I give up!"
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geve4now
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
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